Tiger's Circus
by annbe11
Summary: Long after the tragic death of her parents, Kelsey Hayes, an aspiring animal trainer, returns to the circus. As she's trying to find her place again, Kelsey can't help but notice that Dhiren is not like the big cats from her childhood. Something about him seems almost... human. A reimagining of Kelsey's time at the circus in Tiger's Curse. KelseyXRen
1. Home

Chapter 1

I was standing on a precipice. Everything I had been working towards my whole life was hours from being mine, yet my body stiffened as I looked back at my empty room. True, it was never very full to begin with, but the emptiness bothered me. Gone were the sheets I hung from the wall to make it look like a tent, the stacks of books on animal training, the photos of the circus and my parents from when I was younger, and all my clothes and ribbons. I had packed the best books, clothes, and pictures in my backpack and donated the rest. I kept the ribbons which I had gotten from my mother. I wore the orange one today to celebrate my rebirth of sorts. As for the sheets, I'm not sure what Sarah did with them. The rest of the room had the same boring white furniture that had always been there. I might not have a room like this ever again. I shook my head. A true circus girl like me didn't need all that space. I was going home. I would be happy. I am happy. I readjusted my bag and tugged my stuffed suitcase across the doorway and headed downstairs.

I was surprised to see everyone up. Mike and the kids were at the table while Sarah cooked something that smelled deliciously buttery. It was 5 in the morning. Last night we had a going away party. For once, Sarah forwent her odd vegan diet and cooked something decent, cookies and even a few renditions of my mom's dishes. She didn't say much, but she didn't need to. I knew she didn't want me to go and she knew there was nothing she could do to stop me. Last night I was happy because we didn't fight like we usually did. She and Mike had bought me a new wilderness survival kit, clothes and a couple of new animal training books. Rebecca and Sammy had given hugs, poorly drawn cards and begged me to tell stories and bring Lisa to the backyard for tricks. The night had been long. But there they all were. Sammy and Rebecca in pajamas and Mike and Sarah in exercise gear from their daily morning run. "Kelsey!" Sammy yelled and gave me a big hug. Rebecca soon followed.

"Good Morning guys!" I said hugging them back tightly.

When we finally let go, and I kneeled down so I could get a good look at them. I wanted to remember them in case I didn't see them again. To stop it from being awkward, I said "You're up early. You sleep well?"

Rebecca nodded, but Sammy ignored the question. "Mommy says we're having pancakes," he said.

"Really, Sarah?" I raised my eyebrowed and looked up at her.

"Yes, Kelsey, two unhealthy meals back to back," Sarah said.

"It's a miracle," Mike cried out. Sarah shot him a look and he grinned at me. I smiled back. Putting a hand on each of the kids' shoulders we walked over and took a seat.

"You're all packed?" Sarah asked flipping a pancake.

"Yup, I just need to fetch Lisa and I'll be ready to go," I replied, "Soon you guys will have a guest room back."

"Nonsense," Mike exclaimed. His face growing serious as he stated, "We're building," he paused for dramatic effect, "a mancave." Even without seeing Sarah's face, I knew she was rolling her eyes.

"I thought it was supposed to be a gym," I said, going along with Mike's joke.

"Well…" Mike trialed off, his eyes sparkling. Sarah shook her head.

"What about the playroom?" Rebecca asked urgently, her eyes growing wide with worry. It was another possibility Mike had suggested and had been Rebecca's favorite.

"Of course, sweetheart," Mike rubbed her back. Sarah sighed. Whether Mike liked it or not, his little joke was probably going to become a reality. He hated to disappoint Rebecca.

"It'll be something, but you can always come back. We will make space," Sarah said as she served me up the first stack of pancakes. Butter and syrup already on. It looked so good, but I frowned. I wasn't going to come back to live with them. No matter what. Why couldn't she accept that?

"Where's my pancake?" Sammy whined.

"It's coming soon, honey," Sarah said back at the stove.

"You can have a bit of mine," I offered.

He looked at me with horror. "I want _my_ pancake," Sammy protested. I shrugged and began eating. Oh, how I missed homemade pancakes with actual butter. Imitation butter doesn't compare to the original, a lesson I wished Sarah would learn. She was always trying to mimic recipes with alternative ingredients and most of the time, it backfired leaving me missing the original dish even more than before. My mom cooked vegetarian dishes and those were good because they weren't trying to copy something that already existed. It didn't matter now though. Sarah's cooking won't be bothering me anymore.

Soon there were enough pancakes for everyone, freeing Sarah from the grill and letting her sit down. She and Mike quizzed me to make sure I had everything while Rebecca ate like a polite young girl and Sammy ate like a rabid honey bear. If we were talking about school and eating Sarah's idea of a healthy meal, instead of my trip and these godly pancakes it would have been a normal breakfast. Too soon it was over, Mike cleaned up and brought Sammy to the sink to wash his syrup covered face while Rebecca cleared the table. I got up and left to go outside. Right before I opened the back door, Sarah stopped me with a touch on the shoulder.

"I know you have to do this," Sarah frowned, "You're just like your parents, but if you ever want to come back, if you ever feel out of place. Know that we're here." She moved around the chairs and gave me a hug. She was crying. "I love you, Kelsey. Please try to be safe." My body stiffened again. I did my best. I patted Sarah on the back and, not for the first time, I wished I could say I loved her too. Instead, I just stood there and let her hug me. It seemed like forever before she let me go. "You better get Lisa," she finally said. I nodded. My mouth dry.

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to forget my main attraction," I choked out. I opened the door and left quickly. I couldn't stand the look on her face.

Once outside I took a deep breath of Oregon air, the pine mixing with the smell of freshly-cut grass was wonderful. Mike and Sarah's backyard was amazing, extending right up to the edge of the forest. Only a short fence separated the two. I walked to the fence and raised my hands to cup my mouth.

"Lisa!" I called. There was no immediate movement from the trees, but I knew she should still be up. I readied myself and called out again, "Lisa! Breakfast!" That would get her attention. I waited and soon heard her rushing towards me. I backed up a bit as Lisa leaped over the fence and began circling me. She looked a little on edge from lack of sleep. "Hey there, girl," I said putting my hand out for her to rub. She purred and nuzzled against my hand. As a bobcat, Lisa basically looked like a large spotted house cat with long ears, a short tail, and very pointy teeth. I could still remember Sarah's horror when she realized I chose a bobcat as my pet from an animal shelter. An honest mistake on the shelter's part, totally intentional by me. By the time, Sara realized what had happened I had already named Lisa and fed her and began training her. She was unsuited for the wild, so we couldn't just toss her out. With Mike's help, I was able to convince Sarah to let me keep Lisa as an outdoor cat. She was my pride and joy. With her help, I was able to test out all sorts of big cat tricks. Her along with my dog training business really made me confident I could do this.

"Come on, Lisa it's time for the circus," I said. She hissed. "Alright, alright. Breakfast first." I went back inside to the kitchen to get her meal for today. I was worried for a moment, but luckily Sarah wasn't there. She must be taking a shower. It was just Mike at the sink. I went over to the fridge and opened the door looking for the Ziploc bag stuffed with rabbit meat. It was strange using the normal fridge. I usually kept Lisa's food in a mini fridge in my room so that it wouldn't creep Sarah out, but that had been sold already. I pulled the rabbit out and went back to Lisa. Normally she had to earn her food, but today I just let her have it to save time.

After her meal, we went around to the front of the house and I convinced her to get in the back of Mike's truck. Then I got my bags and a cooler filled with Lisa's food and put them in the truck with her. I was all packed up and ready to go. I turned and looked at the house one last time. I had spent most of my adolescence trying to get away from this place. It was more of a prison than a home, and I refused to let myself feel anything for it. I called for Mike and the whole crew came out to say one last goodbye via group hug. I was squashed and unable to move. Sarah was sniffling. The kids were squeezing enough to pop me. Even Mike had glassy eyes. It lasted for what seemed like hours. I honestly didn't think I'd be missed this much, but I was getting claustrophobic. Eventually, Lisa growled from the car, tired of being alone and the family let go. I gave the kids an extra hug.

"You guys be good, alright? Sarah and Mike need you two to be extra strong without me around," I said squeezing them a bit.

"You'll come visit, right?" Sammy asked. I let go and I ruffled his hair, but I didn't want to lie. I wasn't sure if I would ever come back here even to visit.

"Kelsey is going far away, guys. She might write letters if you're good," Mike said. The kids smiled thankfully distracted. "Come on, she needs to get into the car before she becomes late. Wave goodbye kids." Sammy and Rebecca waved. Sarah just stood there.

I got in the car with Mike and looked back one last time. "Be safe," Sarah said. I sort of nodded and turned away.

"Ready?" Mike asked as he started up the car.

"I'm ready," I said. I was finally going home.


	2. Return

**Chapter 2**

After one last heart filled hug from Mike, Lisa and I stood facing the county fairgrounds finally alone. I surveyed the fairgrounds. There was a giant red puddle of cloth on the flat lawn in front of us which I recognized as the Maurizio Circus tent. I saw a few groups of people hammering in stakes. The clanging sounds echoed throughout the area. Luckily the fairgrounds were quite secluded. The familiar sights and sounds put a big smile on my face. Dragging my suitcase, my backpack, and Lisa's cooler I eagerly made my way over. The first people, I came close enough to talk to seemed familiar, but I couldn't place them. One had sandy blonde hair and was stocky but still taller than me. He was watching the other one swing the hammer into a stake. The second guy was much taller with short brown hair.

"Hello," I said to them. The stocky one turned. He had a big nose and looked like a huge jerk. I knew him immediately. He was Cathleen's older brother. "Daniel."

He squinted at me. "Um… hello." he elbowed the taller one to look at me.

When I saw his face, the same general look as Daniel, but a smaller nose and kinder face, I knew it must be Jeffery, Cathleen's eldest brother. Jeffery first blushed. He'd always been shy. Then he actually looked at me. His mouth opened a bit in surprise.

"Hey Jeffrey," I said.

"Hi Kells," Jeffery said.

"Kelsey?" Daniel said. "Is that really you? You look so…" This time Daniel blushed. He looked down and shook his head. "Just visiting then? Come here reminisce or something? Cause we have work to do." He gestured at the hammer in Jeffery's hand.

"Yeah, I brought all this luggage at like 6 in the morning to remember the good times," I said sarcastically shaking the bags I was holding for emphasis.

They looked at each other. Before either of them could answer, the slim greasy figure of Mr. Odoso crept up behind them.

"What's this?" he said. "The Hayes girl has actually returned?" I looked up at him. Mr. Odoso's skeletal features, long thin hair, tiny blue sparkling top hat and ever-present cigarette hadn't changed. I still found him disgusting and a tad scary. He smirked at me. "I just won 50 bucks cause of you girl. Bet you'll be wanting Maurizio, right? He's behind this lot in his trailer." He pointed to the far right corner. "I assume you remember the one?"

I nodded.

"Then get moving, and take your cat," he said. "You're too slow with all that stuff could be trouble."

"Right," I replied, edging away from him. "See you guys later." The two boys sort of stared at me and gave the smallest of nods. I shrugged and moved along. Those two had always been a little weird.

I slowly circled the red pool of tent cloth, keeping my distance from it and the other groups of people. It had been awkward enough only talking to Daniel and Jeffery. Things would be easier once I talked to Mr. Maurizio. Knowing him, he probably kept my return a surprise. The man was such a prima donna sometimes. Passing another blob of tent cloth which would probably become the dressing room tent, I found myself in the back of the lot. On the left, there was a large metal fence which had to have been set up the animal habitats. On the right, there were a bunch of motor homes. The bright orange one stood out from the rest as Mr. Maurizio's. I walked over to the front of it and held my breath. For a moment, my entire body tensed up like before a performance. Then the door swung open.

Agostino Maurizio looked like a stereotypical ringmaster dressed in a red coat with tails. He was Italian, big, and round with a pointed mustache. His eyes always seemed to sparkle with amusement and he spoke in a booming, suspiciously fake, thick Italian accent which no one dared call him out on. Upon seeing me he swept me up in a hug. Lisa growled.

"Kelsey!" he cried, "You have come!"

Through the hug, I gasped, "of course."

Mr. Maurizio released me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Let me look at you, _mi patatina_. You've grown strong and beautiful. I am sure your parents would be proud."

I blushed. "Mr. Maurizio, stop. You're embarrassing me," I said.

"Bah! I have not seen you in years. This is the way to be. Hugs and praise," he proclaimed. "Wait until the others hear you have returned. You will be the star tonight, _mi patatina_." I blushed even more. "And look." He gestured at Lisa. "You bring a friend."

"My act, remember I sent you a couple letters about Lisa," I said.

"Ah, this is the tricky bobcat," he said, leaning past me to look at her. His eyes seemed to twinkle even more than usual. "I must see her act in person. No letter will do it justice. Tonight, perhaps after the show."

I smiled. "Yes! That would be great. Right Lisa?" I turned to look at Lisa. She sensed my eyes and returned my look. Her eyes were sharp and anxious, but they soften as I scratched one of her ears. She didn't seem too tired and the sooner I proved myself, the better.

" _Fantastico_! As for the rest of the day, you will be doing small things. There is no hurry. Come with me." I stepped back and he led me to another trailer. I recognized as Cathleen's family's trailer. He carried my stuff inside and then led me and Lisa to the animal enclosure.

It was actually bigger than I remembered. Past a large fenced area where several dogs running and barking, there was a smaller area for Lisa. I grinned. Lisa's private area was better than I thought it would be. It was big enough that she could get some exercise and it was grassy and natural. I nudged Lisa into the enclosure and closed the door behind her. She turned and looked at me. Her tail was straight up and she looked a little frighten of her new home. I felt a twinge in my chest. She would get used to it. I'd kept her in smaller cages as preparation for this day. I waved goodbye to her and followed Mr. Maurizio to what he called our last stop together.

We moved back up front to a small white tent. Two African American boys were moving around unpacking boxes. I guessed that they must be part of the clown family.

"Bobby! Bradley! How are my little _pagliaccios_?" Mr. Maurizio asked. The boys turned. Looking at them trying to reconcile the little kids I remembered with the older boys I saw now made me feel so old. Bobby had the same sour face, dark skin, thick eyebrows and hair he did as a kid, though his face was now spotted with acne. He must be in middle school now. He was nearly tall as I was. Bradley was no longer the shy toddler I remembered. He had grown a lot, but was still chubby with brown freckles and tannish skin. His eyes were smaller and he was no longer sucking his thumb. His worried expression hadn't gone away though. He still looked like a fraidy-cat.

"Come, come. Say hello to Kelsey," Mr. Maurizio said. Bobby moved forward very reluctantly, looking at me with suspicion. Bradley followed up behind. When Bobby was just technically close enough, he held out his hand.

"Call me Bob." I shook his hand. It was rough and he was squeezing way too hard. I squeezed back hard and let go.

"Hi Bob, how are you?" I asked. He shrugged, but his expression of distaste said not well. Though that could have been from how our death grip match went. I turned to Bradley and said, "Hey." Bradley muttered what I assumed was a hello, but it was hard to be sure. There was an awkward silence.

Until Mr. Maurizio slapped both me and Bob on the back. "I'll leave you to it. Kelsey," he said cheerily, "See you after the show for your act. Don't worry about the details. I'll take care of it, _mi patatina_." Mr. Maurizio was already walking away before I registered the words, leaving me alone with the clown cousins. We walked into the merchandise tent. Most of the stuff was still in boxes, though a row of white tiger plushies was being lined up on a shelf.

"We can do this ourselves," Bob said, glaring at me, challenging me to disagree.

I was tempted to glare back but I change tactics. "That might be true but I was asked to help. What can I do?"

Bob stood there and thought. As Bradley watched him earnestly, I tried to remember all I knew about the cousins. But I had never much liked Bobby. All I really remembered was how inseparable they were. Cathleen and I mostly hung out together, sometimes with her brothers, but rarely the clown cousins.

"Nothing," Bob said.

"You can't think of anything?" I looked around. There was still plenty to be done.

"It's not that. You have no experience. I can't trust—"

I held up my hand. I didn't expect Bradley to recognize me, but Bobby…well it had been six years.

"You don't know who I am, do you?" I asked.

"Course I don't. Nobody tells me anything till the last minute. Cause they treat me and Bradley like kids."

I almost smiled. They _were_ kids, but I knew the feeling. Still there was something I needed to say.

"I think Mr. Maurizio is trying to keep it secret," I began, "but I have been here before. My parents used to be the main animal trainers for the circus, Madison and Joshua Hayes. I'm Kelsey Hayes. I had to leave for six years but I have returned to perform full time." As I said this Bob's face flickered with a bunch of emotions. Bradley was easier to read. He was obviously surprised. I smiled then. It was so satisfying to say that.

I was standing a little straighter, feeling good about myself, when Bob's face settled to an expression of suspicion and he asked, "And why on earth would you come back here?"


	3. Merch Stand

**A/N: Hi everybody. Yes, this fanfic is not dead. I started a new job and then Nanowrimo happened, but I'm back. I have several chapters already in the works. And I figured out how to do author's notes ;)**

 **Chapter 3 the Merch Stand**

The good news, about telling Bob who I was, was that he let me help. The bad news was that he kept looking at me like I was crazy, even after I defended myself. To be fair, this wasn't a new reaction. Tons of people thought I was weird to want to run away to the circus and when I told them I grew up in the circus they thought I was even weirder. But that was Oregon. This was the circus, my circus.

I got an awful feeling every time Bob looked at me that I tried very hard to ignore. Unfortunately cutting open boxes and unwrapping tiger plushies, packs of balloons and light-up clown noses gave me too much time to think. It was a long couple of hours. I tore open the last box, which was filled with light-up batons. As I started stacking them, a memory of the kids at my middle school came back to me again. I couldn't take it anymore, I broke the silence.

"So… what have you guys been practicing for the circus," I asked. Bob scowled at me and said nothing. I winced. That was not the reaction I was hoping for. I loved being asked that as a kid, as a preteen, heck even now. Bradley just hid his face and stacked a bit faster.

Then a miracle arrived in the form of a blonde boy with a baby face and big brown eyes. He was around my age and dressed like an acrobat in baby blue and white tights and sequins. His eyes locked on mine before his cute dimpled smile broaden. "Hey, Kelsey! I didn't think I'd see you again. How's it going?"

I smiled back. It was nice to see a truly happy familiar face, besides Mr. Maurizio. And he was familiar. It had to be Keith, Cathleen's youngest older brother because he looked nearly the same as before. And considering that he was 20 and out of puberty, this was a great feat.

"I'm alright," I answered, "How are things with you?"

"Oh?" he exclaimed, "I'm surprised you don't know." He was still smiling sweetly, but I instantly frowned. How had I forgotten that I was one of the few people who didn't like Keith? What was wrong with me today? He had the sweetest face, but he used to plague me and Cathleen all of the time, but no one had believed us.

Keith turned to Bob and Bradley. "Looks like you're almost done. You guys ready for lunch?" He asked.

"Been ready," Bob said putting down a pink tutu. Bradley nodded. They walked out. Keith held the door of the tent just long enough to fool me into walking through the flap. I sputtered. Keith apologized, still smiling and Bob snickered.

I tried to remain calm. "I see it's not just your face that hasn't changed. What's for lunch?"

"Pasta, one of your favorites," he said leading the way. I eyed him suspiciously. Pasta was a favorite of mine. Good pasta with garlic bread was just too good! "Of course," he added, "You like everything." He gave me a sideways look. I shrugged. He wasn't wrong, but I had stopped being a chubby little girl years ago. I refused to let him get to me with past insults.

We got to the cafeteria and I saw the buffet. My mouth watered. Everything looked delicious, the sweet-smelling garlic bread, the variety of pasta and even the sad, forgotten salad. I walked passed the boys and went straight for the food, getting in line behind a clown. He looked at me curiously but said nothing. I couldn't be bothered. I needed to eat quickly so I could check on Lisa. As I waited my turn I grew hungrier. When it was finally my turn, I piled my tray high with pasta alfredo and garlic bread, but still wanted more. I was so intent on deciding whether getting pesto pasta and lasagna would be overkill that I didn't even notice Cathleen's mom was staring at me.

"Kelsey?" she asked. I looked up at her. Mrs. Gailon was a petite woman with short brown hair that was striped with grey. She was standing behind the counter from me, refilling the salad bowl. She had a few more wrinkles, grey hairs, and pounds, but she looked as I remembered her.

"Hi Mrs. Gailon," I said, "How are…" The line kept moving past her. I looked back but she was talking to Bradley softly. I shrugged. I could catch up later. We were living together after all.

Lunch was uneventful besides a lot of looks from vaguely familiar faces. Mr. Maurizio had really kept my coming a secret. I ate alone, not wanting to join Keith and be made fun of some more. I had hoped to see Cathleen, but she hadn't shown up. So, I finished my lunch and put my tray in the used pile. I glanced at Bob and Bradley, but they weren't even half done with their food. I walked over.

"I'm going to visit my bobcat before returning to the merch tent," I told them interrupting whatever Keith was saying. I wasn't sorry. Bob nodded quickly. He had way more food than me and was shoveling it in. Bradley too was eating well, but a little slower. Keith ate much less and ate less eagerly which only meant he looked like a civil person instead of a bear. "See you," I said. Keith and Bradley waved. Bob gave a jerky nod and kept eating.

When I made it to Lisa's enclosure, she ran up to me. At first, I felt loved, but then she let out a loud meow that probably meant she was more hungry than anything else. I jogged over to the Gailons' RV to get her lunch. I exercised her a bit as I fed her, leading her through some basic tricks. After that, I washed my hands of blood and returned. I had done everything I needed to do, but Lisa still gazed at me expectantly and I didn't want to leave her yet. So, I went back inside and began petting her. She purred loudly and rubbed against me. There was the love I was hoping for.

"Tonight's the big night, Lisa," I said to her. She purred some more. "I know you'll do great." We stayed like that for a while. I couldn't believe I was procrastinating on my first day. That must be some sort of laziness record. Eventually, shame convinced me that I needed to head back.

As I left, I ran into Cathleen. There was no mistaking those large bouncy blonde ponytails. She was petite like her mother and had the same large brown eyes as Keith. She also was wearing a shiny pink outfit that matched Keith's. "Cathleen!" I exclaimed hugging her. She hugged me back not as tightly, but she did. I stepped back and began to remember how awkward this reunion was going to be. The first problem was she didn't seem to recognize me. She was squinting at me. Had I really changed that much? Hardly anyone seemed to recognize me. I almost wanted to leave without saying anything else, but this was Cathleen. I could handle a bit of awkwardness for her. I steeled myself and said, "It's me, Kelsey. How are you?"

Cathleen seemed confused. She narrowed her eyes even more and then finally I saw recognition. "Oh my god! Kelsey! You're back? When did this happen? How long are you visiting?"

"I'm not visiting. I'm staying," I said, "Listen, Cathleen. I…" Cathleen looked at me hesitantly. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Oh?" Cathleen said surprised.

"Yeah, I…I missed you," I said. It was true. Cathleen was my best friend as a kid and I never met anyone else who could replace her in Oregon. No one there understood me. Unless you counted Lisa, I had made no close friends.

"Well yeah, I missed you too," Cathleen said awkwardly, "Um…" she glanced passed me. "I gotta go. But we'll catch up." She ran past me. I watched her leave, heading for the largest enclosure past the dogs and Lisa. A little awkward was right, but at least she was talking to me.

I went back to the merch tent. Bradley, Keith, and Bob had finished without me. They directed me to go to the dressing room to help set up there. The rest of the day I went around and helped out everywhere from the dressing room tent, the ticket stands, face painting and balloon stall and anywhere else that wasn't the big top. Performers were walking around, both in casual and performance wear, going to practice and helping out elsewhere. I even spotted Cathleen a few more times but I didn't try speaking to her again. I need a better plan then just: I'm Kelsey. How are you? I'm sorry and I miss you. Let's be friends again. Still, I wanted to go up and join her so badly. I wanted to join all of them.

Instead, I just looked on.

It was when I was helping Mrs. Gailon with mixing paints for face painting that the atmosphere changed. It was sunset and the weather was changing from mildly warm to mildly cold. There weren't any performers wandering around anymore either. But what really did it was the circus tent lights coming on. The fairgrounds glowed. The circus music started. And I felt a lightness inside me that I hadn't felt in many, many years. I smiled. It was time for the circus.

Seconds later, my pleasure was dampened significantly when I realized that I had to go back to the merch tent to help out Bob and Bradley. It was only a couple of hours and I wasn't really qualified to do anything else, but I would miss the show.

I went to the merch tent and was greeted with a frown from Bob. Bradley only stared at me. I grabbed a jester hat, clown nose, and baton to model and faced the parking lot waiting for customers. Bob sighed and stood next to me with white tiger ears on his head. He looked ridiculous with his scowl and those fluffy ears on his head. I had to try very hard not to laugh. I think Bob noticed because he glared at me.

Surprisingly, Bradley went out front. He wore a white tiger mask and paws. On him, the stuff just looked adorable. As families and couples came streaming in, we smiled and watched them pass. A few families with small kids picked up one of the light-up items. A little girl grabbed a full tiger costume of ears, mask, paws, and plushie. I had noticed before when we were unpacking, but as the crowd died, I ventured a question.

"Dhiren sure is super popular, isn't he?" I asked.

Bob looked at me and rolled his eyes. Surprisingly Bradley answered, "Mom complains he's too popular sometimes…"

"Really? I bet he's really something then?" I asked looking at Bradley. He wilted under my glaze even with the mask still on, you could tell.

"You've never seen our current show then," Bob said, more thinking aloud then really talking to me. "You should go inside."

I stayed firm and protested, "No I can't. I gotta help you."

Bob at first looked surprised and then he glared at me "You don't gotta do anything. We'll be fine. We always have been," he said.

I stayed firmer still. I would not play hooky on my first day. Even if I really really really wanted to. I hadn't seen a circus since I left. Sarah tried to take me to a different one once, but it made me homesick. Sometimes I watched YouTube videos and I read many books, but they weren't the same.

"Plus," Bob added interrupting my thoughts, "You've been looking at the tent longingly this whole time. It's super annoying and you're not doing a good job being so distracted." I hesitated. Bob sighed. "I'm not gonna rat you out or anything. Just go already."

Bradley pushed me out of the tent. "Have fun," he said waving a paw.

"Yeah, you do that," Bob said. I smiled at them. This was a bad idea, but that didn't dampen my mood at all. I really did just need a little push. Because once I was out of the tent, I nearly ran into the circus.


	4. Trainer, Trainer

**Chapter 4: Trainer, Trainer**

It was harder to enter than I thought it would be because of the clown who was handing out tickets. It was hard to call him that though. He might have worn the make-up, but he was hardly the fun-loving type. He was probably one of the most disgruntled men I'd ever met and he seemed to get joy from denying me entrance. I finally convinced him that I was an employee and thus shouldn't have to pay the entrance fee with the help of Mrs. Gailon at the face painting booth.

I opened the flap and walked in. The instant I stepped into the tent, my mind was filled with memories: the smell of hot buttered popcorn and cotton candy, the dim red tinted light and children's voices speaking in a mixture of boredom and excitement. I eagerly took my seat near the back.

At center stage and all lit up was Mr. Maurizio standing there in his gold-embroidered red coat and shining gold hat. He raised his arm and his voice boomed out. "Welcome to Circus Maurizio! Today, we bring a beast from a faraway land. The true king of the Indian jungle, Dhiren! I asked you all for quiet so we may hear the mighty beast's cry."

They were starting with the tiger? I smirked. I had been a little worried about whether Lisa and I would be able to complete with a tiger but if he was going first, the act couldn't be that amazing. The crowd loved it though. All around me, adults in the crowd shushed their children and eventually, there was relatively quiet except for a lone baby's cry. Then the lights went dim and the crowd seemed to go cold.

The roar rippled through the silence. It rumbled inside of me. People screamed most of them cries of delight and shock, but one was a true scream. It was louder than the rest and sounded like real fear. It came from backstage. I nearly stood up so did a few others when we heard a bunch of cartoony sound effects honking and pots crashing and a Hannès Schroll scream. I sat back down. It was part of the show. It had to be.

"Sweet Porco Cane!" Mr. Maurizio shouted. "That was one roar. Even I was scared." He laughed, but only a few people nervously joined in, "Some of our members are still tiger shy. I will go check and see to everything. In the meantime, the show must go on." He clapped his hands and the whole stage lit up. Then he briskly left.

Immediately, the music was back. A parade of clowns began to march in, but few people paid attention. They were too busy murmuring trying to reassure themselves. Even I had trouble focusing on the stage. Surely, it was normal circus show stuff. Nothing to worry about said the people who had come to the circus before. Right? I tried to relax. It was normal circus antics. Someone had probably screamed because of the roar backstage. Bob and Keith would probably laugh at me if they could see how tense I was. Everything was fine.

Soon the audience was able to settle down and enjoy the show. The clowns were all juggling and balancing on balls. One was balancing plates. I had trouble recognizing anyone I knew because of all the make-up. I thought I saw Bobby's dad juggling bowling pins. Bringing up the rear was Bradley's mother, Clare, who despite her white make-up and brightly colored afro, was looking very sexy. She sashayed in. On her head were a bunch of objects, anything from vases to pies to what looked like a pair of shears.

She surveyed the other clowns as they spread out to the perimeter of the stage. Clare remained in the center. They began to do a skit where each of the male clowns tried to impress her while getting more impressive and aggressive toward each other. The fighting climaxed with two jugglers having a juggle fight complete with knives, pies, plates, torches and a rubber chicken.

Just as the music crescendoed a man came flying out into the spectacle ruining the whole thing. He was dressed in a purple and white tuxedo and had a chair, whip, and large top hat. As he came to the sliding stop, he found himself in between the jugglers' display earning himself a rubber chicken to the face. The rest of the objects crashed to the ground and the clowns stomped their large feet in anger at their show being interrupted.

The man didn't even seem to notice the clowns' angry faces. He cried out to the crowd. "Has anyone seen my tiger? I've lost my tiger." We looked at him. He actually was very young like in his twenties. I expected the main animal trainer to at least be 40. Strange… A couple of people shook their head.

The man turned to the clowns. They stared at him confused. Then the clowns looked at each other and they shrugged and shook their heads. Bobby's dad stepped forward and started another skit. Apparently, the clowns didn't remember what a tiger looked like. The man was forced to describe it and hijinks ensued. They call kids from the audience to help explain. It wasn't awe-inspiring but it was obvious this tiger bit was part of the show and the kids were having tons of fun.

When the clowns finally understood, they looked fearful and Clare nearly dropped the stack on her head. Within seconds they scattered making funny clown sounds as they ran out terrified without answering the man's question about whether they'd seen his tiger or not.

He caught Bobby's dad by the hand asking about the tiger, but Bobby's dad slapped the trainer in the face with a pie and ran off. The trainer rubbed his face and turn to us again. His head and shoulders were dripping with cream pie. The children giggled. "Well if you see my tiger all you need to do is call out Trainer! Trainer! Tiger! Tiger! Alright?" The crowd looked at him. "What do you say?"

Some people mumbled "Tiger. Tiger."

"I can't hear you!"

The crowd kept redoing the call until he was satisfied and then he left via stage-right.

The second he left, the tiger appeared stage-left through the back curtain. I stared transfixed at the tiger. I had seen plenty of big cats as a kid, but immediately something about the tiger stuck me as different. He wasn't just a predator surveying his surroundings. This tiger circled the ring staring into the crowd. Not at our food or the lights, but at our faces. The entire crowd was stunned. Then when he nearly finished going around a third of the stage a few kids remember to call for the trainer. At that point, I realized with horror this tiger was allowed to be alone in the ring. There was no true cage. Just a raised wall to protect the people in their seats which seemed high enough until you remembered that tigers could climb trees. I looked around. Surely the trainer was somewhere close. He wouldn't leave a tiger with a crowd of civilians, many of them children. The tiger almost made it to my side when the trainer came running. You could hear his loud footfalls and things falling backstage. The tiger stopped and turned to backstage to listen to the sounds. He glanced back at my side of the arena before fleeing backstage.

The trainer returned out of breath and too late. He looked frantically around for the tiger, but the tiger was gone. Then the trainer turned on us and he looked at us disapprovingly. He was still covered in the pie. A bit of it dripped off his chin.

"There's no tiger. Why is there no tiger?" he huffed out. "Guys," the trainer had caught his breath and asked, "Why is there no tiger here?"

No one said anything. The silence grew awkward. Then he made an aha sound and clapped his hands together.

"It's because you were too slow and maybe too quiet as well. You're all too shy to say anything even to an innocent question. Never fear!" he paused and looked around. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted through them. "This. Is. A. Circus!"

It was like a loudspeaker. People cried out from the sound and I covered my ears, but I could still hear his now muffled voice. "It's okay to participate. To be bold. To shout. To have fun. You're not going to get into trouble for it. Here I'll show you," he said.

He took a breath and yelled out a roar. Not a human sound, a tiger roar. He yelped and turned towards the sound. The roar continued attacking our ears. He glanced apologetically at us. "I have to go!" He ran off toward the sound.

Before the crowd knew what was happening, the tiger had returned coming from the opposite side. Because people were still looking at the flapping curtain and hearing the roar they didn't immediately notice the tiger. But when he tried to circle the arena. People began calling out for the trainer, but the call was shaky because most of the adults weren't joining in without being forced by their kids. They were more interested in watching the tiger than helping the trainer catch him. Plus, the roaring sound of the tiger, though distant, was still going and it was drowning most of the crowd out. Thus, the tiger was free to head in my direction again. He seemed intent on seeing the entire ring. The tiger seemed to scan every face looking for something. He was coming closer. I began to feel this buzzing sensation as he drew nearer. What would happen when he looked at me?

I didn't get to find out. The roaring finally stopped and the crowds' cries could finally be heard. The tiger was reluctant to leave and scanned a few more faces, but then there was a loud crashing sound. The trainer footfalls were now louder than before. With every other step, they seem to clang. The tiger looked more annoyed than scared, but he slinked off to backstage nonetheless. When the trainer appeared clutching his side, it became obvious what happened. His left foot was in a bucket. It clanged as he walked. He looked around for the tiger but of course, he was gone.

The trainer whisper to the crowd so quietly most of us couldn't hear him. An annoying teenage voice in the back shouted, "We can't hear you!"

"Well, neither could I. You all were too quiet. I could barely hear the lot of you and it's not like you can't shout. I just heard him." the trainer gestured to the voice. He shook his head. "It's like I said. You have to be bold. I think you all need another lesson. If I can't hear you over a tiger's roar then what's the point of a warning?"

The trainer shook his head. Then the trainer asked the voice to come down to the front and then the trainer and acne-faced teenager taught the crowd the cheer. When we met the trainer standards, the trainer sent the teen back into the stands.

"Hope you all understand how to be useful now. I need to know when the tiger gets here. Not that I understand how he got here so fast," the trainer gave us one last look and left.

Predictably, the tiger appeared. The crowd reacted before he got anywhere and shouted with near full participation and then the tiger was gone. The trainer ran out the opposite side of the stage as he raced out he tripped on something. Probably his bucket and fell face first right into another cream pie. Up until then, I hadn't really noticed it, but a bunch of the clown's stuff was still onstage including a few pies.

The trainer got up slowly wiping out pie from his face. He looked at us. "There's no tiger. Why is there no tiger?" he asked in the sort of innocent voice a coach would use before biting a player's head off.

Again no one said anything. The trainer circled the arena. He prowled and looked at the kids. His face growing redder. "I said be bolder and this was a place you couldn't get into trouble. I thought that common courtesy was still involved. I didn't want to think it of our precious audience. But it's obvious. I'm not a fool. LYING," he shouted the word and the crowd flinched. "is wrong and YOU ARE…" he pointed at us. But we didn't to hear what we were because then Mr. Maurizio showed up.

"Lupin, Lupin what's wrong," he asked the trainer. The red-faced trainer seemed the fall toward Maurizio cutting the tension.

"Mr. Maurizio!" he whined, "I can't find my tiger."

"So… I've noticed," Mr. Maurizio said drily. The crowd began to giggle.

"And the clowns, they threw a pie in my face," he cried gesturing at his face.

"So… I see." Mr. Maurizio said though he avoided looking at his pie face. The crowd was full on laughing

"And I have a bucket on my foot. It made me trip into another pie," the trainer lifted up his foot and clanged the bucket.

"So… I heard" Mr. Maurizio said, covering his ears. The crowd was still laughing at this two-man act.

"And… and," the trainer gestured at the crowd, "The crowd keeps lying to me." Some people were just unable to stop, but at this most of the laughter died down.

Mr. Maurizio frowned. "No," he said, "This is nonsense. Our audience does not lie."

"But Mr. Maurizio!"

"No. No. The audience pays us good money and we show them a good show."

"But"

"No Lupin. The audience has given you good money. And where is your show? Where is your tiger? Where are your dogs? This is no good."

"I know," Lupin the trainer wailed.

Mr. Maurizio patted the trainer on the back but he was careful not to touch any pie. "There, there, Lupin. Perhaps the people are just jumpy. Yes? We'll clean you up and start our next act. Show them a good show. Something fun and light to calm the crowd down. Alright? We'll find your tiger."

Lupin the trainer nodded.

Mr. Maurizio looked up at us and opened his arms. "Then may I present the teenage duo of blonde wonders, the silk siblings."

With a flourish, two silk scarves fell from above, one pink and the other baby blue. They hung from the ceiling. I knew what was happening and I smiled. This was Cathleen's act. She and Keith ran out and waving at the crowd.

"Be amazed and amused," Mr. Maurizio cried out. Then he stepped back and led Lupin away.

Cathleen and her brother, Keith watched with concerned faces and then they turned to us smiling. Some exciting music began to play and they got on their ropes. They twisted and poised to the music spinning around each other. It was beautiful. Cathleen had really improved since I last saw her. Keith wasn't bad either. As Mr. Maurizio said, the crowd had calmed down and was enjoying the show.

Which is why everyone cried out in surprise when the tiger appeared again. This time he came from stage-right. The tiger looked up at Keith and Cathleen who just finished and were still up in the air. Then the tiger walked over to Cathleen on the blue rope. The tiger stood and began to bat at Cathleen's rope. I cried out in fear, but the rest of the crowd laughed. The tiger turned to the crowd. He looked like a kitten playing with string. I couldn't believe that they were letting the tiger interact with the non-trainer members of the circus like this. Beyond that, Cathleen was a minor. I looked at Cathleen she was trying to smile, but her eyes looked terrified. The crowd shouted cheerfully and loudly for the trainer and I shouted too, desperately. As Cathleen and Keith just stared down at the tiger. Lupin came running, but again the tiger slipped out before he arrived.

Cathleen was pointing shakily where the tiger had been and Keith was scanning the ground not wanting to get down. The trainer didn't look angry. He was just surprised.

What seemed like an eternity, He cried out flatly, "Not you guys too…" and then much more earnestly he called for Mr. Maurizio.

Mr. Maurizio jogged out. He saw the shaking performer and his face paled. I bit my lip. Was this part of the show? Mr. Maurizio looked around and then he motioned for Cathleen and Keith to come down.

"Applause for the brave souls," Mr. Maurizio said. The crowd cheered and clapped. Most of them thought it was more of the show. I wasn't really sure. Mr. Maurizio smiled. "I believe now it is time for a break. Have food. Disguise yourself from the tiger at the face painting station and our merch tent. And please relax. We will finish the show and Lupin will capture the tricky beast once and for all. Yes?"

Keith rolled his eyes at this but Lupin puffed out his chest.

"Of course," Lupin said.

The crowd laughed and all the lights turned on. They got to get food. I went to the merch tent to help Bobby and Bradley. I wanted to interrogate them when I got there, but we were filled with customers buying tiger stuff. Too soon intermission passed without us exchanging a word. I walked back to the crowd deciding that perhaps Lupin was unorthodox, but it was the circus and he probably had complete control. I won't worry yet. If this was all his doing then I would have to ask after the show how he is doing all this.


	5. Tiger, Tiger

**Chapter 5: Tiger, Tiger**

After intermission, there was an exciting trapeze show with Cathleen's other brother Jeffrey and her sister Heather. It was excellent but I and many other members of the crowd kept our eyes peeled for the tiger. Eventually, he peaked his head out from the back of the stage. He hid before anyone else seemed to notice, but I did. I could still see his dark blue eyes. He was watching the act, his head nodding as Heather executed a particularly fantastic move. After she had landed, the tiger peaked out his head again. Most of the kids noticed the tiger and shouted for the trainer. Instead of hiding the tiger moved to center stage he seemed to move right towards me. No, not toward me, he was moving to get a better look at Heather and Jeffery. They stared down at the tiger fearfully. Jeffery was still hanging on a trapeze.

Below, Lupin had finally returned to actually find the tiger. He was all cleaned up and he had his chair and whip ready. The most amazing thing was that he was quiet, really quiet. He crept behind the tiger who was looking up at Heather fixedly.

When he got close, Lupin cracked his whip. The tiger jerked his head toward the sound. Seeing Lupin, the tiger leaped back into a crouch. His teeth were bared. For the first time, the tiger looked like a wild beast. He tried to dart past the trainer but the trainer backpedaled and managed to block him.

"You're not going anywhere!" the trainer called out. "You have a lot of nerve Dhiren, forcing me to run all over which-where to find you and terrorizing the other acts…" Lupin cracked the whip again. With each crack of the whip, he was forcing the tiger back toward the crowd. Lupin used his chair as well shoving it at Dhiren. "How did you convince the clowns to play that roaring sound for you huh?" Crack! "Huh?!" Crack! I shivered. Lupin seemed to enjoy this a little too much as he swung angrily at the tiger. The trainer really seemed to be aiming at Dhiren. The tiger's quick reaction seemed to be the only thing allowing it to avoid the whip.

As the tiger backed away from the whip, he paced from side to side looking for an opening to escape. But each time, he was forced to travel less and less as Lupin cracked the whip faster and faster limiting the tiger's movement until the tiger was forced to be still. When this happened, Lupin cried out. "I finally got you. You're here. I'm here and we're gonna give a show." Lupin slammed down the chair into the dirt just behind center stage. "Sit," he shouted sharply. The tiger seemed reluctant so Lupin cracked the whip again and shouted, "Sit!" The tiger sat.

"Turn and face the crowd," the trainer said. Slowly the tiger turned around on the small chair.

"Good. Now you stay there and watch," Lupin said.

Then he turned away from us and the giant tiger and called out. "Morey! Roger! Horton! Alexander! Beau! Come on out here!" A beagle followed by a greyhound mix, bulldog, a Great Dane, and a little black poodle came out yipping from backstage. They all raced out in front of the tiger to face us. As Lupin turned and looked at the dogs, he smiled for the first time. It transformed his face making him look like a kind and affable sort instead of the prissy guy he had been acting like all show.

Then Lupin and his dogs started to perform. The trainer led the dogs through an impressive routine where the dogs leaped over each other. Then a clown raced out with what looked like a hollow drum. The beagle entered the drum and the greyhound mix jumped on top and then they rolled around a bit, to much applause. After that, the music changed and the dogs started a Congo line. It was all very entertaining. Everyone was having a good time.

Well, almost everyone, the tiger was only half watching the performance. He kept glancing up at the audience. I could barely concentrate on the dog show myself. The anticipation of having the tiger look into my face was far more pressing. Finally, during the Conga line, our eyes met. Those eyes. I'd never seen anything like them, deep blue and mesmerizing. They stared right into me… into my soul.

As I returned their steady gaze, I felt myself getting lost in them. The stage, the music, and the strong aroma of hot buttered popcorn and cotton candy fell away. For a moment, it was just me and the tiger, transported to a different time and place, me looking out from a palace balcony and the tiger staring up from the edge of a jungle. A soft breeze wrapped around me carrying the scent of night blooming jasmine and sandalwood and I could hear the distant sounds of the jungle. Together we stood watching each other almost longingly. Though we said nothing. Still, I could almost hear his words pleading for something. I opened my mouth…

The next thing I knew, someone bumped into me and I broke eye contact. Immediately I was whipped out of my fantasy and back to the circus. I squeezed my eyes shut in pain and confusion. What the hell was that? I pushed my hands through my hair and squinted down at the stage. The conga music had stopped and all around me, people were clapping. Below the tiger was shaking his head like he too had been pulled out of a vision. But that was crazy, whatever just happened was crazy. I took a deep breath. I breathed in the circus air and tried desperately to convince myself I had been dreaming. That was the only sane explanation.

At center stage, Lupin saw the tiger shaking his head. "Didn't you like the show?" Lupin asked the tiger. The tiger stared at Lupin. The tiger's head was raised in a haughty expression and then the tiger let out a big yawn. Lupin angrily stomped his foot and the crowd laughed.

"Why you!" Lupin sputtered and then he took a deep breath and calmly said, "Let's see if you can do any better then." Lupin flicked his wrist and the dogs ran backstage. I watched them go and realized at some point Jeffery and Heather had left the stage. When did that happen? I shook my head again.

Now the tiger was standing on the chair. He looked unhappy. Lupin was cracking his whip trying to get the tiger to jump. The tiger refused even though he seemed afraid of the whip. His eyes watched it like any normal tiger would. Lupin was furious.

"Fine. Fine!" He said throwing up his hands. He marched past the tiger and whistled with his two fingers. A couple of clowns came out with a huge square cage for the tiger. The tiger sat back down on the chair and yawned again.

"If you're not going to contribute you're to get into your cage where you belong, Dhiren," Lupin said. the clowns had rolled the cage in backward though so the entrance was on the other side when they opened it. Lupin cracked his whip. "Get in the cage." The tiger, Dhiren, glanced up at me and for a second, it looked like he winked. Then he turned to face the cage. The tiger crouched on that tiny chair and leaped up into the air. There were cries of wonder from the crowd as he was airborne above the cage. Time seemed to stop as the tiger soared pass the cage and clowns. My mouth was a wide O and then the tiger landed. For a moment, even Lupin forgot to be angry and then the tiger scampered off. The audience erupted into applause. Mr. Maurizio appeared from the ether. He waved at the crowd and applauded Lupin. When the cheers calmed down, he summoned up the rest of the circus cast. They all came and bowed to the enthusiastic crowd. Finally. Mr. Maurizio called for Dhiren. The tiger ran out and circled the stage before finally getting into his cage. He posed in the cage and let out a roar of approval. The crowd went wild. I was clapping too in a daze. This was incredible. That was all I could call tonight.

Incredible.

 **A/N: It's a double feature today. I hope you liked the show. I'm going to try to update on a monthly basis from now on. We'll see how it goes.**


	6. Lisa's Act

**Chapter 6: Lisa's Act**

After the excitement of the circus, it was hard to believe that the day wasn't over. But for us circus folk the night went on. Bob, Bradley and I cleaned and locked up the products in the merch tent. As we cleaned up I tried to bring up the show, but they weren't interested. After a couple of attempts, Bob told me the shut up. I told him he was an arrogant little snot.

Then we headed back to the cafeteria in silence. I couldn't understand it. They had let me go see the show because they liked it, but they didn't want to hear me brag about their friends. Bob and Bradley were weird. I was actually glad to see Keith when we entered the cafeteria. He waved and actually got out of line to meet us.

"Hey," I said, "Nice performance."

"Eh, I mucked up a couple twists, but I'm glad you liked it," he replied with a shrug. Of course, the guy couldn't handle a compliment. "I'm surprised you saw it though," he said. "Weren't you supposed to be manning the merch tent tonight?" At this, I looked at Bob and Bradley, but they were no help.

"These two thought I should go," I gestured at the cousins before walking into line. Keith and the boys followed. "It's been such a long time. Everyone has improved so much. You and Cathleen were really something. Where is your sister anyway? I've been hoping to catch up."

Keith eyed me before replying, "Oh, she's still in the dressing room. She should come in with Matt later if I had to guess."

"Matt?"

"Lupin the animal trainer is just a stage name," Bradley said rather helpfully.

"A corny one," Bob added. Keith's shoulder hunched a bit with a laugh, but his face stayed neutral.

We grabbed our food. It was stir-fry tonight and everything was still steaming hot. There were several choices, but I got beef with teriyaki glaze and lots of sticky rice. Tomorrow I'd start worrying about vegetables, but for my first night, I was gonna enjoy my meat and potatoes or rice in this case.

When I left the line, I made to sit by myself, but Keith told me Cathleen would come to his table. I wasn't sure I believed him, but I followed him to find out. Daniel was already sitting there with Jeffrey alone at the table. They nodded at us as we all sat down.

"Rare for you to sit with us, Keith," Daniel said.

"Well it isn't every day the infamous Kelsey Hayes returns to the circus," Keith replied jauntily.

Everyone at the table was awkward for a moment until Keith laughed. Daniel laughed more nervously.

"So, Kelsey says she liked our show," Keith added.

"Yeah!" I jumped in. "It was spectacular." I waved my hands as I talked about the acrobatics, the dogs, the clown skit, and tiger bits. Jeffery and Daniel seemed to swell with pride as I talked about each act in detail excitedly. Even Keith seemed more cocky than usual.

When I talked about the tiger though, people changed. There Jeffery looked uncomfortable and Keith's playful eyes lost their sparkle. I didn't dwell on it. There were many things about that act I couldn't explain, too many things. I hoped that Matt would be able to answer some of them.

Midway through dinner, the conversation had shifted to day to day matters and I had finished my food. I was just about to leave when Cathleen showed up with Matt.

Seeing him up close, Matt looked very plain and oddly familiar. He was tall, but that was the manliest thing about him. He had a lame greased haircut that looked like it belonged to the fifties and his large brown eyes had an anxious look similar to Bradley's. It was hard to believe this guy could train any animal, let alone a tiger. He just looked too meek. He and Cathleen sat down.

"Keith," Cathleen said. "You're here." She narrowed her eyes. Keith smiled.

"Hi ,Cathleen!" I said.

"Oh, hey Kelsey," Cathleen gave me a small smile.

I smiled back brightly. Then I turned to Matt. I held out my hand. "Hi Matt, it's nice to meet you. I loved your act. I've never seen anything like it before." Matt stared at me and my hand that was hovering over the table. His face was a huge mix of emotions I couldn't begin to read. I waited for him to shake my hand. The whole table seemed to be watching us.

My hand was still hanging there when Mr. Maurizio stood up and called for attention. Everyone looked up at him. I withdrew my hand while everyone was distracted. I frowned glancing over at Matt. We made eye contact before he blushed and looked away. Maybe the poor guy was just shy. I didn't want to make anything of it yet. I turned to Mr. Maurizio, feeling the butterflies in my stomach.

"Tonight, is a very special night, my friends," Mr. Maurizio began, "One of our own has returned. Please welcome mi patatina, Miss Kelsey Hayes." He gestured at me and everyone stared. I smiled hard. Many of the looks were confused and others unfriendly. "She will be working with Matt and Mr. Davis as an animal trainer. And tonight, in the tent she will give a little taste of her ability. So, after dinner please come and see our new star shine." He held out his hands for applause and there was polite clapping. He smiled brightly and walked over to me.

"I see you have met Matt already, mi patatina," he said. I nodded. "Good. Good. How long will you need to get ready?"

"An hour to feed Lisa and get ready I think. I—"

"I already fed your bobcat," Matt replied.

"Oh?" I said turning to him.

"Yes, she looked hungry so I fed her some meat from our stock during clean up," He said more to Mr. Maurizio than me.

Mr. Maurizio clapped his hands together, "Fantastico! So, you should be ready sooner? Yes?"

"Yeah, I guess I only need a half hour thanks to Matt."

"Good! I will see to it that you will have an audience. I won't keep you. Talk to Mr. Odoso about the stage and go prepare, mi patatina," Mr. Maurizio said.

I did as he said and had another uncomfortable conversation with Mr. Odoso. Then I borrow the keys from Cathleen and left out quickly to the Gailons' RV. I changed into the safari costume that I used for performances. It was tan with shiny deep green accents. It didn't meet the normal circus criteria for sparkles, feathers, and glitter, but it had the plus side of not looking silly when I performed in Oregon. Now that I was back in the circus though. It felt a little lackluster. As a kid, I'd worn this gold sequined monstrosity. Just thinking about it made me shiver. Hopefully, my official circus outfit would be better.

With my green hoops and riding crop in hand, I went over to the animal enclosures cautiously. I really didn't want to get into another staring contest with Dhiren today. I could untangle the Dhiren mystery later. Right now, it was time for me, Lisa, and the stage.

I called Lisa softly and we both hurried out of the enclosure toward the stage. After warming up and practicing the harder parts of our routine on the circus stage, Mr. Maurizio poked his head into the tent. "Are you ready Kelsey?" he called out to me.

"Yes," I replied. "Bring them in." Mr. Maurizio stepped forward into the tent. He was followed by several people. The Gailon family, Matt, the clown cousins and what seemed to me to be most of the circus. Even Mr. Odoso was there.

I watched the crowd enter intently. The butterflies had reentered my stomach, but I stood straight and tall. I was a part of this circus and I would prove that to everyone. As the last person sat down my eyes flicked over to the tent entrance. I felt myself expecting someone else, but the moment passed and I was forced to address the crowd.

"Hello. My name is Kelsey Hayes. I grew up here with my parents. They were big cat trainers. I hope to follow in their footsteps. Lisa and I are going to give you guys a show," I said simply. A part of me wanted to make a grand speech, but talk was cheap. Lisa and I would show them what we were made of.

First things first, I hit my riding crop against my gloved hand to make a tat-ta-tat-tat sound. Lisa sat down and stared out at the crowd. Her tail straight and lifted with agitation. "Alright, Lisa give our friends a warm welcome." Lisa lifted her paw and waved it. The crowd clapped a little. I smiled.

"I think you can do better than that Lisa," I said cracking the riding crop. Lisa stood up and roared. There was a little more applause. Next were the real tricks. I brought out my green hoops.

"There we go. Now for the real show! Lisa help me out." I threw her my green hoops one by one. Each hoop was a different size ranging from the diameter of a soccer ball to a full hula-hoop. I intentionally threw them badly, forcing Lisa to leap to catch them. Some of the hoops bounced a bit before she got them, but she caught them all. Each time, she captured a hoop she laid them down on the stage forming a pentagon.

When she was done, I cracked my riding crop and she jumped from hoop to hoop with ease. After that, we slowed down so that I had time to move each hoop further away from the one before it. She leaped from the biggest hoop to smallest, never missing a beat. Even as the hoops got further away she still made it inside the hoops just like we practiced. After her last jump of nearly ten feet away, I bowed and called Lisa to me.

"Good Job, Lisa," I said. Then I held out my hand and she shook it. The whole while we were getting earnest applause. I waved and Lisa mimicked me until the crowd fell silent.

"Thank you. Now I need 4 volunteers," I said facing the crowd. Slowly some hands went up. I called up Matt, Mr. Maurizio, Daniel and Mrs. Gailon. Once they were on stage, they took a hoop and held it so it rested on the ground. Then they squatted a bit as instructed. I did the same at the front with the smallest hoop.

Then at the crack of my crop, Lisa ran through our legs and the hoops with ease. This was more a warm-up to get Lisa used to the volunteers. I let her take her time. She seemed most skittish around Matt who held the largest hoop. Probably because he smelled like tiger and dog. When she felt satisfied she came up next to me. I gave her a quick scratch just beneath her chin like she liked and took a deep breath.

"You stay here Lisa. I now would like to set up our last trick." I instructed each volunteer to back away from each other and hold their hoop up at a different height from shin level upward. I held the last smallest hoop above my head facing the crowd.

"Alright Lisa," I said prompting her to start. I couldn't see Lisa for this trick, but I could hear the crowd. The appreciative sounds and even a few gasps as Lisa ran around and started to clear the higher hoops. I stayed very still. As I watched with satisfaction, the looks on Keith's and Bob's face break their usual expressions to show that they were impressed. Finally, Lisa came behind me. I could sense her crouch and spring up. I fought the urge to flee and stayed still. With a blur of motion, she jumped through the ring and landed in front of me with a thud. She had done it!

I took the hoop off my head and bowed. I was breathing hard and smiling harder. I had barely done anything, but I felt like I had been jumping through the hoops with Lisa. Everyone was clapping, even the volunteers on stage. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I never wanted it to end.

 **A/N:** **First I'm trying an old editing method. I went back to the older chapters and polished them up like this one. So, hopefully, smoother sailing and reading for now on.**

 **Second, my beta reader, march4fun, gave this story an endorsement. He is the whole reason this fic exists. When we both decided to start writing fics together this summer, I never thought I would get this involved with fanfiction, but I'm having so much fun. I can't tell you how excited I am to take you on this journey. And it's all thanks to march4fun.**

 **He has several stories out right now. Hammer of the Bat is his newest one. It combines the stoic character of Batman with the chaotic Pinkie-Pie Deadpool character of Nora from the RWBY web series as they try to survive Arkham Asylum together. It's super fun so far, so if that appeals to you please check it out.**


	7. The Kitchen

**Chapter 7: The Kitchen**

The next day, I jolted awake before the sun was even up and found myself staring at the underside of Cathleen's bed. The RV was filled with a sleepy kind of quiet. I was really here. I let out a sigh of happiness. Last night had seemed like a dream but here I was. I rolled over and checked my phone. It was 4 am. There was plenty of time, but I felt restless, so I got up.

Within half an hour, I was dressed and ready. I was too excited to go slowly. The only thing that made me pause was choosing a ribbon to tie my hair with. Today I decided on red to celebrate my first full day at the circus. I smiled, quietly stepped out the door, and went straight to the enclosure.

I entered Lisa's enclosure without a second thought. As I suspected, Lisa was asleep. The last few days had been hectic for her and she'd been awake a lot, but today, I'd let her go back to her normal nocturnal schedule. I went over to her. She was laying in the back of the enclosure near the forest. The scent of pine crept into my nose as I sat down next to her. She opened a lazy eye and looked at me before going back to sleep. I leaned back. We were close enough to the edge for me to rest on the metal fence. I stared up at the dark blue sky.

I was a naturally active person, but Lisa always made me feel calm. It's one of my favorite things about her. Back when I first was forced to stay in Oregon, I zipped around without stopping. Practicing my circus skills, trying to start up my dog training business, hiking, running, anything really to distract me from the loss of my parents and my home.

After weeks of begging, Sarah took me to the animal shelter. It was filled with cats and dogs in picket fenced areas to show them off. Sarah stood back and let me explore. I raced around looking at all the cats trying to decide on one when I notice that there in the corner, was a kitten with a short tail and spots. She turned and looked at me. I felt the world stop when I looked into her amber eyes. They were somber for a kitten. She had lost her parents and was an outcast at the shelter. The other cats knew what she was and avoided her. When she looked at me, I could almost hear her saying: I am alone.

I remember, my mind focusing on one thing and one thing only for the first time in days. Truly in the moment without feeling the need to rush or run away from my problems, I reached out my hand to her the way my mother had taught me, the echo of her voice in my ear. I was slow, non-threatening and deliberate, stopping before I actually reached her, and then I waited. I felt my own warm breath in the morning air as I tried to hold my hand still. The kitten had stared at my hand cautiously before creeping forward and rubbing my it. She purred and I smiled, feeling calm and loved for the first time in a long time. I felt that same smile creep across my face at the memory and I closed my eyes.

My phone alarm woke me up. It wasn't loud but the buzzing in my pants forced me awake. I had the strangest dream. Before I had the chance to really think about it though, I pulled out my phone and checked the time. It was past 6 am. I'd missed the first alarm. I cursed myself and got up. I was supposed to be with Cathleen to meet Matt this morning. I quickly walked out of Lisa's enclosure. As I made my way back to the RVs, I ran into Matt and Cathleen on their way out.

"There you are!" Cathleen said, walking towards me. "Matt and I were just wondering where you got to this early."

"I was just checking on Lisa," I said. "I'm really sorry. I…" I decided not to mention that I fell asleep.

"Hmm," was all Matt said to my lack of excuse.

"Well you're here now. Matt and I are heading to the enclosures now," Cathleen said trying to keep the conversation going.

"So, I'll come with you?" I asked.

Cathleen frowned and turned to Matt. Matt cleared his throat. "I made you a schedule." His voice seemed odd and he wouldn't hold my stare as he handed me a piece of paper. I looked down at it.

 _Kelsey Haynes Two Show Circus Schedule_

 _6 am-8 am KP in Cafeteria_

 _8 am-9 am Animal Sanitation_

 _9 am-10 am Personal Development_

 _10 am-12 pm KP in Cafeteria_

 _12 pm-1 pm Concession Stand Prep Duty_

 _1 pm-3 pm Concession Stand Sales_

 _3 pm-5 pm KP in Cafeteria and/or Post Show Clean Up_

 _5 pm to 6 pm Concession Stand Prep Duty_

 _6 pm-8 pm Concession Stand Sales_

 _8 pm -10 pm KP in Cafeteria and/or Post Show Clean Up_

I frowned. I was really hoping to learn more from Matt and his father, but I would hardly see them with a schedule like this. Between sanitation duty and personal time, I could only be with the animals for 2 hours each day. And when was I supposed to eat?

I tried to look on the positive side. I was in the kitchen, which was decent work, and I did get some personal time. And I'm sure it wasn't as bad as it looked. There'd be times when I finished stuff early. Plus, once I got added to the circus roster, things would change.

Apparently, I was staring for too long because Matt said, "Any questions?" His tone was super off-putting and when I looked up I couldn't decide whether he looked worried or angry. Cathleen put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

I did have questions, many questions, but I wasn't sure what to say. As a newbie, no one wanted to hear me complain. In fact, it was plain discouraged. Even if I was a returning member, few seemed to remember me. To a lot of people, I was just fresh meat. If I couldn't handle it, then I wasn't cut out for this life. I decided to smile at Matt, throwing him off. "No, I'm alright. I'd better head over to the cafeteria. See you at 8 am," I said.

I turned toward the cafeteria when Matt says, "What makes you say that?"

I paused turning back to him, I replied "Well sanitation means I have to interact with all the animals, right? I thought you would want to be with me for when I first meet your dogs and Dhiren."

Matt made a face, but before he could say anything, Cathleen interjected, "That makes sense, Matt. You don't want Kelsey to be hassled by Ren."

"Yeah, I just thought she had big cat training," Matt muttered quietly, but not quietly enough for me not to hear.

I did have training from when I was like twelve and everything I self-taught myself, but still. That wasn't the true issue. Sending me alone into a tiger cage without an introduction was a little more extreme than common circus hazing. I looked at Matt and asked, "So?"

"Yeah, I'll be there," he said reluctantly.

"Cool," I said, forcing a newbie smile. I left before the smile cracked.

Matt was definitely not acting like a good mentor. Maybe he was threatened by me. That seemed ridiculous though. His act with Dhiren was amazing. He was the star of the circus and at such a young age too. He hardly needed to worry about me, a self-trained bobcat girl. It didn't make sense to me.

In my irritation, I swung open the door to bang loudly against the wall, announcing my presence to the whole room. The few people who were there eating breakfast stared at me. I blushed and headed to where the food was served. Right before the food trays on the serving counter filled with cereals and oatmeal, there was an inconspicuous door that I pushed open, gently this time.

As I had guessed, there was a major kitchen back there. Ruth, the wife of the head clown and Bob's mother, was busy pouring oatmeal. Standing at the sink doing dishes was a man around 30 or 40 who was probably one of the clowns. When I came in, they both looked up.

"Kelsey Hayes, where were you this morning?" Ruth demanded immediately. Between the dark expression and wild locks, it was hard not to be reminded of Bob. But whereas Bob just looked grumpy with his sour looks, her version was a thing to be feared. Under her stern gaze, I was compelled to explain everything and so, stupidly, I did.

At the end of my story, she huffed, "Really Kelsey, I expected better. Now go on and help Gab with the dishes." I nodded. Her look said that I was getting off easy only because she was busy.

Sufficiently chastised, I quietly made my way to the sink. Gab frowned, hopefully sympathetically, and handed me some gloves. I got to work. I washed while Gab dried. The dishes never seemed to end and I continued washing through the whole meal. Gab, the lucky man, was recruited to help with cooking more oatmeal while I toiled ignoring my stomach pains and the burning water as I watched happy full people drop off their plates.

At the end of my shift, everyone in the kitchen helped finished the last of the dishes. Gab left right at 8 am, but Ruth put an iron hand on my shoulder that stopped me from following him.

I turned to face her, expecting another reprimand. Her expression was still disapproving but all she said was "If you don't want to do dishes all shift, you should show up on time. You're too wet behind the ears to be late, Kelsey Hayes. Make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Right!" I replied a little too eagerly.

She winced a bit and her expression softened…slightly. "See you soon, Kelsey." She gripped my shoulder hard and then pushed me toward the door. I stumbled out still feeling foolish. My dreams weren't going to come true if I didn't shape up. I had to stop getting distracted and focus. I slapped my cheeks with my hands to wake myself up and headed over to the enclosures.

I found Matt waiting for me, alone. I waved and hurried over. "Hey," I said. My newbie smiled back on.

"Hi, so I'll show you around really quickly. After that, I have to go train," he said again not meeting my eyes. He whipped around and started walking quickly.

First, he showed me a shed near Dhiren's enclosure. "So, there's a fridge with Ren's and your bobcat's meat. Cathleen transferred it this morning. I'll be feeding your bobcat from now on since you'll be busy with other duties. The dog food is in here too, as well as the poop bags and shovel for sanitation duty. And then over here..."

He led me behind the shed and showed me a dumpster. "You throw the poop bag in here when you're done." The dumpster was 5 feet tall. At 5'7'' I could reach it, but it was going to be a hassle.

"Any questions?" he asked. I shook my head. "Alright then." He turned and started walking away quickly. Because he was so tall and moving fast, I had to jog to catch up. He moved past Dhiren's cage and Lisa's without a word.

"Hey," I said, "Aren't you going to introduce me to Dhiren?"

"Huh?" he glanced back and seemed surprised to see me. "Oh right." He stopped walking and I nearly ran into him. "I'll introduce you to the dogs first, I guess."

He led me towards the enclosure with the dogs. We stood outside and he pointed at each one, "There's Horton," a bulldog, "Morey," a beagle "Roger," a greyhound mix, "Beau," a cute poodle, "and Alexander," who was the Great Dane of course. At hearing their names, the dogs ran over to us, barking happily. Matt smiled at them and turned to me, no wait, he turned to move away to show me Dhiren.

We walked back to Dhiren cage and he pointed, "Ren always poops in the same corner in the back. He won't bother you if you don't bother him. Alright?"

I frowned at him. "Could you introduce me to him?" How hard was it to get something out of this guy? It was like pulling teeth.

"I just did," he said shortly. Now, I stared at him. He couldn't be serious? Did he understand the risk he was taking by not at least observing me with the fully-grown tiger?

"Look," I said staring him full in the face, "I don't mean to be rude, but I really would prefer if you came in the enclosure and introduced me to him formally."

Matt sighed and said, "Fine." He swung open the door. "Ren," he shouted at the sleeping tiger. Dhiren opened one of his eyes lazily to look at Matt. The tiger flicked its tail in irritation, showing how much he didn't care, but when he spotted me, the tiger immediately rose and trotted up to us.

"Look," Matt said to me forcing me to divide my attention, "Dhiren is probably more harmless than Beau, so stop acting like this is a big deal." I gaped at Matt who refused to meet my eye. It wasn't like I was meeting some guy's dog. Dhiren was a tiger. Not even accounting for my other… misgivings, that alone should allow for some apprehension. Even with Dhiren coming towards us rather fast, Matt looked unconcerned. It irritated me. I was the one who wanted to be the big cat trainer my whole life. Yet, even with my self-training, I felt years behind Matt. He was being so casual, he didn't even realize it, curse him. I did my best to stay firm and calm. My mom always said that it was important not to show fear. Dhiren stopped in front of us and sat down facing me, not Matt.

Our eyes were locked and I tensed. I didn't want to fall unconscious with strange visions again. I fought it with all my will. Beside me Matt was saying "Ren, this is Kelsey. She is working with the bobcat next door and she's on sanitation duty. I expect you to be nice to her and not cause any trouble. Alright?" The last word was cemented with an intense look. Dhiren's face was unmoved, but his tail twitched upward.

Dhiren looked back at me and thankfully I didn't faint. Yes, Dhiren's deep blue eyes were still mesmerizing and yes, I caught the faint hint of sandalwood and jasmine, but nothing else happened. I breathed a sigh relief. I had been actively ignoring "it" until now. I blamed "it" on the stress, excitement, even from a lack of sleep in the last few weeks, but I was glad to know whatever "it" was. "It" didn't seem to be a recurring problem. I was sane. I turned to Matt but found Matt had moved away from me. I turned my whole body slightly, not daring to take my eyes off Dhiren.

"I'll be going then," Matt said from behind me. "Bye."

I heard a metallic clang, and my breath caught in my throat. I slowly turned.

Matt had shut the door.

"Matt!" I hissed as loudly as I dared, so to not to alarm the tiger, "Wait!" but Matt must have run away because I couldn't see him. I searched for him frantically. Surely, he hadn't gone far. In the distance, I heard an enclosure open and I saw him leading the dogs out of their pen.

"Matt," I said again. "Come back!" I swear he heard me. I thought I saw Matt freeze as he walked, but he didn't turn back. I was ready to maim this guy for leaving me in here alone. How dare he just leave! Of all the things…

Then, Dhiren yawned. Instantly my full attention was on him. I was alone with a tiger. Fear doused my anger. I told myself to forget Matt and I had to handle the real problem in front of me.

Dhiren was still watching me. I stared back at him, mentally going back to my training and I began to assess the situation. Seeing the tiger up close, I saw that he looked young. At three, maybe five, years old, Dhiren was in the prime his life. Not only that, but he was large for a tiger which was not comforting.

I searched for signs of restlessness, but luckily the tiger was calm. His muscles were relaxed. Still, there was something pressing in the tiger's expression and he was too focused on me. I was a stranger in his territory. That calm could be an act to show he wasn't afraid of me.

I took a cautious step back, and the tiger immediately stood up. As I feared, he had lost all pretense and was alert. Not good. Docile as a poodle my butt, this was a tiger. A big cat who had found a new toy. I could see the headlines now, aspiring big cat trainer mauled by snow white tiger in a freak accident.

With death a firm possibility, I did what I always do in stressful situations.

I opened my big mouth.

"Soooo…," I said fishing for a topic. The tiger seemed to have relaxed a bit. Good. Perhaps I could lull him. I made my voice soft and comforting like my mom taught me and began saying the first thing that came to mind, "You're Indian. You're probably the first Indian guy my age I've seen in 6 years. Oregon is not a popular place for Indian Americans." Dhiren cocked his head as if he was interested by my horrible conversation skills.

I kept talking. "I'm half Indian on my mom's side. She was always sad that she didn't teach me more of our culture. When she did talk about it she got this look in her eyes. As a kid, I thought they shined, but now that I'm older, I think that it was sadness. She left to join another circus with the Maurizo's and my father and never returned to India. I've never met any of her family either. I…"

Dhiren was sitting again but he tensed as soon as I stopped speaking, but at least he looked less aggressive. So, I kept on going. "I always wondered what her home was like. An Indian circus, surrounded by people who look like me, a different type of family. Not that I'm not happy here, I just get lonely sometimes, you know."

Then I really started rambling about growing up and having the knowledge I was Indian and not really knowing what that meant. I could pass for a tan white person. My long dark hair and olive skin didn't really signal my origins unless you were looking. It felt good to talk about it. And as I spoke, Dhiren really seemed to listen. He stared at me intently and he actually seemed to nod at the right parts. I know all people say that about pets.

Heck, on her good days, Lisa would do this too. Dhiren must be in that kind of mood today because he seemed to hang on every word I said. Soon I began to relax too. He wasn't so different from Lisa. He was just bigger with super expressive eyes.

Eventually, I ran out of things to say and stopped speaking. For a second, my original fear flared up, but it seemed all my talk had completely mellowed him. He was sitting down and seemed in no hurry to come toward me. His eyes were still on me, but they'd lost some of that intensity they had had before. I tried moving again. This time he didn't get up to follow me. Thank Goodness. I warned him that "I'll be right back," and I backed away to the door and opened it, keeping my eyes on him the whole time. He did nothing as I slowly walked out. I could still feel his gaze on me as I grabbed one of the large poop bags and a shovel.

I still had a job to do, after all.

Before I went back in, I paused in front of the door and took a deep breath. He was just a big cat. He was calm. He liked me. He's harmless as a poodle like Matt said. My hands clenched. Matt! I would have words with him later. With Matt on my mind, I swung the door open harder than I meant to and nearly stumbled in.

Dhiren cocked his head at me like he was wondering if I had forgotten how to open the door. I grimaced at the thought. I was acting foolish. I needed to forget about Matt. I could handle Dhiren by myself. I straightened up and slowly but deliberated walked past Dhiren to do my work.

The poop pile was oddly neat, but it smelled as one expected. I tried not to think about it and shovel the stuff in the bag. When I was done, I realized I made my mistake. The bag was too heavy. With one tug, I felt my muscles protest. I sighed. I had to get another bag. Dhiren heard the sound and turned to stare at me curiously.

"I'll be back," I said moving passed him, "Got to get another bag." I quickly left the enclosure for another bag. Returning to the enclosure I found the poop bag and shovel moved to the door. I stared down at them. Dhiren's poop pile was at the far end of the enclosure, several yards away, and yet there they were. I glanced over at Dhiren. He was laying in his original spot acting innocent, but the bag had teeth marks. A part of me knew what happened, but why had it happened and how? Was he trained to do that? The tiger gazed up at me lazily. He didn't even seem to want praise for his act. I frowned at the puzzle, but that was a question for Matt and that jerk wasn't here. So instead I said to Dhiren who was here, "Thank you. That was very helpful, Dhiren."

Dhiren yawned noncommittally. The direct response made me somehow feel even more uneasy, but I shook the feeling off. It was just a yawn and plenty of animals yawned in response to speech. I was just overthinking things because I had a weird dream. I got back to work.

I transferred some of the poo over and carried one bag at a time outside the enclosure to the trash. I heaved the bags into the dumpster and finally put away the shovel. I was done. Relief washed over me. I had survived. I, Kelsey Hayes, had successfully lulled a tiger and been able to clean up his poop.

It sounded less amazing the more I thought about it but it was still true and as a reward for my hard labor, I would go see Lisa and try to do something with this adrenaline high. I strode purposefully to her cage. When I walked past Dhiren's door, he got up. I paused. The tiger was probably wondering where I was going. I said, "I have to do the others, Dhiren."

Dhiren blinked and then flicked his head away as if to say: I don't need you.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said through the fence. Though he was still faced mostly away from me. I saw that his eyes lit up and I felt a small smile creep up on my face. Dhiren had personality. There was no denying that.

The other enclosures weren't nearly as eventful. Thank Goodness. Lisa was still asleep and the dogs were gone, so my cleanup was a breeze. I took out my phone. Taking care of Dhiren had taken up the majority of my time. I only had a half hour left before lunch KP. I was weighing my options when my stomach growled. That answered that question.

The rest of the day, I reported on time to my scheduled duties. Ruth explained that we usually tasted the food before we started work. Another reason to be on time. Also, I found out that in the night, Mrs. Gailon took over. Apparently, she, Ruth, and the rest of the clowns made up the kitchen staff with Ruth and two of the clowns in the morning and afternoon, Ms. Gailon for the after-show night shift with two clowns, and both of them and two clowns for the evening shifts. I was replacing a clown.

That wasn't all though. Ruth also was in charge of the concession stand. She was fairly civil with me as she showed me how to work the machines and we served customers, but I could feel she was still upset with me. It was awkward. And she kept alluding to my tardiness at the beginning of each shift. I was sure by the end of the day everyone knew I had been late. News travels fast in the circus.

I was so relieved when I got to the night shift and it was just Mrs. Gailon and I. Chris, one of the clowns, had been excused early. Not many people had shown up, instead opting for an early bed. We stood there doing the last of the dishes.

"Ruth is our best cook," Mrs. Gailon explained, "I'm here more as an extra hand since I don't perform anymore. Though my cooking skills aren't as great. I am a decent baker, cake decorator, that sort thing." It made sense since she manned the face painting booth. She continued, "I'm actually really glad you're with Ruth though." I looked up at her unable to keep the shock out of my face.

Mrs. Gailon laughed. "I know Ruth can be pretty uptight, but she'll take care of you if you show you're serious. I'm hoping that you'll learn how to cook too if you don't know already." I didn't. My mom had begun to teach me, but I wasn't interested in cooking at the time and I hadn't thought to learn from Sarah. She wasted any talent she had on subpar vegan food. "Your mother was a great cook." Mrs. Gailon's voice became a little high pitched, "I think it's only right you learn some of her recipes and Ruth will be able to teach you."

I looked down at the dishes. It was such a simple statement but it brought back so many memories. Cathleen and I running into the cafeteria and grabbing our trays. My mom telling me to fetch her some spices from our private stock and me proudly presenting them to her. The smell of curry in the air through the camp after a long campaign. Me trying to feed a lioness cooked meat when I was 6 because Keith dared me to. Learning that Daniel couldn't handle spicy food. My dad helping my mom with dishes so she could turn in early. And so many more memories, the sharpest one was my parents tired but smiling faces as we ate together. It was too much. I couldn't look Mrs. Gailon in the eye when I muttered my response. She laughed at whatever joke I had made and we finished the dishes in a heartfelt silence.

 **A/N: April isn't over yet, so I say I made my deadline and with an extra long chapter too :).** **I re-upload the Chapter 6 because I realized I misspelled someone's name. I actually hadn't realized how it spelled until I looked it up one day. It's fixed now. Next update should be in May. Like I said I'm trying to this monthly. I'm ahead a few chapters but editing can take awhile. Thank you to everyone who checked in this month. Please if you're liking the story, consider following, favoriting or even better leaving a comment. See you all next month.**


	8. It's Complicated

**Chapter 8: It's Complicated**

It was after a few days of not making waves, showing up early to my shifts, talking with Dhiren, and waiting for Lisa to perk up when I found myself staring at my ribbon case. I had been wearing my yellow ribbon for good luck, but this morning I switched to blue. I needed a bit of bravery. I had woken up before anyone else in the RV as per usual and was all ready to set out, but this morning I sat back down on the bed. I had decided that I would wait for Cathleen before heading off to breakfast KP. I had wanted to talk to her since I got here, but I hardly saw her during the day.

I jiggled one leg in impatience as I waited. I needed to stay calm. I closed my eyes and there it was, the forest, the tiger, and that feeling. I was sure I dreamt of standing in that palace looking at Dhiren again last night. It was becoming a recurring dream. Maybe it was all the time I spent with the tiger or maybe…I didn't want to think about it.

Thankfully, Cathleen's alarm saved me from my thoughts. I looked up at her as she hit the snooze button. Cathleen looked so happy when she was sleeping like life was just peachy. Maybe it was because she was blonde, but she was always so bouncy and happy. Unlike me, she liked to look on the bright side of things. When I had moved, it had been so annoying to hear her think of positives about me staying in Oregon, but after our fight, I had reread the letters and realized how she was trying to cheer me up. I felt bad. Hell, I still felt bad.

On the third alarm, Cathleen moaned and crawled out of bed mumbling under her breath as she grabbed some clothes from her dresser. Cathleen had never been a morning person. She paused her dark grumbling when she saw I was awake. I tried for a small smile.

"Oh! You're still here," she said quickly.

"I figured I'd wait for you today and maybe we could walk to breakfast together," I replied, "We haven't gotten much of a chance to talk."

Opening the door to the bathroom, Cathleen said, "Well I don't know if now is the best time. I'm already running late and I don't want to make you late too."

"I still have some time," I said. I glanced at my phone. It was 5:30. Plenty of time.

She had closed the bathroom door and she called through it, "Okay." It didn't sound very enthusiastic, but at least she said yes?

A couple minutes later, there was a knock at the front door. I got up and answered it. It was Matt. He was looking at his watch. "Cathleen, I got tired of waiting. Seriously..." He trailed off once he looked up at me.

"Hello," I said. Somehow, I managed to keep most of the anger from my voice. After the incident, I was able to process Matt leaving me alone with Dhiren. I found that I was more pissed than I had originally thought. I had looked for Matt to give him a piece of my mind, but he had successfully avoided me for the last few days. A part of me realized that it was for the best I hadn't seen him till now. Mainly because another part of me just wanted to hit him into the next state and that wouldn't help my reputation here.

Not to say I was over it. One does not get over being left alone with a tiger so easily. There was just no excuse for Matt's behavior. No matter how well trained Dhiren was, Matt should have at least checked to see if I was alright with being with the tiger and observed me on my first day. But I had barely gotten an introduction and then he just left me. Dhiren and I could have gotten hurt. Hell, I could have died.

Many times, I wished that reporting him was an option. But as the days passed and Dhiren was as gentle as a kitten. I realized that no one would care about what the new girl had to say, especially against their star act. At the end of the day, people knowing Dhiren and Matt would assume that Matt was just hazing me for being new and any complaint I had would be either overlooked or looked down on. So, I had forced my mouth shut, distracted myself with chores and rationalized reasons to continue to do the first two things. Seeing Matt though made it impossible to forget what he did. The anger reared up again and I glared at him.

Matt barely looked at me. Instead of an apology or an acknowledgment of our last meeting, he said, "It's almost 6. You don't want to be late again." I balked at the insult. It was one time, but of course, Matt would bring it up. My being late was partly his fault anyway. He could have told me my schedule the night before, but no it seemed like Matt's main objective was to see as little of me as possible. Even if it meant leaving me alone with a fully-grown tiger.

All I said was, "I still got a half hour to go." I continued to block the door. Matt glanced at me and then behind me into the RV looking for Cathleen. He glanced quickly at me again, realizing that he would have to say something if he wanted me to move. He opened his mouth but I cut him off, "So, Matt," I said. I caught his attention but he said nothing. This was it. "Do all new people get to spend an hour alone with Dhiren or was I just special?" I tried to be nonchalant, not angry, but I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice.

"I told you before Ren isn't dangerous," Matt said in a bored voice. He managed to look in my general direction but not at me. "Surely you've figured that out by now."

Ugh! How could he be so casual about this! "You sound like a doting pet owner. Dhiren isn't one of your dogs, Matt," I retorted.

Matt glared at me looking me in the eye. At least, I got some satisfaction that he finally was forced to fully acknowledge me. He said, "If you can't even handle Dhiren, you'll never be a good trainer."

That might have hurt if I believed it. Instead, I said meaningfully, "Dhiren isn't the problem, Matt."

Matt scoffed, "Of course he isn't."

I glared back at him. I knew what he was getting at but it wasn't true. I had handled Dhiren just fine, Matt was the problem. I had no words. Just screw this guy!

I was saved from finding another comeback by Cathleen. She burst out of the bathroom, "Kelsey you should go. I'm gonna be awhile." Then she noticed where I was standing. "Why are you holding the door open? Is Matt there?"

"Cathleen you're late," Matt said as he rudely squeezed pass me, "Come on." He stumbled his way up to Cathleen who blushed and closed the door a bit. She was only wearing a towel. Matt noticing this blushed. Then they started babbling at each other. For goodness sake really, I was not in the mood for this. It would be just my luck that Cathleen wasn't just friends with Matt. It was never that easy.

I tried to calm myself down as I watched the two of them talk. Never have I been more disgusted. I nearly spat out the word, "Alright." They started. Apparently staring into each other's eyes for a couple of minutes was all it took for them to forget I was there. Now that they remembered, Cathleen inched further into the bathroom and Matt's cold expression was back. I continued, "I'll talk to you later, Cathleen." I said it to her and then I looked Matt in the eye. This wasn't over.

"Bye, Kelsey," Cathleen said nervously.

I waved and left. Walking to the cafeteria, I glanced at my phone. It was only 5:42. I still had plenty of time. I frowned in thought. Cathleen had known Matt was waiting for her. She probably had wanted to get rid of me for that reason. My frown deepened. Reconnecting with Cathleen was starting to seem impossible.

I was extra early to KP. Ruth eyed me as I walked in but said nothing. Daniel came in behind me. I forgot he was one of the clowns. I said hello as we sat down and ate breakfast before helping Ruth. She had me stirring the oatmeal and refilling cereals as she made pancakes and Daniel did dishes. It was a mindless task so my mind wandered back to Matt and to Cathleen.

I had no idea what to do. I had already apologized to Cathleen and I was trying to reconnect. Sure, we were starting on rough ground but we lived together. I had thought there would be plenty of time to patch things up. But if she was in love with Matt and Matt hated me and I hated Matt then things were gonna be complicated. Matt might think Dhiren was harmless, but to me, Matt had needlessly endangered me and his tiger. I couldn't just forgive him for that. He hadn't even asked for forgiveness. The whole thing just made me so angry.

Suddenly Ruth turned to me and cried out, "Kelsey! I can smell the oatmeal burning. You need to stir more." I stared down at the oatmeal. It was ominously dark around the edges. I started stirring more. She nodded and then glanced at the cereal dispensers, "and you need to refill the cereal, the fruit loops are empty." Ruth tsked. "Really now, Kelsey focus. I thought you were awake today otherwise I wouldn't have switched you with sleepy Daniel over there."

"Hey!" Daniel complained, "I'm not…" Daniel interrupted himself with a yawn.

Ruth glared at him while he struggled to keep his mouth shut. "But I'll take a sleepy Daniel over a sleepy newbie."

"I'm sorry," I began.

"I don't want your apologies. Are you tired or not?" she demanded.

"I'm not tired," I said truthfully, pouring the fruit loops into the dispenser.

"Good. Then act like it," she said turning back to the pancakes. If it wasn't one thing it was another. I finished the shift with a grumpy Ruth so I didn't bother her again, but like my first day in the kitchen, she stopped me from leaving.

"Kelsey," she said.

"I'm sorry," I said bracing for the lecture.

"I told you to take this seriously," she said.

"I know. I just," I said searching for the words. First being late and now the oatmeal, I was off to a great start with my cooking career.

She waved away my words. "Just because, you were early this morning doesn't mean you can daydream," she said. I grimaced. "I went easy on you the first day because I know it wasn't all your fault." She sure acted like it was my fault letting everyone know about it and all. "That was a mistake and now we're paying for it. Today though you will take responsibility. Come back here right after you're done with your animal work. Okay?"

"Alright," I said. I just lost my one measly hour of free time. I left the kitchen in a sour mood.

Trudging over to the animal enclosures I set an alarm on my phone. I didn't want to be late to my punishment. I saw that Matt had already taken the dogs so they were gone again. I went over to the shed and grabbed the supplies.

I intended to go over to Lisa first. I needed to blow off some steam. Training with her might help if she was up to it and I hadn't stopped by this morning to check on her. However, Dhiren batted at the enclosure fencing with his paw, obviously in an attempt to get my attention.

I looked at him. Dhiren, surprisingly, looked happy to see me. His tail was twitching with the sort of excitement that normally caused cats to ruin perfectly good door screens. I usually visited him first for sanitation duty. I didn't think he'd appreciate me changing the order today. "Alright," I sighed, "I'm coming." I grabbed the supplies and went into the enclosure. I walked past him to the poop and stabbed my shovel into the pile. Dhiren walked over to sit in front of me across from the poop. He cocked his head to the side in a gesture I thought looked like he was saying: What's up with you?

I sighed again. Dhiren sat looking at me and waited. "Dhiren," I began, "I lost my one hour of free time because my best friend would rather hang out with your trainer, instead of me. Which shows how close we really are." I jammed in my shovel extra hard.

Dhiren cocked his head to the other side. The whole thing seemed to go over his head which was to be expected. He was just a tiger. Still, he seemed to sense my tone and after a moment he let out a worried sound.

I tried to smile, "I'll be alright," I said in my comforting tone though I don't think I quite managed it.

Dhiren looked unconvinced. He flicked his ears and tucked in his tail in concern.

I had gotten the poor tiger agitated. It wasn't his fault that Matt was a jerkwad who was distracting me from work and seducing Cathleen. It was time to change the subject.

Over the last few days, I'd found that Dhiren seemed to be most attentive when I talked about India or stories about my past. Other topics I tried sometimes made him grow restless and show normal cat forms of boredom, but with those two he could sit for a whole hour without moving. I found that out on Sunday when I tried to explain why my mom didn't like the mangos in America. It was a… complicated subject.

I searched my head for a happy topic that would cheer me and Dhiren up. What came to mind wouldn't be my first pick, but I felt the urge to share it anyway. I said, "How about I tell you about how my parents first met." I thought I saw Dhiren's eyes light up. I smiled, but then I was reminded of Lisa. She liked this story. I felt a twinge of guilt for not seeing her first today since I missed seeing her this morning. I hope she wasn't getting too jealous of my new companionship with Dhiren. She was still my favorite cat after all.

Dhiren growled softly. There was no anger behind it. The tiger was just impatient for the story. I smiled again.

Then I began, "When my dad was in his junior year, he got invited to his college's sister campus in India to study Bengal tigers. During his trip he was dragged to the circus by a couple of friends. My dad hadn't been expecting to have a good time. He was afraid that the circus would be cruel to the animals. But then my mom came on stage and it was just the opposite. He said 'Your mother sparkled as she performed. She and the cats they were shining on that stage.' My dad was beyond impressed by the show. He was completely floored. He always wanted to work closely with animals since he was a kid, but he used to say that there was something different about animal training. It was more intimate than just being an overseer or even a vet. To be a good trainer you have to understand your animals and trust them. That night he saw the bond between my mom and her cats. He saw…"

I paused just as Dad used to as he said this part. "He saw love, Dhiren." I met the tiger's eyes. He held mine with such intensity that it took me a bit to remember the rest of the story. I continued, "Every time he caught sight of her eyes, he got the full expression of her feelings. By the end of the show, he knew that he wanted, no, needed to talk to the woman who did the show. He needed to know her and share in that look on her face. In short, my dad was in love." I smiled remembering how Dad emphasized the words. This story always brought him back to me.

Dhiren rumbled impatience again. I snapped out of it and said, "After the show, my dad went up to my mom, not a worry in the world about the possible language barrier or how forward he was being. His only concern was getting to know her better. So, he just went up and said 'My name's Joshua Hayes. I go by Josh. I really love your act. Would you please go out with me?' My mom smiled thinking him just another lovestruck boy and she said, 'Thank you but I'm only interested in circus performers.' My father undeterred replied, 'So am I.'" Then I winked the same way he used to, "Mom laughed then and that's when they both knew she was going to say yes. The rest is history."

I smiled. The story was such a Dad story. He never considered things, just went full in when he thought something was right. My mom was different, but she admired his drive and said I had it too. Sarah said that I did too, though she mostly brought it up as an insult. My parents, a familiar feeling tugged at my smile. I missed them.

Unlike when I was a kid, I could enjoy this story. I could remember them fondly, but it didn't take the feeling away. I focused on Dhiren. I thought he would have enjoyed the story, but the tiger looked restless.

For a moment, I wondered if he hadn't liked the story, but dismissed it. Even when bored, he didn't usually look so troubled. I decided that he must be upset because he guessed I was done talking for today. I still had a decent amount of time to tend to the animals, but I'd have to be quick with the dogs' enclosure if I wanted a suitable amount of time with Lisa. I had to say goodbye.

Dhiren looked more forlorn than usual when I said farewell. I tried not to let it bother me. Telling both him and myself that I would see the poor guy tomorrow. He didn't look pleased with the consolation, but it was all I could say. He just turned away. I frowned unsure how my story could have ruined his mood and left him be.

Lisa was still lounging around in her enclosure when I entered. I gave her a scratch behind the ear. She yawned and thankfully didn't seem to resent me for seeing Dhiren first. While she rested, I did my worked.

I stayed with her for a while after that talking with her and telling her a bit about my day. Since I was short on time and she was still tired, I let her skip training today and we sat in our comfortable silence. Talking to Dhiren had stopped me from being angry, but now that I was with Lisa and her calming presence, I was lucid enough to think.

I needed to stop thinking about how much I disliked Matt. I tried sincerely to face my problem. Matt might have been just trying to get to me, but he really seemed to believe Dhiren was harmless. And Dhiren had been very easy to handle so far. He seemed to have a mild temperament if a bit moody. Matt probably thought the newbie trainer was overreacting even if my concerns were completely reasonable...

I took a deep breath. I was getting off track. I tried a new line of reasoning. One that didn't require me to be so forgiving. Facts. As much as I hated to admit it, Matt was the one person I should be trying my hardest to befriend. Sure, I could antagonize him, but he was my boss, mentor and, not to mention, the star of the circus. So what if Matt was a jerk? He had a huge influence and could be an awesome ally. He knew a ton about animal training and could even help me with Cathleen if he wanted to. I needed to remember that and stop taking this all so personally. Maybe if I were to put on that phony newcomer smile and go back to playing nice, I could get Matt on my side.

I petted Lisa with extra speed. She purred happily. I might believe all that was true, but I didn't know if I could accept it. I didn't know if I could go back to playing nice with Matt when he was being so rude to me. But what else could I do? My time with Lisa ran out without me reaching a true answer.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said to her giving her fur one last rub. I got up and headed to the dog enclosures. I worked quickly. I continued to think, but no new answers came. For now, I would just have to do my best to bury the hatchet with Matt. I grimaced. Fat chance of that. To distract myself, I looked at my phone. I was right on time. I went to the kitchen.

My punishment for failing to cook the oatmeal correctly was apparently helping Ruth cook tomorrow's lunch. She asked me to help cut up vegetables.

"And for goodness sake, don't daydream while you're chopping the peppers." Tomorrow's theme was Mexican food. "You might chop a finger off."

I focused on the task at hand. Ruth berated me for cutting too slow and apparently, I hadn't done it right. The seeds got everywhere and the pieces were uneven. As she was complaining about this to me, I let her know I'd never chopped a pepper before.

"What?" she asked, "Well, surely you've chopped something before."

I shook my head.

"How much cooking have you've done Kelsey?"

"Not much," I replied. I never cooked with Sarah. The closest thing to chopping I'd ever done was slicing up an apple or orange for lunch

"So, you really don't know anything?" Ruth asked incredulously.

I nodded.

She frowned deeply. "We'll have to fix that. Right now you're the worse chef in the kitchen. And that'll have to change real quick Kelsey Hayes. You understand?"

I nodded.

Ruth took the knife from me and showed me how to chop a pepper. She taught me how to remove the core which was something I was always too lazy to do with apples and then she explained the spiciness of the seeds. My punishment turned into a real lesson. Ruth was more patient as a teacher than as a boss. I can't say my free time was wasted. When the actual lunch shift started though, I was put on dishes.

Later while we minded the food cart, Ruth said, "I don't mind teaching you how to cook. I've taught nearly everyone here. But I don't have a lot of time during normal shifts. Especially in the summer where we do two shows a day, 6 days a week."

"6 days?"

"We don't do shows on Wednesdays, don't you remember?" I did vaguely remember it. That was great news. Tomorrow was Wednesday. "We still have KP on Wednesdays, but there's no food cart duty and you are scheduled to have the dinner shift off. And, of course, I work all day every day. If you want to be useful and I hope you do, you should spend some time with me learning on those off shifts. It'll help you fit in better, for one thing, and Mrs. Gailon said you were interested, for two. So, how about you stay in the kitchen the afternoon and night food cart shifts?"

Ruth was watching me. Despite saying she was sure I'd wanted to learn, I could tell she was testing me. If I said no for whatever reason, I'd be on her list for a very long time, but I couldn't spend the whole day cooking. I had to train Lisa and prepare my act. I replied with, "Thank you for the offer." Ruth's mouth twitched into a small smile. "But do you think I could just do the night shift? I need more time with Lisa, my bobcat, to train."

Ruth's frown returned and I was afraid she would start yelling at me or something, but instead, she said, "You won't be performing for a long time. Learning to cook would serve you better."

This time I frowned. What the hell did that mean? I knew I had to fit my act to the show, but Lisa and I were pretty good I thought. "With all due respect," I began.

Ruth held up a hand, "I don't want to hear about your pride. I'm just telling it like it is, Kelsey. You can spend the afternoon shift as you like, but make sure you come to the night show shift."

"Right," I said still upset, "Thanks."

Ruth shrugged it off just like her son Bob might have.

The rest of my time with Ruth went by better than before. Since I was a cooking novice, my burning of the oatmeal seemed to have been forgiven. Later, I found myself washing dishes with Mrs. Gailon for the after-show night shift. Nick, one of the clowns was with us.

I had thought about Mrs. Gailon a lot during my afternoon with Ruth. Mrs. Gailon had been nothing but pleasant and civil to me since I've arrived. She was probably the best person to ask for help with Cathleen, her daughter. So, when Nick stepped out for a bathroom break I asked her, "Mrs. Gailon, do you know what Cathleen's schedule is? I wanted to talk to her, but I rarely see her."

Mrs. Gailon nearly dropped the plate she was holding. She glanced at me, "That's a rather nosy question, Kelsey."

"I…" That was not the response I was hoping for.

"I know you and Cathleen had a fight when you were kids. And I'm happy you're trying to rekindle that friendship with my daughter, but I won't help you spy on her. It will only cause drama," Mrs. Gailon said.

Really not the response I was hoping for. I tried to defend myself, but she interrupted me, "You mean well Kelsey, but if Cathleen wants to talk to you. I'm sure she'll let you know. You really hurt her back then you know." The look on Mrs. Gailon's face made me feel hot shame. I stared at the dishes. Mrs. Gailon worked quietly beside me and then Nick returned. I kept my head down wondering what on earth I could do next.

 **A/N: By the skin of my teeth yet again. Next month is gonna be something special. I can't wait for you guys to see it.**


	9. Closed Doors

**Chapter 9: Closed Doors**

The next day, I woke up shaking off my too familiar tiger dream and found that I had a new idea. I might have upset Mrs. Gailon with asking for Cathleen's schedule, but there was something else I could do that would be almost as good. I could get Matt's schedule. He and Cathleen were together a lot so if I knew his schedule, I'd know a lot about hers. And Mr. Maurizio was the best place to get that schedule. Better still, I could get Mr. Davis's schedule. I hadn't met with the man yet, but he was supposedly my other mentor. Surely, if Matt wasn't up to the task of showing me around, then his father could. And once I got Mr. Davis as a mentor and we could trust each other, I could get his help with Matt and Cathleen. It seemed like a perfect plan. Today was the perfect day to do it too since I had a bunch of free time. I now had not one, but eight hours to myself today, not including the usual animal sanitation. I smiled to myself as I tied my yellow ribbon on. Nothing says wanting knowledge like seeking a teacher.

In my excitement, I zipped through my morning duties. I didn't even pause to chat with Dhiren. He had gotten over his funk from yesterday and the poor guy was confused by my rush. He followed me around as I hurried through my work. "I can't talk today Dhiren. I have tons to do today. We'll talk more soon," I promised the grumpy cat as I dumped the last poop bag. With all the free time I had, I could talk to him later. For now, I moved on to Lisa.

When I entered Lisa's enclosure, I was surprised to be greeted by a fully awake Lisa. She had finally shaken off that look of fatigue she had been carrying around. "Lisa!" I cried out to her. I threw open the door and gave the bobcat a big hug. Lisa purred happily. I smiled.

"You're finally feeling better," I rubbed the bobcat down as she continued to purr. I felt my smile widen. I had been trying not to worry about her. Even with my training, I couldn't expect her to just adjust to circus life immediately, but it was such a relief to see her better and acting like her usual self. Plus, I had ideas for new tricks to try that I had been thinking about over the last few days. I couldn't wait to get started, but…the Cathleen and Matt situation had to be taken care of first.

I groaned. Lisa stiffen and looked up at me startled. I rubbed her head reassuringly. "It's not you," I said. "I got things I have to do today. But, we will train. Mark my words." I had to pull myself away from Lisa to finish my chores, but it needed to be done. I finished in record time, making me realize how much time I usually spent with Dhiren. I needed to keep that in mind in the future now that Lisa was better. I bid Lisa goodbye and headed straight for Mr. Maurizio's RV.

I knocked on the orange RV's door. The door swung open to reveal the ringmaster. Like on all off days, Mr. Maurizio let his mustache obey gravity and had dressed in civilian clothes. In a t-shirt and jeans, he actually looked pretty normal. The effect was ruined when he said "Mi patatina!" in his over-the-top accent. I'm honestly not sure if he even remembers how to talk normally. "I cannot believe I have not seen you in days. How are you?"

"I'm great, Mr. Maurizio," I said. I hadn't meant to, but my statement sounded as fake as Mr. Maurizio accent.

He frowned, "What's the matter, Kelsey? Let's walk to my office and talk about it." He stepped out of the RV, not giving me a chance to respond. Funnily enough, we just walked to the orange trailer beside the RV and he led me inside.

The trailer was indeed an office though. There was a desk with a cushioned chair behind it and a couple of chairs lay folded in a box next to some file cabinets. Everything was nailed down and neat. The office wasn't empty though. Mr. Odoso was sitting at the desk. He looked up.

"William, I need the desk for a bit," Mr. Maurizio said.

Mr. Odoso looked past Mr. Maurizio at me. And he grinned. "This oughta be good." He got up and left. Mr. Maurizio grabbed a folding chair and unfolded it in front of the desk and then sat in the cushioned chair where Mr. Odoso had been. He motioned for me to sit down. I sat.

"So, tell me, what is the matter?" he said. His giant face looked concerned.

I hesitated. I hadn't meant for this to happen. I just had wanted Matt's and Mr. Davis's schedules so I could know where people were. But now that Mr. Maurizio was staring at me with genuine concern I almost felt like telling him my actual problem. I took a deep breath.

"I'm having trouble connecting with my mentors. My schedule doesn't line up well with Matt's or Mr. Davis's schedule. I was just wondering if you knew where they were today now that everyone is off."

Mr. Maurizio seemed to ponder my words. He stroked his mustache and eyed me. But then he said, "Yes, I thought you might come asking me about that. Your schedule does have you spending a lot of time in the kitchen. Ruth, she is like your third mentor. She thought it would help you adjust and Mr. Davis, he liked the idea as well. He wanted you to get used to the circus before getting serious with your training with him and Matt. But, I understand your desire to learn. I will help you find Matt and his father."

Mr. Maurizio made his way to the large file cabinets on the side of the trailer. He pulled out two paper slips and handed them to me. "Here are the official schedules. It is Wednesday so these are no good today, but I know Mr. Davis will be in his RV. It is behind this trailer. But Kelsey I must warn you. Mr. Davis is, how you say, a moody man. If you want his best mood, you should talk with him during our usual show prep time."

I nodded.

"As for Matt," he continued, "he is probably practicing in the big top." He paused, "Cathleen should be there too." He winked at me.

I blushed and mumbled, "Thanks." Did everyone seem to know about my attempts to talk to Cathleen?

When Mr. Maurizio said back down, something changed. Suddenly the man looked serious. Even his twinkling eyes had dimmed. "Now that that is settled. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

Again, I hesitated. Without their twinkle, his eyes were dark and unreadable. It was unnerving. I felt sure he guessed something was up. Even Mr. Odoso had hinted as much. But what did he think I was going to say. Did he know about my first day alone with Dhiren? Or did he just think I was going to complain about Matt or Ruth? I couldn't be sure and I had already decided to not tattle about the Dhiren incident. Not yet anyway, so I just ended up saying, "You know how it is. I'm new, but everything is going okay."

Mr. Maurizio stared at me for a moment longer. Then he broke into his usual smile, "Ah yes, I remember when Gabriel join the circus. Oh, the tricks Nicolas and Christopher played. Clowns indeed. Christopher and Gabriel peck at each other sometimes, but it's all laugh now. You are too strong, mi patatina, to be new for long. Soon you'll be laughing too." He clapped me on the shoulder and got up. I felt like we had returned to reality.

"Yeah," I said trying to not sounds as uncertain as I felt, "Thanks Mr. Maurizio.". I folded the schedules and put them in my pocket. Then I got up and Mr. Maurizio led me out. "Thank you again, Mr. Maurizio," I said to him.

Mr. Maurizio got up sensing I was ready to go. He led me out. "Any time, Kelsey. I am the ringmaster first, but I am also an old friend of your parents. I am looking forward to seeing you shine on stage. Anything I can do to help. Let me know, mi patatina."

"Right," I said, "I'll talk to you later then."

"Arrivederci, Kelsey," he said. Mr. Maurizio went back to his RV. He left me feeling like I'd just seen the man for the first time. I had no idea why things got so serious for a moment, but I was glad it was over. I patted my pocket. The important thing was that the mission was a success.

It took me no time to decide what to do next. I headed to the big top and Cathleen…and Matt. I couldn't not use the information, right? I touched my ribbon for luck as I opened the flap to the big top entrance.

The dogs stood on stage in the middle of a pushing-a-ball trick as Matt looked on. I searched for Cathleen and found her sitting in the left corner. She had a perfect view of Matt's face.

I swallowed. I was here. Now, what was I going to say? I came here without a plan. This was not the way to rekindle a friendship. I was tempted to turn back and try to come up with an actual strategy to get Cathleen alone when Matt noticed me.

His expression seemed to sour in slow motion, making Cathleen turn and face me as well. I waved at her and she waved back, though not very enthusiastically. "Hi, um do mind if I watch for a bit?" I moved toward Cathleen as I said it. The question was for her since I already could guess Matt's answer.

"Uh…" Cathleen glanced at Matt. Because of course, all her decisions to talk to me went through this guy. Matt glared at her. "I don't think…" she began.

I sighed. Mrs. Gailon had warned me to be patient. Cathleen, I could try to be patient with. Matt was another issue and he was the one stepping on my nerves. The big top was huge and yet he couldn't handle me sitting in to watch. I keep underestimating how much this guy doesn't like me.

"Wednesday training sessions are kinda private," Cathleen said apologetically. "But," I said without thinking.

"I don't have time for this," Matt interjected, "Kelsey why don't you go train your own animal. Your bobcat finally started looking active this morning." He then turned away. I fumed, shooting a look at Cathleen.

She winced and I instantly regretted it, making me even angrier. Then I turned and pushed open the flap with one angry shove. I stormed off to Lisa's cage as the flap closed behind me.

When Lisa saw me, her ears were back and she tensed. She knew what I looked like when I was angry. "Wednesday training sessions are kinda private," I muttered. "Ugh!" I cried out. Lisa relocated to the back of the enclosure. "Wednesday is the only day I can go to those stupid training sessions and..." I stopped. I looked at my phone. It was just after 9 i.e. this was my personal development time i.e. free time.

I clenched my fist and took a deep breath. I was letting Matt get to me again. Everything was fine. I could talk to Cathleen and Matt tomorrow or any other day. And I had Mr. Davis to talk to as well. That was the important thing. That was my ace.

I called to Lisa in my calming voice. She came slowly. She always acted skittish when she saw that people were upset. I hated when she acted that way with me. But, I had been upset, no, not just upset, angry at Cathleen, at Matt and even myself. But that was over for now and when Lisa reached me, I felt calmer.

The next hour, I focused on Lisa. An hour wasn't really enough time to be doing the training I wanted to do and I would have nearly three whole hours to spend training her later today. So instead I took her out for an extended Oregon walk in the woods surrounding the site. Lisa happily explored the area with me. Despite the Cathleen situation, I couldn't help but smile. It was just so good to see Lisa act like herself again.

I headed off to afternoon KP in a decent mood. It improved as I chatted with Gab when the crowds were low. Ruth sniffed at us talking but said nothing. Gab was pretty funny. He was barely 5 feet tall, wide and not easy on the eyes, but talking with him always made it apparent why he was a clown. We joked a bit under Ruth stern eye and I had a fairly good time doing the dishes. When I was finished with KP, I felt mentally ready to see Mr. Davis.

I don't know how I missed the Davis' RV after being here for so long. True, it was behind Mr. Maurizio's bright orange RV and trailer. I paused that thought. That was probably the explanation right there.

Still, the Davis' RV wasn't exactly inconspicuous. It was decorated with faded elephants in all sorts of colors. This surprised me. I would have thought it would be decorated with Dhiren, tigers or at least dogs, but not elephants. I frowned. I never liked elephants much. They're like horses getting easily spooked, but much, much bigger. A frighten elephant is just plain dangerous. I always knew that and then… I shook my head and knocked on the door. Never mind the elephants, I wanted to talk about tigers.

A sour smell reached my nose when Mr. Davis opened the door. I tried to ignore it and focus on the man. I quickly realized I had met Mr. Davis before. He was the grumpy Ticketmaster that had almost stopped me from entering the show on my first day. He also looked eerily like Matt. Same lame greased haircut, same height, same face. He was wider and didn't have that meek beat down look that Matt had. But there was no denying the resemblance. I could almost see this man in the Lupin costume. I tried to stay positive.

I said, "Hello, I'm Kelsey."

"I know who you are." Mr. Davis replied. He had a gruff voice, another difference from Matt. "You're the Hayes girl." He eyed me. "What do you want?"

Unlike Matt, this man was very direct. I looked him in the eye and straighten. He did not back away. "I want you to mentor me."

"You already got my son," he said in a flippant tone that implied I was being greedy.

"Mr. Maurizio said I was supposed to learn from both of you," I persisted.

The man's eyes narrowed. "Do you have any idea what you're asking me, girl? No way I'm training any rival trainer and especially not you, Hayes. No matter what Mr. Maurizio says. You're lucky to even be here after what happened. Head back to the kitchen, girl and don't come back."

Then the man actually shut the door in my face. After my shock faded, my anger erupted. I kicked the door in rage. It was a bad move. The door was metal. I whined my scream of pain.

From inside Mr. Davis shouted, "Piss off, Hayes!" It took all my willpower to walk on my injured foot without shouting something back.

When Lisa saw me this time she just retreated to the back of the enclosure and refused to come to my call. Lisa would not come towards an angry person and I was way past angry. First, there was Matt who barely tolerated me and now his abrasive father. What the hell was that man's problem? I never did anything to him.

And what on earth did Cathleen see in this rude family? Cathleen, her mother, and even Mr. Maurizio. I just didn't get it. How was I supposed to work with these people? I raged through some stretches. The exercise helped but I really just felt like punching something. I let out a low "Ugh!"

Then I heard the left fence rattle and I saw Dhiren batting the cage. "What?" I demanded sharply.

Dhiren narrowed his eyes but continued to bat at the cage. I didn't have time for Dhiren right now. I needed to be training Lisa. I tried calling her again, but she hissed at me. "Oh come on," I said, but I couldn't keep the frustration out of my voice.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Having one mentor avoid me like the plague and the other slam doors in my face, not to mention my former best friend. I had just worked so hard to get back here. These days, I find myself wondering if my classmates were right to make fun of me. If Sarah really did have my best interest in mind when she discouraged me from coming.

When I had realized Cathleen was the last good friend I'd ever had, I had thought, no, I had hoped, that I once I came back I would fall back into the circus like I never left because it was my home. The only place I belonged. But…but… hot tears stung my eyes.

Dhiren cried out, but I stayed where I was. The tears made me angry. I didn't want to be crying on the first day I had some true free time. The first day since I arrived that Lisa was in good spirits. I looked up at my bobcat. She was closer now, stalking back and forth towards me. Dhiren was batting the cage more insistently. He wanted me to come to him, but it was Lisa who came in her slow cautious way.

"Lisa," I said between tears reaching out my hand. She licked it and nuzzled it. I smiled gratefully and rubbed away my tears with my free hand. Despite all the setbacks, I still had Lisa. She loved me.

I petted Lisa for a long time trying to work out my anger and frustration to return to facts. Matt and his dad must see me as competition. It was obvious now. They were petty people and that's all there was to it. I was done with the idea of getting along with Matt. Hell after how lukewarm Cathleen had been over the past few days, I half thought I should give up on her too. My free hand clenched at that idea. I couldn't accept that yet.

Still, it was time to start focusing on what mattered: Lisa. With that thought, I felt myself refocus. I grimaced a deadly smile. I would show them. I would recarve my place in this circus.

I pushed off the ground and asked Lisa, "You ready to make our best act ever?" Lisa just meowed at me, but it was enough. I knew what I was about. I wiped off the last traces of my tears. Lisa watched me. She was curious about why I had got up and stopped petting her. "Come on, girl. Let's get to work!"

The next couple of hours, I began testing Lisa to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything and was in good shape to start changing stuff up. I brought my hoops and crop. We went through our old routine and I forced my brain to focus on only this. Lisa seemed to sense my urgency. She didn't have any of her infrequent pouting sessions. She did as I asked when I asked. We were in sync.

When my phone rang for dinner, I shrugged it off and kept going. Neither Lisa nor I was tired or hungry. That's how focused we were. I started to ask for even older tricks from past routines to examine their potential for this new circus act. Things felt right when I was working with Lisa. Every misstep of the day was forgotten as we practiced and I felt like we could keep doing this forever.

Everything was perfect until my stomach became fed up with practicing and growled loudly. I stared down at it annoyed. Lisa stopped the hoop trick she was practicing and came over to mew at me. I sighed. Like clockwork, she was hungry too. It had been a long afternoon. The sun was low on the horizon now. It was definitely time for dinner for both of us.

Since Matt hadn't shown up to feed Lisa, I decided to feed her myself. As I fetched her food in a bucket and carried it over, I thought about additions to the routine. Some of the past tricks could be incorporated. Perhaps tomorrow I could start teaching Lisa some new tricks too.

As I came inside Lisa came towards me and circled me. She was excited for the food. She'd definitely earned it today. I smiled and I emptied out the bucket for Lisa. She happily started to gobble up the meat. I was actually happy. We had gotten to practice like old times today. It was just what I needed after dealing with Matt and his father.

I went back to the shed to use a clean wipe on my hands and then I pulled out my phone to check the time. My smile slipped from my face. I was supposed to meet Ruth almost 2 hours ago. "Lisa, I gotta go!"

Lisa, who was still eating, didn't acknowledge me as I slammed the shed door shut and rushed past her enclosure. I had to get to the kitchen fast. I ran for it.

 **A/N: Week 1**


	10. Tiger's Kitchen

**Chapter 10: Tiger's Kitchen**

When I showed up at the kitchen, I wheezed out, "I'm sorry. I'm late." I scanned the kitchen and realized that it was only Mrs. Gailon and Nick frowning at me. "Where's Ruth?" I asked.

"She's gone, Kelsey," Mrs. Gailon replied. "She finished early and stormed out."

"Yeah. She left like an hour ago," Nick confirmed.

"Oh…" I said in a deflated voice. I stumbled over to the dishes and began washing.

Mrs. Gailon wasn't done with me though. She added, "I hope you have a good explanation, young lady. I'm not happy with you either. I told Ruth you wanted lessons and now you've made me a liar. Really, Kelsey, you haven't even been here a week and you are already being unreliable. You should know better than this. It could mean real trouble, especially since we're still in your hometown."

"This circus is my home," I said cutting off whatever else she planned to say. I refused to let Sarah, Mrs. Gailon or anyone else make me believe I belonged in Oregon. It wasn't my home.

I heard Mrs. Gailon sigh and she asked me. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" At the change in her tone, I turned around to face her and the rest of the kitchen. Both Nick and Mrs. Gailon looked grave. Then it hit me. Ruth could have me fired before my first show, before I even left Oregon. All of that sense of purpose I'd felt with Lisa felt silly now. Why didn't I stop when my alarm went off for dinner? I had just endangered my position here. I could lose my home again just like that.

My throat was dry, but I rasped out, "I just forgot the time. I ran over here when I realized how late I was. I mean, how upset was Ruth? I messed up, but the lessons were optional right?" It wasn't much, but it was all I had.

"True," Mrs. Gailon said in a voice that said it really wasn't, "But those lessons were for your benefit and were a gift from your boss. You didn't tell anyone you weren't coming. It's poor showmanship, Kelsey, and Ruth will take it personally. Mark my words."

"She said she was going to cook your butt tomorrow and force you to eat it," Nick whispered to me as he filled the dessert fruit bowl. He looked dead serious. I gulped. I was seriously screwed.

The next day, I found out how screwed I was. I showed up extra early, but it didn't help. Ruth was sharper than a kitchen knife. "Kelsey Hayes," she said as I entered. I braced myself, but she said nothing else.

I began, "I'm really sorry. I-"

Ruth sliced through my explanation by saying, "I don't want to hear it today, Kelsey Hayes. Just shut it."

So, I did and we ate in silence. I found myself praying for someone else to show up and finally Chris did. I didn't like Chris all that much. His humor was a little too inappropriate for me, but he was better than nothing.

Even with Chris, KP was oddly quiet. I could feel my armpits sweating. Chris didn't even try to mess with me. The 2 hours went by slowly, but they passed. As soon as my phone read 8 am. I headed to the door.

"Hold it right there Kelsey Hayes," Ruth said still chopping some vegetables and not turning around. Chris grinned. He had been waiting for this I realized. But then Ruth said, "Get out of here, Chris. I need to have a word with Kelsey."

Chris frowned. "I just-"

"Out!" Ruth said. Chris reluctantly left. Ruth put down her knife. She turned and looked at me, "And you." I swallowed. Here it was. "I got some words for you. And you're not leaving till I'm done. Your animals can wait."

I wanted to object. I did, but her glare stopped me. "I'm tired of you acting like you belong here just cause your parents worked here. You think making up with your old girlfriend and entering the show is more important than your job, Kelsey Hayes? Well, you've got bigger problems. You can't cook, you can't show up on time, and you can't be trusted. You're lucky you're still here and it's time you start acting like it."

She continued, "You can forget what I said about the afternoons and the dinner shift. Wednesdays you're here with me all day so you can't be late more than once. I don't have time to deal with excuses, Kelsey Hayes. I need a worker who can work. Until I get that, your free time on Wednesdays and show days and any other days is mine. I'm not going to ask if you understand. Either show up or pack up. Now get the hell out of my kitchen!" Ruth whipped around and went back to her work. I was dismissed.

I stared at her. She couldn't be serious. My schedule had been hard enough and now no free time? Did that include personal development? Lisa was finally better. I was ready to start practicing in earnest. "I'm really sorry that I was late again, but you can't-" I began.

"I can and I have. You don't have time to be talking with me, Kelsey Hayes. Clean up that poop and be back here by 9 am," Ruth responded.

That meant no personal development time. "This isn't fair!" I argued, "Just because I missed one lesson that doesn't mean-"

Ruth whirled around, knife in hand. I took an involuntary step back. "I thought I said to get out of my kitchen." Her eyes had something dark in them as she held that knife. My whole body screamed danger as I left the kitchen.

Then I was out of the cafeteria. I felt myself breaking into a cold sweat. Ruth was scary. I always knew that, but knowing and seeing were two different things. As angry as she was, I wasn't just going to lie down and take it. Her idea of punishment was overkill. I couldn't not train. That's what I came here to do. She might not see it that way, but I had an idea of who might.

By the time I had reached Mr. Maurizio's RV, my hope had turned into desperation. I banged on his door. He swung it open. When he saw me, all of the jovialness evaporated out of him. "Ah," he said. "Kelsey, I was expecting you."

I sped through the words. "Ruth wants to take away all of my free time, including my personal development which is the only time that I get to practice."

"Ah yes, Ruth, she did tell me about that," he said.

"And?" I exclaimed.

"Well…you see, Ruth is-"

"Mr. Maurizio," I cut him off. I knew the man liked to appease both sides, but I didn't have time for BS, "Please don't tell me that you approved this new schedule. It's ridiculous. Just because I missed one optional lesson, doesn't mean I should lose all my time to practice. I didn't even come here to cook. I came here to perform. And I can't perform if I can't practice." My voice was rising involuntarily.

"Mi patatina, please calm down," Mr. Maurizio said. He stepped down in front of me and closed the door to his RV. "I understand you are angry, but Ruth, she is angry too. You've upset the cook and she has upset your stomach as they say." He gave a false laugh.

I glared at the man who had founded this circus with my parents. He was trying to get me to see reason, but I wasn't having it. He wasn't speaking reason. "You know this isn't right, Mr. Maurizio. So, are you going to help me, or not?"

Mr. Maurizio looked uncomfortable for a moment. He sighed and for the second time, since coming here I saw the twinkle in his eyes vanish, "Kelsey, it is not that simple. I am not the king of the circus. I cannot command Ruth to undo your punishment. I must speak with her and convince her it is too strict, but that will be hard work. She is very angry with you. She believes you are not taking circus life seriously."

"Me? Of course, I'm taking it seriously. That's why I'm so upset," I said.

"No, mi patatina, that is not what she means. The circus is a family. You must do your chores in every family, yes? We help each other here. I know you know this. Even as a child, you did your chores. You remember, yes?"

I did. I mostly went to school, but I would feed the cats, serve food sometimes or go grocery shopping. During shows, Cathleen, Keith and I would do the merch tent like Bob and Bradley did now. Everyone had to chip in in the circus. I had never minded before. But this was different, I thought. I couldn't perform as a kid but I was still able to practice a lot.

Mr. Maurizio took me away from my thoughts and continued, "Ruth, she is trying to help you and you…Well the thrill over preparing a new act, it is intoxicating. But it was not the time. Cooking is how you will join the circus again. Then I shall make sure that you are in the big top with the rest of the family." His eyes came alive again.

I frowned. I got what he was saying, but, "Ruth is absolutely furious. I don't think just cooking will help."

"Just cooking is the _only_ thing that will help. Ruth is fiery, yes, but if you work hard, I will too. She will come around if we try our best. I have seen it before." There was certainty in his eyes. "Will you trust me, Kelsey, and do as Ruth says in the meantime?"

I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but I couldn't. I had lost. "Alright," I said, "I'll do my best."

Mr. Maurizio gripped my shoulder, "That's it, mi patatina. You'll get through this. Just work hard!"

I just nodded and pretended to listen after that. It was over.

Soon, Mr. Maurizio went back into his RV. Then I took a deep breath and went to the enclosures.

Once I got there, I glanced at my phone. I had less than 45 minutes. I'd have to be quick again today and tomorrow and the next day and for every day in the foreseeable future. I stifled a groan. Work hard, he had said. Hard work is right.

 **A/N: Week 2**


	11. New Schedule

**Chapter 11: New Schedule**

After my talk with Mr. Maurizio, I tried to attack cooking the same way I did animal training: with absolute focus. Still, it wasn't that easy. Even when I watched my food like a hawk I still sucked at cooking, as Ruth was more than happy to remind me of. Cutting up vegetables and the like was ok when I didn't cut myself and I could read recipes just fine. But sometimes, I just remembered the instructions wrong or I mis-measured the ingredients or misunderstood some random cooking jargon or something else happened.

There were a lot of something elses.

Which meant I kept burning myself and the food along with undercooking things, over seasoning things, under-seasoning things and generally making inedibles. It drove Ruth crazy. She seemed to yell at me for even the tiniest mistake and she barked all sort of things at me like how useless I was and how ashamed my parents would be.

"If Madi were here, she'd be crying over what a failure you are," Ruth had said more than once.

Then there was Chris, who I swear only came to see me fail. He laughed at all my attempts and when he and Nick came it was double the mockery. Other people came and watched me too. On Wednesdays, when Ruth gave cooking lessons, there were an awful lot of new faces. I swear that Kevin, Bob, and Bradley showed up one day just to see what a disgrace I was. And all of the attention on my lack of cooking skills made all of Ruth's insults worse. I could feel people's eyes on me even when they didn't laugh. It was humiliating.

Sometimes I thought Ruth believed I was faking being bad. She'd say, "If a person was as good as cooking as you are bad. I would never have to lift a finger in this kitchen again. I don't know why I didn't get that miracle instead of you."

And things like "How do you even make mistakes like this, Kelsey! Do you have hot dogs for brains?"

I wish I was faking, but I was doing my best. My best was just really, really bad. I tried to defend myself a few times, but life would just get worse. Ruth would get meaner and harsher. She'd start saying how lucky I was to be at the circus and how I would do best to not be uppity with her. It would end in a breakdown of why my current cooking sucked.

It was horrible. Even the nights were bad. Mrs. Gailon and I had lost whatever good thing we had. She was upset with me about this and the Cathleen thing I think, but I wasn't in a hurry to make up. Cathleen, Matt, and Mr. Davis had cured me of that desire.

Now, I tried to keep my head down and mouth shut with varying degrees of success while I attempted to learn. I hoped that maybe I might be improving slowly, but it soon became clear I would not receive Mr. Maurizio's intervention anytime soon.

Once I realized how long I would be stuck in this new schedule, I did my best to squeeze some time out for me and Lisa to practice. At first, I tried to see how quickly I could finish sanitation duty. I limited my talks with Dhiren and rushed through it as fast as I could without leaving anything behind. But all that swift work got me less than a half hour with Lisa each day.

As much as I was itching to do some new tricks, I was forced to focus on going through old routines and making sure Lisa was in good shape. It wasn't good enough and I knew it. But I wasn't sure what else I could do with me struggling in the kitchen every day. I was just so tired. I didn't have the energy to think.

Every sanitation duty, Dhiren reminded me what a poor job I was doing with keeping the balance. I could tell he was not pleased with my new behavior. Each day he seemed to hope that I would stay longer and was more and more upset when I left early. He kept making whining sounds, following me around and pawing the cage walls when I left. I felt guilty. I was sucking on so many levels as I just tried to get by.

I tried to comfort Dhiren. I couldn't pet him like Lisa. He was still a tiger after all and I didn't want to push it. Dhiren usually became distressed when I was upset, so I put on my brave face for him. I put on an act of serenity as I worked quickly and I used my most soothing voice when I could talk. I didn't talk as much as either of us would like though since it slowed my work down.

I had hoped this new method was working okay. Several days past this way, but then one sanitation duty, Dhiren didn't move to his usual spot to watch me work. Instead, the tiger stood blocking the door.

"Dhiren," I cried out in alarm. He was guarding the only exit.

Dhiren slammed his butt down into a sitting position. I stared at the tiger. His eyes were resolute. Not good.

I fought to keep the panic out of my features. It was Dhiren, just Dhiren. We'd been together for weeks without any problems. He was a sweetheart. The poor guy was just acting up like any cat would. If I just stayed positive and calm, it would be fine. I put on a smile and said in an overly cheerful voice. "Dhiren, come away from the door and sit near me". I gestured for him to join me.

Dhiren turned his head and ignored the summons.

I frowned, but I wasn't going to give in to panic yet. I decided it was best to ignore the tiger and get back to work. I hoped my lack of interest would ruin his tantrum, but when I filled the bags, I found him still there watching me.

"Dhiren," I said, "I need to go."

The tiger blew out his nostrils and laid down to show me he wasn't going anywhere.

"Look, I'm sorry I've been so busy and I haven't talked to you as much. But I really do have to go. I have a job to do. So, could you move for me, big guy?"

Dhiren did not move.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I needed Matt. Honestly, any trainer would do. Just someone to help me distract Dhiren. A mentor would be even better because my panic had returned in full force. I'd never dealt with such a large unhappy animal alone like this and I was even more trapped than I was on the first day.

I also felt my guilt about not spending time with the tiger resurface. Dhiren couldn't understand why I wasn't spending time with him. He didn't understand the situation in the kitchen. He was just a tiger and a lonely one at that. Despite being the star of the show and having two trainers to look after him, the big guy was unhappy. He was missing me.

I took a deep breath and I cautiously made my way toward him without the bags. "Hey, Dhiren," I said changing my tone to something mildly cheerful.

Dhiren lost some of his defiantness so he could pay better attention to me.

"I know you've been wanting to spend time with me. And it's not your fault that I'm stuck in the kitchen all day now. This is usually our time, but I've been trying to look after Lisa and this is the only free time I have."

Dhiren actually looked over at Lisa. It surprised me that he knew who she was, but maybe it shouldn't have. I had mentioned her to him a few times and they were neighbors.

"Yes," I said louder, "Lisa." The bobcat perked up at her name and came over to the fence between the enclosures. She looked at me expectantly, but I waved her off and continued talking with Dhiren. "Lisa and I go way back you see. She's the reason I'm even here. I don't know if you've watched us practicing, but I'm hoping to get into the show with her… and you. So, I'm really sorry I've been gone so much, but, that's how it is right now." I ended lamely. The words felt so small and weak. I was pathetic.

Dhiren huffed at me and then thankfully he moved aside for me. I smiled at him, but I felt guilty as I grabbed the poop bags and headed out of the enclosure.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Okay?" I promised.

Dhiren's sad eyes followed me, but he did nothing.

The next day, I was afraid Dhiren would be back to being moody despite the easy out he'd given me the day before. But the tiger didn't trap me again and he wasn't whining either. Instead of being clingy, he was actually aloof. He still watched me, but he wasn't up in my face anymore. It was a bit of a relief.

I still felt as though I had let him down and for what? A measly 23 minutes of training? And in the mornings when I woke up from seeing him in my dreams, I felt even worse. Things needed to change.

 **A/N: Week 3**


	12. Birthday Party

**Chapter 12: Birthday Party**

It was really quite amazing how time passed so slowly when you were in the kitchen. I felt like I'd been here for months, but I had barely been here for a couple of weeks. I was about to finish my first campaign at the circus since coming here which meant we'd be moving soon.

Sunday was our last show in town and it came like any other day. I was frying bacon on the stove top. I hate cooking on the stove in general, but frying stuff was especially bad. The oil always seemed to attack me. Today was no different. Except maybe there was more oil than usual. A glob of it got me in the arm and I went to the sink really quickly to wash it. But in those precious seconds, the stupid bacon began to burn and the whole kitchen could smell it.

"Kelsey Hayes!" Ruth exclaimed, "The bacon is burning. Get back to your position."

I hurried back but Ruth was already there flipping the bacon. "A girl who can't cook bacon, can't cook breakfast!" She shouted in my ear. Chris, who was serving food, snickered.

"I'm sorry, Ruth," I said quickly, hoping that she wasn't going to give me a long lecture on the importance of bacon again.

"Like hell, you are," snapped Ruth. "Go fix some more eggs. We're running low. Remember, today we're doing scrambled." I could feel Chris laughing at me.

I nodded and went to cook eggs. I was fairly good at eggs. They cooked fast and people liked to season their own eggs. But I had fixed the wrong style once, scrambled instead of an omelet and Ruth had never let me forget it.

The rest of breakfast went okay. After that, I went about my normal routine almost on autopilot. I tried to be more excited to see Lisa, but it was such a short time that it was depressing in a way and I was so tired from trying to focus on cooking so much. And no matter what I did, I always seemed to make some mistake that Ruth would hang over my head.

Later, during the afternoon show intermission, some customer started to complain that I hadn't given their kid enough cotton candy. Honesty, I hardly remember making the stick, but I really doubt I had gotten it wrong. My cooking wasn't great, but even I could spin cotton candy.

It didn't stop Ruth from forcing me to apologize and chastising me again. Needless to say, today was not a good day. And then as Ruth and I were packing up after the show, I heard a familiar voice.

"Kelsey! There you are!" someone cried out. I turned with a feeling of dread. Suddenly, I was enveloped in Sarah's arms. I stifled a groan. Sarah released me but kept her hands on my shoulders to look me up and down. As if I could have changed that much in the last couple of weeks. But Sarah's eyebrows came together. "You look awfully tired for a birthday girl."

I stared at her bleary-eyed. With all the drama in the kitchen, I was too busy to make a fuss about my birthday. No one at the circus seemed to remember, not even Cathleen. That didn't bother me too much, though. What did bother me was Sarah calling me on Friday to say the family wanted to take me out to dinner. I had to refuse and was forced to explain why. That had turned into a painful discussion about how I worked all my meals so, no, I could not go out and no, she shouldn't come with cupcakes, ice cream and presents either. I did not think Ruth would approve and I honestly didn't want to see Sarah either. I was doing my best to start my new life. I did not want her butting in and critiquing every little thing I was doing like I couldn't make my own decisions. Despite Sarah's protests, I had eventually gotten her to hang up and had foolishly thought that had been the end of it.

Apparently, it wasn't, because standing in front of me was a triumphant Sarah, an amused Mike, and an apologetic Mr. Maurizio. Sammy and Rebecca were there too. Rebecca's face was painted and Sammy had tiger paws. They both were playing with Dhiren plushies.

Mr. Maurizio began speaking, "Ruth, you remember Sarah, Joshua's Sister," he paused, "I have a favor to ask you."

"No way Maurizio. I'm not letting her go just cause her family's here. Kelsey has responsibilities," Ruth said stubbornly as she came right up to him and stared him down despite being the shorter of the two.

"She is the birthday girl. Come now, Ruth," he said.

Ruth continued to glare up at him. Mr. Maurizio looked uncomfortable, but he met her gaze. "This is not a big request. It is one night. What harm could it do? And you have Bobby. Surely you understand," he said.

"If it was Bobby, I'd say the same thing," Ruth said, narrowing her eyes. Just like that, Bobby's personality made so much more sense. "Besides, Kelsey isn't their kid. It's hardly the same thing."

Sarah inhaled, but Mike spoke first, "My wife and I took Kelsey in and raised her. Of course, she's our kid."

"How dare you?" was all Sarah could manage. She was a new shade of white.

Mr. Maurizio glanced at Ruth and me and then Sarah and Mike. "Ruth, you've already asked for so much of Kelsey's time. This is a small thing."

"I won't allow it," Ruth began fiercely.

Then Mr. Maurizio leaned in and whispered in Ruth's ear. I only caught a couple of words: 'Joshua's sister', 'lawsuit', 'birthday', and 'working conditions'. When Mr. Maurizio stood up straight, Ruth stubbornness had shifted into a grimace. She turned to me. "Fine!" she snapped. "You're off the rest of the day." Each word seemed like it needed to be forcibly yanked from her mouth. "But I expect you to show up tomorrow, you hear?"

Mr. Maurizio smiled. "Good! I am glad that is all settled. Have a Happy Birthday, mi patatina. I am needed elsewhere." The great man wandered off.

Sarah gave me a hug. "Come on, Kelsey," she said. Then, she grabbed my hand. And Mike went to grab the kids. I glanced over my shoulder to the circus and dark expression on Ruth's face. I knew Ruth would not forget this and I worried about what the punishment might be.

Still, I was out and being treated to a meal I didn't have to make. And I got to pick the restaurant that we were going to eat at, so I should make the best of it.

After a few minutes of deliberation in the car, I decided on one of my favorite restaurants in town, a bar called Hershel's. Hershel's had great American food, greasy but not too greasy. It was also one of Sarah's least favorite restaurants. The only vegan option was a wilted house salad. And even then, she still had to ask for no bacon, egg, cheese or thousand island dressing.

The drive was short. Soon, we were seated and had menus. Sammy scrawled on his kid's menu and Rebecca colored hers. I debated over getting a burger or just doing a steak and fries. It was hard to concentrate, though, because Sarah and Mike were watching me.

I looked up. In the car, they had let me be. I'd talked a bit with the kids but after choosing my restaurant I'd stayed mostly quiet. Now though I could tell they wanted answers. Sarah began innocently, "What are you thinking about ordering?"

I shrugged. "Haven't decided." It was a lie. I was definitely getting the steak.

Then Mike tried to make it normal by asking Sammy and Rebecca. I wasn't fooled. The waiter showed up and we ordered drinks.

Sarah tried again, "I'm surprised you wanted to come here of all places."

"I like the food here," I hedged.

"I know," Sarah said. I usually picked this place for our biweekly outings when I was mad at her for something. "Kelsey," she said leaning forward, "despite what you think, I know a bit about circus politics."

I glanced up from the menu, but I said nothing. I wanted to see how far this would go.

She continued, "And I know I might have caused some trouble, but," here it was. "I had to go with my gut. You sounded horrible on the phone and I know for a fact Joshua used to take Wednesdays off. Mr. Maurizio confirmed it. He said it's a temporary set up, but I know you must be in some kind of trouble."

"I can handle it," I said automatically.

Sarah shook her head, "You don't understand how much I worry about you here. That's why we decided to come and visit you before you left."

Mike added, "The rest of us missed you too. Right guys?"

Rebecca looked up and nodded. She had to elbow Sammy and all he did was say ow.

Mike glanced at them and shrugged at me. "You know what I mean."

"Anyway," Sarah said shooting Mike a look, "I wanted you to know we talked to Mr. Maurizio and reminded him about all the good things your parents did for the circus. And he promised us that he would make sure that Ruth woman doesn't retaliate for tonight. I don't want you to worry."

"That's good," I said. I was surprised they had thought to do such a thing. Though it might not work, the thought was nice.

Mike winked at me. And then when our fry basket arrived, he changed the subject to the circus show. This caught the attention of the kids and they chimed in. They said the chant and talked at length about Dhiren.

Mike said, "It's true. The rest of the performances were very good, but that tiger stole the show. That jump was just amazing." I smiled remembering. Then Mike said, "You're training under Lupin, then?"

I was totally caught off guard. Matt was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but if they suspected that was the case Sarah might push. So, I nodded and did my best to keep a poker face.

"What's wrong?" Sarah asked, "Is this Lupin guy giving you trouble too?"

Poker face failure…

"No," I lied, "Lupin is great." It almost sounded genuine. Lupin was great. It was Matt that I didn't like.

"He seemed like a really angry fellow," Sarah added, fishing for what I was hiding.

"It was just an act," I said, waving her off.

Sarah made a sound, prompting Mike to jump back in, "So what do you do besides work in the kitchens? Do you get to learn all of this guy's secrets?" It was a half joke, but only half.

"Ah well, you know. I look after the animals and work on my own act," I said noncommittedly.

"Do you get to see Dhiren?" Sammy asked, looking up at me.

"Every day," I said honestly, "He's quite a character." I told the story of Dhiren moving the poop bags on his own but was forced to say Matt had been around. Sarah said nothing, but she never took her eyes off me.

Rebecca's eyes grew wide. "He's like a unicorn!"

Sammy laughed, "No he's not!"

"Yeah, he is," Rebecca said back, "He's white and he's magic." Rebecca stuck out her tongue like that settled it.

I laughed. I missed these kids. "Dhiren's not magic," I said, "He's just really smart, like Lisa,"

"We didn't see Lisa!" Sammy said in surprise.

"How is Lisa?" Sarah asked.

"She's fine," I said.

Then Sarah asked, "She doesn't mind the enclosure?"

"I said she was fine," I repeated a little defensively. "I've practiced with her a lot."

Sarah opened her mouth for another question but luckily the food arrived and for a while, I was spared.

Then Mike asked, "So how long do you think it'll be before you join the show?"

"I don't know, maybe a couple months? It depends on how fast Lisa can learn a new routine and whether they think it's good enough."

Sarah made a noise. We looked at her. "Your current show is more technically impressive than that tiger," she said with a huff.

"But-" Mike and I said at the same time.

"I've seen a fair number of big cat acts. Dhiren was a spectacle, but he didn't do much, not like Lisa," Sarah said.

I stared at her. Did she just praise me and Lisa? That was a rare occurrence. For some reason, I swelled with pride, before I felt the need to correct her, "Dhiren might not have a complex routine like Lisa, but his ability to be around people is incredibly impressive and he really wows the crowd. I got a lot to live up to."

Sarah shrugged and stabbed at her salad. She had a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Sarah screamed the first time Dhiren appeared and was the first to call for Lupin every time," Mike said conspiratorially to me.

Sarah blushed even harder. "He was a really large tiger. I was just thinking of everyone's safety," she muttered.

I smiled. Even though I knew she wasn't wrong. It was such a Sarah thing to say. She wasn't an animal person. She never understood the appeal of big cats. We continued to eat and Mike teased Sarah, mostly for my amusement I think.

We finished dinner and for a second, I thought Sarah would actually let us order dessert. I wanted an apple pie with homemade ice cream, but Sarah had preordered a cake. It was better than nothing, but it was such a typical Sarah move to assume she knew what I wanted. I hoped I would enjoy it anyway.

Then Sarah hit me with one of the hardest questions of the night just as I was swallowing my first bite, "How are you and Cathleen getting along, now that you're back?"

I nearly choked. Mike smacked me on the back a couple of times.

"That bad huh?" she concluded.

"No, no" I wheezed, "You just surprised me. Cathleen and I are just fine." I bared my teeth into an approximation of a smile.

"That's good," Mike said giving Sarah a look that said drop it.

We finished the cake which wasn't my favorite, but it was acceptable. Then I got my presents. Sammy and Rebecca gave me pictures of themselves in hand-made frames. They were adorably messy and childlike. I smiled and hugged them both.

Sarah gave me a wind-up kitchen timer. I stared at it as she said, "I thought that with all this cooking you're doing now, you'd need one. I can't tell you how many times Joshua burned dinner because he was too busy reading. And I doubt you're any better. Just try to remember to set it."

It felt like an insult, but I thanked her anyway and turned to Mike.

"Well my gift is kind of lame, but you won't have to worry about your phone bill," he said, "I'll pay it this year."

"You don't have to do that, Mike," I said.

He shrugged. "It was the best gift I could think of. And an important one, I want you to have the ability to call us and surf the web to look at kittens. Happy Birthday, Kelsey." He smiled and I smiled back.

With the pictures and timer in hand, I was driven back to the circus. Then we got out of the car and I hugged each person. Sammy's and Rebecca's hugs were tighter than usual. And then Sarah came in for the big one and Mike gave me a squeeze as well. Then there was a group hug. Finally, Mike and the kids loaded back into the car. Sarah stayed outside with me.

She said, "Kelsey, I need to give you some advice."

I sagged. I knew exactly what was coming. It was silly to think I'd be able to get through the whole night without hearing it.

As always, she began with an anecdote. "Remember that week of the talent show, you were swarmed with homework, tests, that big history project and building your dog walking business, but you insisted everything was fine. That was horrible."

"Hey," I said defensively. "Everything was fine. I did okay on those tests. I got a B on the project even though you thought I wasn't working on it."

"Yes," Sarah said, "but you nearly slept through your act."

"Lisa woke me up," I protested.

"No, the trumpet player scared her and she freaked out," Sarah corrected me, "I remember you telling me."

"I told you she woke me up," I said.

Sarah shook her head, "Anyway that's not the point. The point is you were off your game that show. You practically forced Lisa on stage even though she was frightened and hissing. It took you forever to get her to calm down. Everyone started laughing and you were forced to do some basic dog tricks instead of her real routine. You cried all night."

I _had_ cried all night. I had been excited to show off Lisa's new act. The talent show was the biggest stage Lisa and I had been on yet. But instead of being praised, people made fun of me the next week more than usual. I vowed never to have a bad show again. "That was a long time ago," I said, "I'm not 12 anymore."

"But you still overwork yourself all the time. And this circus is encouraging it. You're exhausted, Kelsey, but you won't admit it. I'm afraid you're going to get yourself hurt." Sarah's eyes pleaded with me.

"Sarah, I'm fine," I said. She sighed and shook her head.

"Of course, you are. You're just as stubborn as Joshua. I don't know why I even try sometimes."

"Don't talk about dad like that. He was a great man," I said.

"Kelsey," Sarah said, but then she stopped, "I don't want this to become an argument."

"Sarah," I began again.

Sarah held up a hand. "I know you say you're fine. I heard you the first time. I just don't believe you. You sound tired. Your hands are covered in cuts, scars, and blisters. You have dark circles forming on your eyes. That Ruth woman hates you. You don't like Lupin and you haven't made up with Cathleen," she said, "That doesn't sound fine to me, Kelsey. I don't why you insist it is."

I stiffened. I hated how she could extract so much from this awkward night. I glanced down at my hands and saw she was right. All that time being a klutz in the kitchen had done a number on my palms, but they looked worse than they were. She always saw things worse than they were. Didn't she? All I said was, "I didn't say any of that."

"No, you didn't. You never do. So, let me say something. Once you leave, I won't be able to check up on you in person anymore, but I'll worry every day about you. My brother died working for this circus and you're acting just like him. If you work until you drop, something bad might happen to you, Kelsey. It's dangerous here and one day I hope you'll see that. When you do, I'll be there to take you home."

I'd heard this speech before. I hardened. She didn't know what she was talking about. It wasn't the circus that killed my mom and dad, but Sarah never seemed to understand that. "This place is my home. Thank you for dinner, but I should get back to work." I turned.

"Don't be like that Kelsey. I love you. I just want to know you're safe and that you'll take care of yourself." she said.

I looked back at her, "I'm—" I paused and said, "Goodnight Sarah. I'll be okay. Really." I turned away again.

Sarah hugged me fiercely from behind. "I love you," she repeated, "Happy Birthday, Kelsey." After that, she got into the car and it was a relief to see her drive off.

I turned back to the circus once again. It was still bright outside. I looked at my phone and found out that it was just before 6. I still had a good 3 hours of sunlight left.

I went to Lisa's enclosure. There, I was able to shrug off any hold that Sarah's words had on me and remember why I was here. Lisa and I were together and free to train. We worked until the sky was black enough to count the stars.

 **A/N: Week 4.** **A lot of you probably already guessed what I was doing. But today, June 24th is Kelsey's Birthday. Happy Birthday, Kelsey Hayes!**

 **I knew I had a birthday chapter. And I thought it would be cool to have it be on Kelsey's actual birthday. I also thought that the extra uploads would be a good way to celebrate you guys, Kelsey and my fic's anniversary which was last month. I cannot believe I have been writing this for over a year. I never thought I'd get so attached to Kelsey, but she's become a part of my life. I really can't wait to see how my journey with her ends.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has supported this story thus far. This is a story I have wanted to tell for a long time, but I wasn't sure anyone would want to hear it. I can't express the happiness I get when I see that others are reading this story. This year has been a rollercoaster of change for me but publishing a chapter each month has been a special joy for me. Any time I gain a new fan or see a new comment, my heart and my passion for this project and fanfiction in general grows. This is my gift back to you. I really hope you guys enjoyed the extra content.**

 **Weekly uploads were hard on me and my beta reader, march4fun. But I won't be steven bombing you. I'll be going back to our regularly scheduled monthly uploads immediately. So, expect Chapter 13 next month. Thanks again, guys!**


	13. Twice

**Chapter 13: Twice**

When I woke up the next morning, I felt good for the first time in a long time. That feeling was quickly dampened as I entered the kitchen. Ruth had prepared an elaborate breakfast menu of some egg dish I couldn't pronounce and several sides to go with it. I expected her to immediately bark some insult at me, but Ruth only eyed me and told me to serve out the fruit. I rushed to obey even though I hadn't eaten yet. She had that dark look again and I wasn't in the mood for a fight.

Then Nick showed up and Ruth began talking to him. Talking wasn't the word. Complaining is more like it, "Can you believe other people, Nick? They visit the circus a couple of times and think they know everything. As if that Sarah woman has any inkling of how life is here. How dare she imply that I don't treat my employees correctly?" I felt myself freeze waiting for her to turn on me, but instead, Ruth whirled on Nick, "Are you unhappy, Nick?"

Nick who had been nodding, suddenly realized he was expected to respond. His eyes widened. "Uh… no!" he blurted out, "Of course not."

Ruth nodded at that, but she clearly wasn't listening. She just kept on talking as she cooked. I did my best to stay out of her way. Her reprimands were sharp and quick when they came, but they never lasted long. Ruth was just too busy complaining about Sarah to pay much attention to me. She didn't yell at me directly about the Sarah stuff either. I suspected this was the protection Sarah had promised and it actually felt okay. I did get the occasional death glare, but I'd take that over another bacon lecture any day.

The other workers though were not so content. Ruth talked to them relentlessly and often asked loaded questions. Nick especially had a hard time. The clown was shy of Ruth. The rest of the staff weren't in much better shape.

Ruth continued to hound people, shift after shift and she showed no signs of burning out. I could feel the clowns' mood drop after each meal. By Tuesday night, even the cheery Mrs. Gailon was tired of it.

"Ruth, you need to stop," she finally said. "You shouldn't let Josh's sister bother you so much. Gab and I looked up at the two women in surprise. Ruth was at the stove cooking stir-fry and Mrs. Gailon turned away from the cafeteria to face her. Mrs. Gailon had played the comforting friend to Ruth thus far, but now her tone was chiding.

"Viola, she didn't even recognize me," Ruth complained bitterly, "I can't just ignore that."

Mrs. Gailon nodded. Ruth had said it before. "But what does it matter? She's not important."

Ruth growled, "She was important enough to make your brother scramble after her."

Mrs. Gailon frowned, "You know why he had to."

Ruth's nostrils flared and she turned up the heat on the stir-fry. Mrs. Gailon went up next to her. She whispered to Ruth. The huge black woman's shoulders shook a bit and I wondered if she was crying. I glanced at Gab who shrugged again and put a finger to his lips. In our silence, an idea began to form in my mind.

The late-night shift came and then it was just Nick, Mrs. Gailon and me. I watched the woman cautiously. The last time I had asked Mrs. Gailon for help, it had not gone well. And we hadn't talked that much since I'd missed that cooking lesson. Sure, we exchanged pleasantries but that was it. Still, it was easier to deal with her than Ruth. Maybe she could help Ruth to be less angry and go back to being the teacher she was during the first week. As I tried to think of the right words to get Mrs. Gailon on my side, she and Nick chatted.

"I talked with Ruth," Mrs. Gailon was saying.

"Oh good," he said. "I mean…" He grew nervous, but Mrs. Gailon laughed him off.

"I understand dear. Ruth has been my best friend for a long time. I know how she can be."

Nick smiled shyly. I watched the exchange with envy. I had just assumed Mrs. Gailon was afraid of Ruth like everyone else, but she obviously knew what she was doing. Yet she hadn't raised a finger to help me. Was it because I was new?

After the shift was over, I waited for Mrs. Gailon outside. She usually stayed a bit late to make sure everything was in order for Ruth the next day. It was quite a while before she came out. I wondered if she always stayed this late.

Finally, she pushed open the door. Seeing me, she nearly jumped. "Mercy! Kelsey, what are you doing out here this late?"

"I wanted to talk to you," I said.

Mrs. Gailon eyed me suspiciously, "I think I know what you're thinking and the answer is no."

"But!" I hadn't even said anything yet.

"I already stuck my head out for you twice when it comes to Ruth," she replied.

"Twice?" I repeated but Mrs. Gailon was already walking away. For someone so short she moved fast.

"What do you mean twice?" I said catching up with her.

"Once for the lessons and once to stop Ruth from firing you," Mrs. Gailon said. The second one was not easy."

I gaped at her. Ruth had said I was lucky to not be fired, but I had thought she was bluffing. She would have fired me just like that? Did the woman really hate me that much? "But-"

"No more buts, Kelsey. I can't convince Ruth that you're taking cooking seriously unless you are," she said. She finally stopped walking. We were outside the RV.

"I am taking cooking seriously," I said. How could I not when it was basically all I did?

Mrs. Gailon frowned at me, "Don't lie, Kelsey. I know you can do better than this and so does Ruth. That's why she's giving you such a hard time. You have to do better, Kelsey, if you want a place here. And the only person who can help you with that is yourself."

Another lecture. Everyone seemed to lecture me. As if the results had anything to do with how hard I was working. I couldn't help if I was a slow learner, could I? It wasn't like I wanted to suck. And despite what she said, didn't my teacher hold some of the blame? How was I supposed to learn from an angry bull? I wanted to throw those words in Mrs. Gailon's face and I struggled to hold them back.

Mrs. Gailon took my silence to mean that our conversation was over. She opened the door. Cathleen looked up. She was on her phone in the top bunk. "Hey mom," then she noticed me, "Kelsey?"

I said hi and then watched the mother and daughter chat in silence. Even as I steamed, it occurred to me that they probably did this every night while I was asleep. Through my anger, I felt another pang of envy. Mrs. Gailon was back to her warm self. And Cathleen was bubbly and happy as well. The mother and daughter had a simple mundane conversation as I had to deal with my broken life. That conversation was more than I had had with either of them in weeks. Worse, it reminded me of my own mother which brought me back to cooking as well.

My mom had been a great chef. I wished I could have been learning from her instead of Ruth. She would have been patient with me. And if dad was there he would have made jokes about my many failures in a way that would've made both me and mom laugh.

Mom and dad. If only they were still alive, none of this would be happening. Instead, I was getting lectures about how I was the one who needed to change and not Ruth. Try harder, they all kept saying. I sniffled. They had no idea how hard I was trying.

 **A/N:** **So... It's the last day in July, literally, but it still counts. I got held up because I needed to change this chapter to reflect later ones.**

 **I cannot believe how much attention I got this month. Hello, new fans!**

 **Also, Sunday, July 29th was Tiger Day. So yeah.**

 **Thank you all for tuning in. Again if you're enjoying the content, please consider favoriting, following and leaving a comment. It means a lot. See you next month!**


	14. Moving Day

**Chapter 14: Moving Day**

By Thursday, I had managed to work through my anger at Mrs. Gailon's words. I had to face the fact that it wasn't just Ruth who thought I was doing a bad job. Mrs. Gailon did too and that meant that a lot of other people probably did as well.

I spent Wednesday watching the other clowns when Ruth chastised me. Chris was a jerk, so I didn't bother watching him. The others didn't act much better. They looked impatient with me sometimes, but that wasn't as bad as when someone would give me an angry look or say a rude joke at my expense. I guess that they thought I wasn't doing enough to not suck. I frowned as I made my way to the kitchens. I needed to do something. But what?

Ruth sat at the table and said the usual greeting and I sat down. Today there were only bagels.

Then to my surprise, Ruth actually spoke to me civilly. She said, "Today is moving day. Everyone is packing up, so it's just you and me this morning. We'll be toasting bagels and cleaning the last of the dishes for breakfast KP. After that people will be coming to help load things into the fridge trailer. Understood?"

I nodded. I already knew that today was moving day. We were going to Washington County to set up our next show.

The day was filled with serving simple meals, cleaning dishes, and packing. Lots and lots of packing. We finished packing up the food and dishes in the early afternoon with the help of Gab, Cathleen, Clare, and Heather. Then we packed up the concession stand. Ruth and I served lunch.

After lunch, Ruth tried to dismiss me. She said, "You're done here. I just need to warm-up dinner at 4."

I didn't budge. "What should I do?" I asked. I was not going to get punished again for using my free time 'unwisely'.

Ruth didn't look up from the countertop she was cleaning. She snapped at me, "I don't know, Kelsey Hayes. Why don't you go bother your other supervisors?"

I stared at her blankly for a moment and then I realized she meant Matt and his father. I hadn't seen either of those jerks in weeks, but they were technically my supervisors. Though, I had learned the hard way, not to talk to Mr. Davis. "Okay, I'll go look for Matt at the animal enclosures then," I said just to make sure that's what she meant.

"You go do that," she said, distracted by a stubborn stain.

I headed to the animal enclosures with the anticipation of seeing Lisa and the dread at talking to Matt or worse, his father. When I got there though it was empty, with no Matt or animals to be found. Even the fences had been packed up. Instead, there were horse trailers. I peeked into the smaller one. Lisa was inside. She looked up as I came to the barred window. When she saw me, she walked over. Then she stood next to the door and started meowing at me.

Through the bars, I said, "I'm sorry, Lisa."

She obviously didn't like the trailer. It was spacious but dark. I felt bad. I'd put her in cages before but never one like this. I should have prepared her better. I glanced left and then right. No one was around. Most people were probably helping take down the tent. I should go there too, but first I had to calm Lisa down. I sang her a few lullabies. It helped somewhat. She stopped meowing and curled herself up. She didn't look happy, but after a half hour or so she fell asleep. I smiled. I knew my singing wasn't very good, but Lisa liked it.

I looked over at the other cages. I ventured a peek into Dhiren's cage as I passed it. He was laying down and facing away from the door. From what I could tell he seemed to be sleeping. The dogs weren't though. They were in airport pet cages and yipped loudly as I passed.

I decided to look for Matt at the big top. The big top tent was one of the things I liked about our circus in particular. It was the old fashion type that could be set up and taken down by hand. When I reached the area where the tent usually stood, I saw everyone there except for Ruth. The whole Gailon family, Mr. Odoso, the clowns, Matt, and even the grumpy Mr. Davis, they were all helping take down the great tent with Mr. Maurizio directing the whole thing. I wanted to help, but they were nearly finished with lowering the center pole. It would have been awkward and possibly unhelpful to butt in now.

I waited until the pole was down before I went over to the Gailon boys to help with folding the tent. I felt a pang of guilt from not being there in time to help with the main tent take down event. No one said anything, but I knew some of them might have been wondering where I was.

Once the tent was folded and packed into its container. I looked at my phone. It wasn't even 3 yet which meant I had to talk to Matt. Lovely.

I went over to him. He was listening to something his father was saying. I grimaced but I still had to check in with them. "Is there anything you need help with?" I asked him.

Matt turned around and was surprised to find it was me, "Oh, uh, no. I already packed away your bobcat and all the animal supplies."

"So, you're not doing anything else?" I pressed.

His father answered for him, "My boy said he didn't need you. Why don't you go back to the kitchen where you belong?" Matt had the sense to look embarrassed, but the coward didn't argue.

"Excuse me?" That was all I could say. I was red with anger.

"You heard me," Mr. Davis said, "Matt and I aren't in need of your services, Hayes."

I bristled. Oh, I heard him alright. I looked over to see if anyone else did. People avoided my eyes, so they probably had. Fine. I saw how it was. I whirled around and went off to the kitchen instead of kicking this man in his shins.

I threw open the door and saw Ruth. She was setting out paper bowls and plates for the beef stew and bread tonight.

Ruth eyed me suspiciously. "That was fast," she said. "You're early."

"My supervisor told me to go back to the kitchen," I huffed.

"Hmph," was all Ruth said, but at least it wasn't a reprimand. I don't think I could have handled that right now.

She continued "I don't have anything for you to do. I meant it when I said you were done," Ruth said while taking out the plastic spoons. "Come back later for dinner."

I nodded jerkily and went to sit down at one of the cafeteria tables. Moments later Ruth left the kitchen. She grunted when she saw me. I knew she thought I wasn't spending my time well, but I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Lisa was packed up as Matt put it. I didn't have any work. I was too restless to read or play with my phone. So, I sat there and waited angrily until 4 pm.

Ruth returned first and warmed up the stew and bread, but then she took her seat at a table without asking for my help. Apparently, there was no serving tonight.

Shortly after, the rest of the circus streamed in. People were in high spirits and congratulating each other on another successful run. Everyone just grabbed their own food and sat down. No one sat at my table so I got up and went over to where the rest of the younger performers were.

"Hey guys," I said as I sat down next to Daniel.

"Oh, hey Kelsey," he said. Then Daniel turned to talk with Jeffery about something.

I looked at the rest of the table. Cathleen and Matt were there, talking as well. Matt met my eyes for a second. The same embarrassed look flashed across his face before he went back to talking with Cathleen. I guess that was the closest to an apology as I was going to get. Meanwhile, Bob and Bradley ate furiously as Keith talked to them. Though Keith seemed to talk to everyone. He kept butting into the conversations with Jeffery and Cathleen to tease his family.

At first, I was too angry to attempt conversation and no one felt the need to talk to me. I sat there like a ghost, allowing the conversations to flow around me. Midway through the meal, I started to feel more lonely than angry. I tried to join in, but it was short-lived. They all talked about things I didn't know about and I was quickly lost. Keith made a few jokes at my expense and Jeffery attempted to explain an inside joke once or twice. It didn't help and I was left alone for the most part to wonder at the foreign topics.

It struck me how little I had seen these people since coming here. Because I always worked during meals, I hadn't had the chance to learn about how things had changed since I left. And it was weird now to be sitting with everyone and seeing people around my age for once.

As dinner ended, the weirdness cemented into a depressing mood. Everyone in the kitchen thought that I was a burden. Matt and his father hated me and now I couldn't even hold a decent conversation with my circus peers. I entered the RV, my thoughts heavy.

 **A/N: What's this? An update early in the month? Yeah...I'm going on vacation, so I made an extra push to get this one out earlier in the month like I used to do.**

 **Story-wise, we've passed by the cannon time when Kelsey leaves the circus, last chapter and now we're moving locations. I have a lot planned for the coming months, so look forward to it.**

 **Other than that, I just wanted to say that I'd like to hear more from you guys. This is my first fanfiction ever, so I'd like some feedback. And you know, if you made it this far, you must like something about this story. Please consider leaving a comment. It makes my day. :)**

 **Also, today is the last day of Clown Week. So that's cool.**

 **See you next month!**


	15. Portland

**Chapter 15: Portland**

My bad mood from dinner got even worse when I looked out the RV window and caught sight of Cathleen and Matt walking together. They were heading towards the Gailon brother's RV. The three brothers had their own vehicle right next to the one Mrs. Gailon, Cathleen and I shared. I felt a pang. Everyone around my age was probably going to that RV. I had just seen them all at dinner, yet none of them had invited me. My stomach twisted. Kelsey Hayes, the circus outcast. That was what I was. I felt my face grow hot just as Mrs. Gailon started up our RV.

I spent the next hour trying not to cry. Reminding myself of how incredible this was. Three weeks ago, Lisa and I performed in front of everyone. We had gotten applause. I had been welcomed back into the circus of my childhood and I was finally leaving Sarah and this dumb town behind. This was a major victory. I shouldn't be lonely or miserable. I should be happy to be at the circus, my home. It shouldn't matter that I was a failure at cooking and making friends and that I hadn't even gotten close to being part of the show. It didn't matter. I was home, so I was fine. Really. Everything was fine.

I was startled when the RV stopped. I hadn't paid much attention to where we were going during the trip. So, when I lifted my head to look out the front window and saw the Portland skyline, I frowned. I thought we were going to Washington County. Mrs. Gailon got up and flicked on the interior lights for the back of the RV. Then she cried out, "Kelsey! What are you doing here?"

I stared at the woman blankly. What did she think I was doing?

"I had thought…" Mrs. Gailon began. She was still flustered, but she shook her head. "Never mind. I just wish you had spoken up earlier. Or at least turned on a light." It was rather dark now.

I just shrugged.

Mrs. Gailon gave a very Cathleen-like smile. The one Cathleen always had before telling me bad news. "Well, now I feel a little guilty. I'm going out tonight. And I won't be back until 9. Will you be alright in here?"

I nodded faintly.

Mrs. Gailon squinted at me. "Are you sure that you're alright, Kelsey." She moved closer to me.

It came out automatically. "I'm fine."

"Hmm," Mrs. Gailon said. Now she stood in front of me. I could tell she wasn't convinced. She put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay if you're not fine."

"But I am fine," I said, shaking off her hand.

She looked hurt, but I pushed my guilt aside. She had just told me that she wouldn't help me a couple of days ago. What gave her the right to turn around and act concerned now?

"Look, I know things in the kitchen are… rough," she began.

I snorted at her understatement.

"Okay, well maybe more than rough. But that doesn't mean they will be that way forever. I know I seemed pretty unfeeling the other day, but I meant what I said. I know you can do it, Kelsey. You can learn cooking if you try. And after that, I'm sure everything else will fall into place. So, hang in there." Mrs. Gailon gave me one last meaningful look before heading off to the bathroom.

I watched her go. It should have felt good to hear someone say aloud what I had been hoping for. But it would have been better to have received some actual help. My life couldn't be fixed with a few well-meaning words of sympathy and we both knew it.

I thought it would be a relief when Mrs. Gailon left, but it wasn't. Now I just felt restless. I got up and looked out the window at Portland. We were somewhere downtown, near a park. I felt a longing to go outside. I hesitated for just a moment before leaving the RV. I texted Mrs. Gailon that I was going out and went exploring.

Sometime later, I was in a small bookstore, browsing the shelves. Normally, I'd be in the non-fiction section looking at anything I thought might help with animal training, but the selection of those types of books wasn't that good here. So, I looked for novels instead.

I usually borrow novels from the library, but now that I had a moving address again, I figured I could justify buying some. I browsed the fantasy/sci-fi section. Anything with far-off lands, magical animals or adventure was up my alley. I liked romance too. As long as it wasn't down to earth, like urban fantasy or realistic fiction. I wanted to escape my surroundings, not relive them.

I found a few books I liked and as I headed to check them out, I passed the travel section and paused. There was a big book on display with the Taj Mahal on the cover. I stared at it, remembering all the times I had talked about India with Dhiren my first week. I talked about India and my mom more times that week than I had all year. Normally I didn't like to talk much about my parents. Not that there had been really anyone to talk to in Oregon. But Dhiren had made it so easy. The way he was eager to listen and those knowing eyes of his. I felt like he understood everything I said. It was hard not to talk his ears off. Correction, it used to be hard. Dhiren had been distant ever since I dismissed him. My words had really affected him and I wasn't really sure what to do about it. What he wanted, I couldn't give at the moment. And a couple of apologies on my part had convinced me that he wouldn't forgive me until I could.

I continued to stare at the book. There were probably hundreds of travel books with the Taj Mahal on the cover. So, this cover wasn't telling me much. I set down the books I had been holding and picked up the generic travel guide. I turned it over and was presented with an overly-enthusiastic summary about how cool and exotic India was. I frowned at the book and started flipping through the pages. Generic it might be, but the pictures were stunning. Some were just so bright and colorful. It was an honest bombastic beauty. I couldn't help but smile.

I was still looking through the book when the clerk announced that the bookstore was closing in 10 minutes. I pulled out my phone. It was nearly 9. I had to meet Mrs. Gailon soon.

I stared at the book. It had been more fascinating than I had given it credit for and I wasn't even close to done. At some point, I had stopped flipping and started reading the descriptions of the temples and other landmarks. And apparently, the time had gotten away from me.

I closed the book. I glanced at its stand but thought better of it. This book was coming with me. I grabbed my other books and hurried to check out and then I was out the door.

It wasn't a long walk back to the RV but with ever step away from the bookstore, I felt my smile fade and my mood grow dark again. It was time to return to the circus.


	16. Remembrance

**Chapter 16: Remembrance**

I woke up the next morning with tears in my eyes. I hadn't dreamed about Dhiren last night. Instead, I dreamed about mom. It had been a memory from when I was a kid. I wiped away the tears and got up.

I hated dreaming about my parents. When I woke up, I was always reminded that they were dead. I hadn't dreamt of them in a long time. It must have been that travel book. All that India stuff made me think of Mom and the stories she'd tell me as a kid.

I could still hear the echo of her words. "You have to open up Kelsey. If you want to connect with your cats and the audience. You have to see what they see. Then you'll know." I smiled grimly at my ribbons. Mom was always talking about multiple perspectives. That's what made her so calm and agreeable most of the time. Dad was quick to passion, but Mom always liked to take life a few steps back, to see the web.

I pulled out a white ribbon for them this morning and tied it on, still chewing over the dream. It had been just like old times. I was eight and Mom was trying to explain how to plan an act. Me being me, I was rather impatient about the whole thing and I complained that I just wanted to do what I thought was cool. Dad had laughed somewhere in the background and Mom gave me a small smile before trying to explain that's not how it worked. She had been wearing her costume in the dream. Mom's favorite tigers, Tanvi and Anika were there too, though dad's lions were nowhere to be seen. Even Dad was basically off-screen. It had been just me, mom, and her favorite tigers.

As is the way with dreams, I didn't notice at the time. Instead, I squirmed under mom's patient gaze and acted like a hyperactive kid. The dream ended with her giving me a warm hug and saying I'd understand one day.

Now, I felt cold. At the rate I was going, who knew when I'd see the stage and the audience. There was only the kitchen.

The realizations from yesterday and Wednesday hit me all over again. Mrs. Gailon had been right. Everyone thought I sucked. Worse yet, most people seemed to think that I wasn't even trying. I swallowed. I wondered what Mom would actually think. Ruth threw her name around a lot, and it always hurt more to hear Ruth drag Mom into her rants. But still, I thought of my mom's patient smile.

I knew my mom. She'd understand. She always understood. She'd probably defend Ruth and everyone else, but Mom would defend me too. She'd talk about trying to understand their feelings while I complained to her about Ruth. Then she would probably nod and say to keep an open mind about their doubts, but to not be consumed by them. After that Mom would say that she believed I was working hard and that I would figure it out. Then she would offer to teach me too. I smiled sadly down at the ribbon box. Unlike Mrs. Gailon, Mom would actually lend support, not just comfort. I imagined the whole thing ending in another hug with mom saying that she loved me.

I felt tears prick at my eyes. I had gone too far. I felt colder still, imagining it all. It was hard to think about my parents like this. Like they were actually here. I blinked hard and refocused. My parents were gone, but I was here. So, there was no more time for crying. I had to keep moving. Mom couldn't teach me, but I could still do this. I had to. With that, I wiped off my tears and turn to head off to the kitchen.

Then I got out of the RV and realized that I didn't know where the kitchen was. We were in a new location after all. Everything was slightly different. I looked around. There were a few people already up and milling around, but I didn't see Ruth. I got out my phone. It was still early. I'd have time to find the kitchen. I set out to explore the new location. The first stop, of course, was Lisa.

She was asleep in her trailer. She didn't even raise her head when I peeked in. It was still reassuring to see her in there, though. Lisa was like my Tanvi and Anika. She wasn't a pair of Indian tigers, but she was my best friend. I frowned. What was I doing thinking of those two? Thinking about them was almost as bad as thinking about Mom and Dad. I had watched them wither and die before Sarah had come for me. The tigers had refused to live in a world without Mom. My heart had broken a second time when they died and it broke again when the circus donated away the rest of my parents' big cats. This was too much. I didn't want to cry again this morning.

I turned away and found myself facing Dhiren's trailer. A quick glance showed that he too, was resting. More to get away from my morbid thoughts than anything else, I stepped closer to his cage. He stirred when I approached. Though it was hard to tell whether that meant he was awake or not, since he was still positioned away from the door.

I decided to test it. I clung to the window bars and said, "Morning Dhiren."

Dhiren's ear twitched and he turned to face me. His blue eyes met mine and then they narrowed into an accusatory squint.

"How—"

I didn't even finish before the tiger tossed his head and turned away from me again. Then he aggressively settled back into his sleeping position. I wish I could say he was just not a morning person, but I knew that wasn't what this was about. Honestly, it was rare to get that much acknowledgment these days. Like everyone else around here, the tiger was far from my biggest fan. I ignored the hurt. I mean I _had_ done it to myself. Then I pressed on.

It took several more stops to the different buildings in the fairgrounds before I found the actual cafeteria. Ruth was already there, of course, unpacking boxes. "You had breakfast?" she asked me.

I shook my head.

Ruth pointed to a bowl. It was filled with breakfast bars. "That's all we have this morning. Eat up and then hurry up and help me."

I nodded and grabbed a couple. I ate them quickly as I looked around. It looked like I was the first one here besides Ruth. Not great. But breakfast couldn't last forever. I finished the bars off and started on the boxes.

Moving in was a lot like moving out. The same people showed up to help. Lunch was later than usual. Ruth's husband, Mr. Henry, brought in new food for Ruth and she did Thai stir-fry for lunch. I just cut up fruit while Mrs. Gailon handled rice.

Dinner would be late too, I realized, as the circus show drew nearer. Just like it had been after the show on my first night. Mrs. Gailon left to help with set up. Ruth and I were still cleaning up from lunch when Ruth informed me, "After this, we're doing a pasta medley tonight."

I turned around. A great truth suddenly dawning on me. "We had pasta on my first night. And we've had stir-fry before too. Are we?" I felt my mouth go dry. "Are we going to be repeating a lot of dishes from our last run?"

Ruth reddened, "Do you expect me to cook something different every day, Kelsey Hayes!"

"No, it's just…"

But Ruth wouldn't let me finish. "I ain't no genie. I work hard every day and this is the thanks I get? Well, I'll tell you…" She went on ranting for a time but I wasn't listening. My mind was buzzing.

For the last three weeks, we'd cooked something different for lunch and dinner every day, excluding leftover nights. Even when I felt like I might be able to learn a certain dish, the next meal would be something completely different. New words to google, new ingredients to prepare poorly, new timings to screw up and, of course, new Ruth lectures to listen to.

Breakfast had been the only meal I felt like I was making consistent headway. Besides bacon, there were few things I still had trouble with. Eggs were easy, cereal wasn't even cooking and pancakes, well I had been mastering them slowly over the weeks. Practice makes perfect after all. I grinned. Practice _does_ make perfect.

"What are you snickering about Kelsey Hayes. You ain't no genie either. Start filling up those pots with water instead of grinning there like a fool. The pasta isn't going to cook itself. Really now."

"Right!" I said. I began filling the pasta pots with water but the grin didn't leave. This was my chance. I could show everyone. My mind was whirling thinking about how much easier dishes would be this time around, how I could apply what I had been forced to learn. All those hours, all those burns, cuts, lectures and ruined dishes, they'd serve me well. I knew they would. This was it!

I was so excited that I forgot the first thing I learned about cooking: Don't daydream.

The next thing I knew, the pot I was filling was slushing over with water. I had filled it up too high. Now, the water was overflowing into the sink and spattering onto my shirt. I jerked back at the hot water at first. Then I remembered the faucet. My hand shot out to turn it off but not before Ruth noticed.

From behind me, Ruth snapped, "What are you doing wasting hot water!"

"Sorry," I said as I turned off the faucet.

I lifted the pot and began pouring out the excess water from the pot into the sink. My arms strained with the effort. It was one of the bigger pots, so it could hold a few gallons of water. I didn't rush the job though. I knew what would happen if I poured too fast. I wasn't interested in getting more soaked.

Ruth huffed. "Can't even fill up some pots. What good are you? I swear Madi would cry if she could see you."

I swallowed a retort as I finished pouring. Not even Ruth talking about Mom could ruin my new mood. I was too far gone. A small smile returned as I filled the next pot and started the burner for the one I just finished pouring.

I just knew I could make this work. It wouldn't be easy, I tried to remind myself. This was serious. If I wanted to succeed, I could not forget the lessons I had been learning like I just did there. "Practice makes perfect, but only if it's perfect."

I touched my ribbon. That was another Mom quote. She was just on my mind today.

I finished the last pot. Then I turned up the dials to put all the pots on high heat with their covers on. You always want to cover a pot if you want the water to boil fast. I remembered that Ruth lecture well. Dinner had been a whole 7 minutes late that day, a travesty according to Ruth, but not today.

I turned to Ruth to ask for more instruction. But her sixth sense didn't need me to speak. Without turning around, she said, "Add 2 tablespoons of oil and 1 tablespoon of salt to each. Then start a salad."

"Regular or fruit?" I asked confidently.

Ruth turned to narrow her eyes at me, "Regular," she said archly.

I knew she was suspicious. My voice actually sounded happy. I _was_ happy. This was my chance.

I nodded to Ruth and got to work. My mind felt like it was about to go in a million directions but I reined it in. I would not forget. Don't daydream. I would perfect my practice. I would show my progress and I _would_ get out of this kitchen.


	17. Independence Day

**Chapter 17: Independence Day**

Things in the kitchen were getting better. I had learned Ruth's jargon and most of the recipes were at least familiar to me by now. Sometimes, I even felt like things might really be clicking.

But I was far from perfect. Even though I now knew what to do, doing it still posed a bit of a problem. I hadn't spilled any water recently, but Ruth had yelled at me several times about working too slow. I was just trying to remember everything. There was just a lot to go through. Sometimes I just needed to pause and think of how to avoid old mistakes and that was leading to some new mistakes, like burning the fried rice on Monday.

To make things even more complicated, Ruth was putting me on different side dishes this time around. So even if we were repeating a meal, it could still be a new dish for me. All in all, things had been looking up ever since we arrived in Washington County, just not as up as I would like.

Still, today was going to be a good day. It was, after all, the Fourth of July. The Fourth was an important holiday at Circus Maurizio, where we could take a break from the crazy high traffic summer season and from circus life in general. That meant that there were no shows today and no cooking lessons.

In fact, Ruth wouldn't be in the kitchen all day. Mrs. Gailon would be in charge of the kitchen for breakfast and Mr. Henry, Ruth's husband and the head clown, would be in charge of the kitchen at lunch. And then everyone was going out for dinner, so I had that meal completely off. And to top it all off, tomorrow, the kitchen was closed, so I had the whole day off, my first day off ever. I had practically squealed when Mrs. Gailon had explained that final luxury on Tuesday.

This morning, I practically skipped to the kitchen in anticipation. We were making special Fourth of July pancakes which predictably started with making pancakes. After several breakfasts, I was rather good at making pancakes and today, my pancakes were the best in the kitchen much to everyone's surprise. I followed Ruth's recipe and I didn't burn a single one!

Mrs. Gailon noticed and said, "You've really gotten good at this, Kelsey. I'm impressed." Then, she actually patted me on the back.

I couldn't help it. I smiled.

Afterwards, Mrs. Gailon and I had used her cookie star mold to make star pancakes and pancakes with star holes. The holes were filled with whipped cream and the stars were outlined in the stuff. Then I helped Mrs. Gailon make berry syrup from blueberries and strawberries. The finished pancakes were festive. By the time we were serving them, we were all in a good mood, chatting and having fun, actual fun.

Daniel, the third cook today, had even done the bacon so I didn't even have to deal with that. It was near perfect.

Things continued going well at lunch. Bob, Bradley and I were in the kitchen with Mr. Henry, but we didn't actually end up cooking anything. Mr. Henry was seasoning the meat that Mr. Maurizio would grill outside in the picnic area. Bob was making a salad with Bradley. I sliced watermelons, which was the easiest job. I guessed Mr. Henry didn't trust me because of his wife, but I didn't mind the easy work. I finished quickly and Mr. Henry sent me out with a tray of his seasoned ribs to give to Mr. Maurizio.

I was one of the last people to arrive at the picnic area so the whole scene was laid out before me. Mr. Maurizio and Mr. Davis were at the grill. The rest of the guys were playing frisbee out on the field. Cathleen was out there too with her ponytails bouncing. The other women, Ruth, Clare the clown, Mrs. Gailon and Heather, Cathleen's older sister, were chatting under the shaded picnic tables. Everyone was smiling.

I made my way to Mr. Maurizio.

" _Mi patatina_ , just the person I have been wanting to see," Mr. Maurizio said as soon as I was within earshot. I walked faster. It was nice to see a friendly face. As soon as I was close enough, Mr. Maurizio grabbed my tray of ribs and handed it to Mr. Davis. "Here, Andrew take this."

Mr. Davis took the tray reluctantly, but Mr. Maurizio paid him no heed. "Come, come," Mr. Maurizio said to me, "We must talk for a bit." Without turning away from me, he said, "You'll be fine at the grill, right Andrew?"

Mr. Davis grunted.

Mr. Maurizio took that as a yes and steered me away from Matt's dad toward the picnic tables. As we walked, he said, "Viola was praising your pancakes to me, _mi patatina_ and I realized that it has been too long since we have spoken. How are you?"

His dark eyes were brown in the summer sun, warm and understanding, but all I said was, "I'm fine."

"Are you?" he asked. He gave me a knowing look. Why did no one ever believe me?

"Well, like you said, even Mrs. Gailon liked my pancakes today and Mr. Henry let me out to lunch first. So, cooking is going alright."

Mr. Maurizio nodded, twisting his mustache. "Yes, I was very happy to hear you've been doing better in the kitchen lately. It is a relief to know it is true."

I drew my eyebrows together in confusion. "Who told you that I was improving?" I wondered if it was Mrs. Gailon again. Even though they didn't look alike, Viola Gailon and Agostino Maurizio were close siblings.

Mr. Maurizio grinned at me, "Who else, _mi patatina_ , but Ruth."

"What?!" I cried out. I was so loud that Mr. Davis and the group at the picnic tables looked up at us. Both Ruth and Mr. Davis glared at me.

I mumbled something and returned my gaze to Mr. Maurizio. The ringmaster gave me a mischievous look, "Well not in so many words, but it is, how you say, clear as crystal."

I just stared at the man. My mouth opened in confusion. Ruth, the woman who tried to fire me, actually thought I was improving? It was too hard to comprehend.

"You did not hear it from me. Yes?" he winked at me.

I just closed my mouth and nodded.

"Very good," he said, "Now the reason I wished to talk with you. Today and tomorrow are holidays, yes? Do you have any plans?"

"Um…" I had been planning to spend my free time training Lisa. She had gotten over her travel fatigue yesterday, but somehow, I didn't think that was the answer he wanted to hear.

"I know the young people, they will go to the fireworks tonight," he prompted.

"I'm not going," I said.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Lisa is afraid of fireworks. I need to stay here and keep her company," and to train with her before that and after.

Mr. Maurizio frowned. "Ah I see, and tomorrow?" he asked.

I almost grimaced. Between the checkup and talk of my plans, this was beginning to feel like a Sarah discussion. I said with as much cheerfulness as I could, "I was planning to do some training and enjoy my day off."

Luckily, Mr. Maurizio didn't look upset at my answer like Sarah would. He nodded, "I understand. _Tale e quello che è suo padre_. You have a fire like your father. He never rested in the beginning either." His eyes sparkled. "But I am the ringmaster and I was his friend, so sometimes I would help him rest."

I tensed. I was afraid of this. No one ever seemed content to let me do my work in peace, even here.

"Do not look so suspicious," he said with a smile "I only ask you for a small thing."

I held my breath ready to argue if need be.

"Tomorrow, join _mia famiglia_ for dinner," he said.

We had been walking, but this stopped me in my tracks. "Dinner?" I repeated. I hadn't been expecting that. It was rather rare for circus families to go out to dinner since there was communal dining most of the time and to be asked to come to a family dinner was rarer still.

He nodded. "There is no kitchen tomorrow. And the food is on me. It is a good deal, yes?"

I considered it. It really was very nice of him to offer, but…

"What time?" I asked still not committing to anything.

"We will leave at 5 pm," he said promptly.

I looked down, trying not to make a face. _So early_. There would still be plenty of sunlight around that time.

"Come on, _mi patatina_ ," he implored, "It will be a good time."

I bit my lip. I didn't want to say no, but he was asking me to give up my training time and Gods knew I didn't have a lot to spare.

But then I made the mistake of looking up into Mr. Maurizio's eyes. There was a mixture of hope and caution in them. I knew that look. Dhiren had worn it every day I had left early when I first started my new schedule. I clenched my fists. I couldn't let him down too. Even if it was inconvenient and even if there were other things I wanted to do, things I needed to do, I just couldn't bear to have the one person in this circus who still genuinely liked to me to look at me with the disappointment that I glimpsed in Dhiren's blue eyes almost every day.

I sighed. "Alright," I said, "I'll come."

Mr. Maurizio smiled brighter than a spotlight and pulled me into a bone crushing hug, " _Fantastico_!"

Despite myself, I smiled through the pain. Hopefully this time I had made the right choice.

 **A/N: Hey everyone!**

 **Guys, it has been too long. Thank you for all the reviews, especially brookiebee4. I'm feeling so loved and motivated. This chapter was actually really hard to write,** **so I really appreciate all the support.**

 **So where was I last month? I posted this on my profile but just in case you guys didn't see, this November I was participating in National November Writing Month. And in case you guys are wondering I did, in fact, reach 50,000 words. I wrote a meta Percy Jackson fanfic based on Titan's Curse. The first chapter should be published soon, so look forward to it.**

 **I still owe you guys a chapter so one of these months will be a double feature. like I said this chapter was a bit of a struggle and so was the last one since Kelsey has finally reached a turning point. I can't you tell how many rewrites I've done, so many that I finally caught up with myself. I'm writing, editing, getting beta edited and posting the same chapter all in the same month. Not a situation I really like, I'll try to see if I can fix that. At one time, I thought that I was going to finish the first draft of this fic in January...but that's life.**

 **Anyway, I am super excited for what comes next. Expect more tiger and more circus.**

 **Happy Holidays Everyone**

 **See you next month!**


	18. Forgotten

**Chapter 18: Forgotten**

After lunch, I made the long trek from the RVs and picnic area to the stage so that I could drop off my training supplies. Then I headed to Lisa's enclosure. Everyone else was excited to celebrate the fourth of July, but all I cared about was the possibility of an extended training session with Lisa.

I'd had almost a month of limited training with Lisa. Instead of practicing, I was left with daydreams about Lisa's new act. It wasn't the same. I still hadn't figured out what I wanted to do with Lisa's show. Before coming to the circus, Lisa had been a rarity in her own right. Now, she would have to perform with a tiger and, honestly, a bobcat just didn't compare. Lisa wasn't going to surpass Dhiren in scale or power. She was common and small next to him.

Still, I knew it was far from hopeless. Dhiren didn't do many tricks and Lisa and I had accumulated tons over the years. I just needed a complex routine to wow the crowd. I thought of a lot of possibilities, none of which felt showy enough. It was too stilted in my mind, kind of like one of my old talent show acts.

I was at the circus again. I needed to think big.

Today I planned to get Lisa and myself back into a training mindset. We were going to do a deep exploration of old tricks to see what would be good. With luck, maybe I'd think of something as we trained. Today did seem like my lucky day.

I was brimming with anticipation as Lisa and I went through our warm up. Since being in the kitchen full time, I'd made a special warm-up for Lisa. First, I had her walk and then run around the enclosure. Then, I'd follow up with a series of a few basic jumps. After that, we'd usually do a set, maybe a few basic commands, a short routine or a complex move or two, depending on the day. It was just a brief refresher to try to keep Lisa from forgetting any important commands.

Things were going to be different today. I made sure our pace was slower. I wasn't trying to tire Lisa out. We were in for the long haul. With that in mind, we did an easier warm-up and were just finishing some basic commands when my phone rang to signal that it was feeding time.

Lisa and I stopped what we were doing and I went over to the shed to feed Lisa her dinner. As soon as I came back with her food, the dogs in the other enclosure started barking like mad. I glanced over at them.

The message was clear: What about our dinner?

I realized that I didn't know. I knew Matt would be unlikely to feed Lisa since I was practicing with her, but I had figured that he would come and feed the other animals before leaving. Yet, I had not seen him or anyone else for at least a half hour. The circus was basically empty. Had I missed him?

The dogs continued to go crazy. Some of them were whining. I couldn't remember them being this frantic the last time I had fed Lisa. As I tossed Lisa pieces of meat for her to catch, I looked over to Dhiren's enclosure. There was no food in there and Dhiren did not look like he'd moved from his corner recently. He was still in the same position.

A sneaking suspicion crept over me. It had been no secret I was staying behind with Lisa. I had asked for Mr. Maurizio's permission to use the stage during lunch. Had Matt just left without feeding the animals?

Amid the sounds of whining and barking, my gut said yes. I scowled. "Of all the most irresponsible things," I muttered. I tossed Lisa the rest of her dinner and went back to the shed. I first fed the dogs. Then I went again for the large meat cut that had to be Dhiren's. I hesitated for a moment, worrying about the possible danger, but decided to ignore my doubts. Dhiren and I were comfortable enough for this.

And anyway, unlike some people, _I_ actually knew how to feed my animals. Because how could anyone call themselves an animal trainer and leave their charges to starve? Had Matt just hoped I'd realize to feed his animals without asking me? Would he have blamed me if I hadn't fed them? Either way, he was being despicable and I hated him.

I fed everyone, but I didn't really refocus until Lisa and I had left her enclosure to use the big top. The aura of the big top was hard to resist. There was always an air of magic that came from years of shows and cheers contained in its red walls. I smiled as I stepped onto center stage. I had already set up my supplies. My green hoops, their stands, and my other supplies were waiting for us in the middle of the empty stage like an invitation. My smile widened. Lisa and I were ready.

We did another shorter warm up and then I decided to go through Lisa's last show. Lisa began the routine. I never had time to see the whole thing anymore. Seeing it again, I felt a shadow of the same pride, I'd felt when we'd last been on this stage. Lisa was a little hesitant on the jumps but she made each one. Then, I set up the stands, in place of volunteers, to do the finale. Lisa began to jump from one hoop to another, going through the motions we'd practiced for months.

When she stood behind me for the final jump through the hoop I held above my head, I could feel her tense. "Come on, Lisa," I said.

Lisa meowed and then hissed. I stood still. I knew she could do it. This was a move we practice often even with the new schedule. Still, Lisa had been skittish all routine. She probably needed a bit of coaxing.

"Come on, girl," I said.

Lisa meowed and I turned. She looked really tense. Her fur was standing up.

I knelt down. "It's alright," I said to her.

I held out my hand and she rubbed against it. I petted her for a bit. After she calmed down, I had her try the trick again.

But again, she faltered. I frowned. Every animal would sometimes be unresponsive to a command. It did happen. But Lisa didn't look confused. She knew what I was asking for. It was almost as if she was spooked.

I frowned. It wasn't like her to be like this. "What's wrong girl?"

Lisa whined.

After calming her again, I asked her to jump. Not over me but just straight up into the air. Lisa complied and then I saw the problem. Lisa performed a high jump, always impressive, but watching her closely, I noticed it wasn't as high as usual. I frowned and asked her to jump again with the same result.

I swore under my breath. We'd barely started and now it looked like Lisa was too tired to do the jumps we'd practiced a week ago, no problem. But now, it was a problem. For weeks, we'd been doing warm-ups instead of real practice sessions. That was months in bobcat time, which was, unfortunately, plenty of time to get out of shape. Lisa's endurance had probably suffered from her new environment and training schedule.

"I guess we'll be doing an easier workout than I anticipated," I said, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

Lisa meowed her agreement.

As we continued, life gave me more bad news. Going through some of the less intensive tricks, I found that I hadn't been as thorough in my warm-up refreshers as I thought. I had been sure to practice all of Lisa's big recent tricks, but some of the older ones had apparently fallen through the cracks. It was hard to stuff a half decade of tricks into twenty-minute training sessions and it showed. Lisa looked at me blankly when I asked her to do the Phantom Piano trick, a middle school classic. And she even tripped up on the Dizzy Ditz Spin. My heart broke each time she would give me that helpless cat look of confusion. She hadn't performed this erratically since Sarah had grounded me for two weeks during my freshman year.

I tried not to get discouraged as we trained. I did my best to take note of the tricks she'd had trouble with so we could work on them tomorrow, which was already looking much different than I imagined.

Lisa and I stopped sooner than I would have liked. I sat down and Lisa laid beside me as we waited for the fireworks. All the time, my mind was occupied by Lisa's performance. It was worse than I feared. If this was Lisa after a few weeks, I shuddered to think what would happen after a month or two. I was again hit with the knowledge that I needed to get out of the kitchen. Mr. Maurizio had said Ruth had noticed my improvement. When would that translate to my freedom?

I was still wondering these things when the first firework went off. I felt Lisa tense beside me. "Don't be afraid, Lisa," I said, "It's just the fireworks."

Then I began singing to her as I did every year. With my mediocre voice botching lullabies in English and mangled Hindi, Lisa began to relax enough for me to pet her. We made it through the fireworks relatively easily, but I couldn't feel satisfied.

I had no idea what to do about our show. Lisa was becoming out-of-shape and forgetful. And it would only get worse with time.

I looked up at the stands in the big top, feeling hopeless. They were empty and I felt a long way away from my goals.

Beside me, Lisa yawned.

I gave her a sad smile. She was right. It was late. And our problems were bigger than one night.

I gathered up my stuff and then Lisa and I headed back to the enclosures. When I opened the door to Lisa's enclosure, she wandered in a few steps in and then curled up for some sleep. My poor tired bobcat.

"Goodnight Lisa," I said.

I took one last look at her and closed the door. It was the end of a long day. She deserved her rest. Before I headed back, I looked at the other enclosures, still miffed at Matt's negligence. The dogs were sleeping the night away just like Lisa. I expected Dhiren to be sleeping too. My eyes found his usual spot in the farthest most corner. I blinked. I could not believe what I was seeing even as a shiver went down my spine.

Dhiren… was gone.

 **A/N: So I'm late...I'm really late. I owe you guys another month. I'll add it to the list. There are a couple IRL reasons for that (PE Exam _*cough* *cough*_ ), but the easiest writing excuse is what I mentioned last time. The fact I'm writing in real time instead of editing a store of chapters. So when stuff comes up, I'm forced to put d** **own my writing and focus on it even if I'd rather be writing. Also, it just took a while to get this chapter right. We're edging ourselves into a new narrative arc and I want to do it justice.**

 **Anyways, that cliffhanger, right? I'm excited for the next chapter which is in the works. I'm curious where you guys think Dhiren is, especially the people, who read the book.**

 **Could you humor me with a guess?**

 **I am really sorry about the delay. I'll try to make sure it doesn't become a habit.**

 **See you next month.**


	19. The Search

**Chapter 19: The Search**

For a second, I didn't breathe. I just stood there, struck dumb. Then, I was in motion. I jogged past the other enclosures and to Dhiren's. My eyes scanned his enclosure area, finding no sign of the giant white tiger. Instead, I saw an abandoned slab of meat and, as I got closer, I noticed the door was unlocked and slightly a jar.

Panic.

"Oh god…"

I desperately did one last visual search before reaching for the handle. I told myself to stay calm. I needed to stay calm, but how had the door been opened? Everyone was gone. Everyone, but me.

"Oh god." Was it… was it my fault?

I tried to remember back to feeding Dhiren this evening. I had been so upset with Matt that I barely remembered it. I had thrown the tiger his meat and called out to him. Dhiren hadn't moved and then I had left. But I had closed and locked the door, hadn't I? I thought I did, but I couldn't remember for sure now.

I clenched the handle and took in a deep breath. I was an animal trainer. I would be calm. I needed to be. I felt some of the tension leave my body and I opened the door. "Dhiren?" I called out.

My eyes roved over the enclosure once again and found nothing. I walked in, careful not to run just in case the tiger was still in here and hiding. After a few minutes of searching every nook and cranny, I stood in the middle of the enclosure certain, dead certain, it was empty.

Somehow the tiger had escaped. And it was my fault.

My hands were shaking as I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I needed to tell someone. A tiger was on the loose. This was a big fairground, but it was still in the middle of a city. What if Dhiren made it out there? What if he was seen? People would freak. They might upset him and then all bets were off. I'd read too many stories about mountain lion shootings. Dhiren needed to be found. Immediately.

My finger swiped through my contact list. But to my horror, none of the right people were in there. No Matt, No Mr. Davis, not even Mr. Maurizio had given me his number. I'd never asked. I gripped the phone until my knuckles were white but that didn't summon the numbers I needed. All I had was Mrs. Gailon. She would have to do. My thumb hovered over the call button when a selfish thought entered my mind.

I could be fired for this.

I stilled as that thought added a new dread. I stared at the screen. My mind raced until a memory of a news article flashed before my eyes, the one that had the picture of the dead cougar. Dhiren was in trouble. I pressed the button.

"Hello, this is Viola."

"Mrs. Gailon," I rushed.

But to my dismay, the phone continued, "I'm busy at the moment, so please leave a message with your name and phone number after the beep."

-Beep-

"Hi. Mrs. Gailon? This is Kelsey. It's an emergency. I can't find Dhiren. I need to speak to Mr. Maurizio, Matt or Mr. Davis immediately. Call me back as soon as possible."

I hung up feeling even worse than before. I typed out a text to Mrs. Gailon leaving a similar message and then I stood, staring out of the enclosure. I wondered if I should alert the authorities, but I shook my head. I knew that if it was possible, the circus wouldn't want Dhiren's escape to be advertised. He was trained and probably harmless according to Matt. And if the news found out, it could mean… well, circuses have gone out of business for less. So, until I heard back, I was on my own.

I turned my phone off of silent and took another deep breath. I needed a plan. I was all alone here, but I needed to search the circus as best as I could until I got help. I looked out into the night and tried to think of where the tiger would go first.

Cats liked familiar things. With luck, Dhiren was somewhere close. I left the enclosure and jogged around the surrounding area. I searched and called out Dhiren's name but all I accomplished was waking up Lisa and the dogs. So much for that idea.

I looked around me. Where else?

This fairground was laid out differently than the last one we performed at. The enclosures were deep in the fairgrounds. The nearest building was the cafeteria. Then there was the big top and the RVs and the picnic area to the far west.

Maybe he had gone to the big top? But even as I thought it, I doubted that idea. Lisa and I had been there for a long time. I was pretty sure that even if I hadn't noticed him, Lisa would have.

But if not there, then where? The RV area was empty, so no real reason to go there. He wasn't hungry. Most of his dinner was in his enclosure. No reason for him to head to the cafeteria or the picnic area. So, after the big top the most likely place…

I looked past the enclosure. There wasn't much land between the fairgrounds and civilization. I shook my head again. I would search the other places first and quickly. Hopefully, I'd find him in one of those places. If not…

I couldn't worry about it yet. I needed to stay calm. I took off at a run and began calling out the tiger's name. I searched the cafeteria, but the door was locked and a quick run around showed that the place was untouched. Not a problem, I told myself. I hadn't expected him to be here anyway. I ran on to the big top.

I slowed down and took my time there. First, I searched the stage area with no luck. He wasn't in the stands and he definitely wasn't on stage. Then I looked through backstage. I hoped he'd be there, but I searched every possible hiding spot calling out his name and found nothing. No sign he'd wandered in, either. Same story for the surrounding tents. They were undisturbed. That only left the RV and picnic areas.

I dashed over to the picnic area. My mind growing frantic as it was looking worse and worse. He really could be anywhere. I had no idea when he'd left the enclosure. I might be wasting my time and I still hadn't heard back from Mrs. Gailon. I had no idea what she could be doing. It's been almost an hour. I wanted to scream at her. Every minute I searched alone was a minute closer to something happening to Dhiren.

The picnic area was silent as a graveyard as I called out again and again. The area was vast. It was meant for large crowds. So, there was a lot of ground to cover. As I searched, I kept thinking about Dhiren alone somewhere. He was such a sweet tiger. I missed our talks. I remember how he used to perk up each time I entered the enclosure and then how he used to follow me around like a puppy. It seemed like forever since we'd been on good terms. Forever, since I had seen him happy. Gods, I didn't want to be separated from Dhiren before I saw him smile again.

The thought stopped me in my tracks. I had been racing around this huge place and calling out his name. I had to stop to catch my breath.

But even as I tried to gulp down air, I felt my panic rise. I had searched the picnic area and after that, I needed to take a look at the RV area and then the rest of the fairgrounds. If I didn't hear back from Mrs. Gailon soon, I would have to search the entire fairgrounds alone. That was too much area. The likelihood of me finding the tiger before some random civilian... I swallowed. I didn't like those odds. I didn't like those odds at all. I needed to find him. I needed to keep looking.

"Dhiren," I shouted as loud as I could. And then I started up again. I searched the rest of the picnic area and without missing a beat I headed towards the RV area. Now was not the time, to get upset. I needed to check everywhere.

As I neared the area continuing to call out, I heard something. What was that?

A faint growl!

My heart thumped.

"Dhiren?" I cried out again running towards the sound, but I heard nothing. I ran faster into the RV area, which wasn't empty. There were still a few RVs there. I looked around, straining my ears for any sound, before calling out again "Dhiren! Where are you?"

I paused and listened. Nothing. Had I imagined it? I ran to the nearest RV and began searching. My mind swung back and forth between hope and despair as I looked and saw no sign of the tiger. I kept looking until I saw the animal trailers. I stopped.

Could he be in his trailer? Gods let him just be in his trailer.

"Dhiren," I said running toward his trailer. "Are you in there?"

I came to eye level with the trailer door window and looked inside. He was glaring at me fiercely, but Dhiren was in there, safe and sound.

I clutched the bars of the window, "Thank goodness". I pressed my head against the trailer wall. "I thought…" I let out a sob. "I thought… you were gone and that I had somehow let you out. Gods, Dhiren, you could have died." I couldn't keep speaking, my mouth was full of tears of relief.

I felt something warm on my hands and I looked down. One of Dhiren's paws was pressed against my fingers. Our eyes met. There was something gentle in his expression which made me cry harder.

It didn't matter that nothing happened. Things could have been so different. I had been so angry at Matt this afternoon that I couldn't remember locking the door. Then I hadn't had anyone's numbers. I hadn't even thought to look for the trailers. I'd been a complete idiot this whole time. The fact he was here and not dead on some street was just dumb luck. I didn't deserve that look from him. He really could have died.

"I'm sorry," I said. I pulled a hand away to wipe at my tears, "I'm sorry that I haven't been a good trainer to you. That I've been so distracted. I don't know what I would have done if...if…"

Dhiren rubbed his paw on my remaining hand and chuffed as if to brush away my apology.

I continued, "I would have never forgiven myself. I was such an idiot. I don't-"

This time, the tiger growled. His eyes still on mine, his expression warm. He gave my hand a firm pat and removed his paw.

As I tried again to continue, the tiger paid me no mind and laid down facing the window with his eyes closed.

I stared at him. His eyes remained tightly and stubbornly closed as I watched. His tail twitched with tension. Dhiren was feigning sleep. I think he'd just dismissed me, just like that, in the middle of my apology?

I laughed, despite myself. All of the tension from the day spilled out of me in a dismal, tearful laugh. It was just too much. Only Dhiren. I swear.

Dhiren opened an eye to look at me. He growled again. It didn't really sound hostile. If anything, he might have been slightly irritated that I had interrupted his "sleep".

I gave him a watery grin. Apparently, it was time for me to leave. "Alright, alright." I said, "I'm going. Goodnight Dhiren."

Dhiren huffed as I stumbled away from the trailer. My mind was strangely blank. Dhiren was safe. Someone had moved him to a different cage. There was no crisis. It was probably just some sort of misunderstanding.

I dragged my feet back to the picnic area and I sunk down onto one of the cold table benches. I barely had the energy to contact Mrs. Gailon to tell her about the false alarm before I slumped forward onto the table. The RVs would return at some point I supposed, but at the moment, I closed my eyes and I knew no more.

 **A/N: So...did you guess correctly? ;)**

 **Thank you, everyone, who shared their guesses, even march4fun who gave a joke guess. Though to be fair, as my beta reader, he would have had an unfair advantage if he had guessed seriously. Now seems like a good time for a plug. If you like the high tension of this chapter, I recommend his fanfiction, Puddin - The Adventures of the Demon Demigoddess. It's an action-adventure comedy based in the Dragon Ball Z abridged universe about the daughter of an anti-hero and a villain. (Knowledge of the anime or the abridged series not required.) But despite being a comedy, it has some of the most gut-wrenching moments you could want. It's a favorite of mine. Chapter 8 is gold. Beware though it's rated M.**

 **Anyway, I'm hopefully back on track with Chapter 20 going through revisions. I'll see you guys next month!**


	20. Forgiveness

**Chapter 20: Forgiveness**

I sat down next to Mrs. Gailon in the passenger seat after Cathleen had politely offered me the spot. Somehow, even with Cathleen innocently tapping on her phone and Mrs. Gailon saying she was happy to have me as her navigator, I could tell there was a tension between the mother and daughter that I've never felt before. I couldn't begin to understand why. But then, I hadn't seen either of them all day.

I had awoken in the middle of the night on that table bench in the picnic area with a few texts from Mrs. Gailon, a hazy memory of a dream, and a whole lot of sore muscles. Even after taking a nap in the RV, I had still been up and out before either mother or daughter stirred. The kitchen had been truly closed today, so I had to go out to eat.

After eating too many pancakes at IHOP, I had gone to do training with Lisa. Even though it was fairly late in the morning Lisa had been asleep. As I had stared at my bobcat with worry and frustration, Dhiren had gotten my attention from the other enclosure. Someone must have moved him back into the enclosure during the night because the tiger was there and thoroughly awake as he batted on the enclosure wall.

I had smiled at the gesture. It was just like old times. "Hey, Dhiren."

He had chuffed happily.

I had gone toward him until only a few feet and some fence separated us. Dhiren raised his paw to the fence and chuffed again.

"I'm happy to see you too," I had said with perfect honesty and then I launched into a less teary version of the apology I had attempted to give last night. I told him how much I'd missed talking to him over the last few weeks. I promised that I'd talk to him more often and that we'd become closer.

Dhiren had heard me but gave no sign the speech meant anything to him which, of course, it didn't. He was a tiger. I should have known. With him calling me over it was obvious he was back to his old self. I didn't need another pat on the hand. And yet a part of me had expected it.

Instead, we had stared at each other in silence.

Dhiren had cocked his head. I could tell that he expected me to start a new topic.

"I don't really know where to begin," I had admitted.

Dhiren had laid down and looked up at me as if to say: I got time.

I had glanced over at Lisa who was still asleep and said, "I got time too, I guess. Um… how are you?"

Dhiren blinked. Obviously, he wasn't going to answer.

"Right. Well… Um," For some reason, under his critical gaze, I had been nervous. Maybe it was because it had been so long since I talked to the tiger, but it was like my first day with him all over again. I had just blurted out the first thing that came into my mind, "I dreamt about you last night."

As soon as the words fell out of my mouth, I blushed. I had never mentioned the dreams to anyone before because it might mean talking about that fainting spell during my first night and I didn't like to think about that if I could help it. It was too weird.

I considered changing the subject, but Dhiren was watching me so intently and it couldn't hurt to tell the tiger about it. So, I pressed on, "Well it'd be more accurate to say that I dream of you pretty often, but last night was different. Usually, you're in a jungle. Last night, it had been raining in the dream and I was waiting for you in… I think it was a palace. I thought you were in the jungle, but somehow you snuck in. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and I turned around and saw…"

I had paused and realized I couldn't remember what exactly I saw. Something told me that I had seen Dhiren. Maybe I had seen his blue eyes? Whatever I had seen, it had woken me up immediately and prompted me to go back to the RV area.

Through my indecision, Dhiren had waited for me to continue.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it was you." I had ended lamely.

Dhiren had seemed to sense that the story did not have a satisfying ending. He had given me the sort of unimpressed look that only cats can make.

I had laughed. "Sorry. I guess I'm a little rusty at this."

The tiger huffed. He probably didn't appreciate my laughter.

"Okay, well maybe that dream wasn't very interesting, but I usually have another one."

I had the tiger's attention again.

I had described the typical dream to him. The way his eyes looked, the breeze and hot humid air, the feel of the balcony railing and the sense that he was moments away from telling me he needed help. I had described it all in painful detail and Dhiren had listened to every word. It all seemed too real. By the end, I had even thought that I could smell jasmine and sandalwood again.

I shook my head to make the scent go away. "It's silly really," I said trying to shrug it off, "But I've had the dream more often than anything else since I saw the circus on my first day. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just weird."

Saying the words aloud after keeping them in so long actually had felt good. This was why I liked talking to Dhiren. His quiet attention made me say things I'd normally keep to myself. I had smiled at the tiger then.

Dhiren, however, did not look happy. I had been surprised at the look in his eyes, but before I could decide what it was, Lisa had been upon me, circling my legs and meowing for food.

Dhiren had looked at her and then up at me.

"I guess that's my cue, but…" I had bit my lip. I wanted to change, but nothing about my situation was different. "I don't want things to go back to how they were. I'll find time for you, Dhiren."

Dhiren had gazed into my eyes like he was searching for my sincerity.

"I promise," I said. Somehow, I would make this work. Last night, I had realized again how much I liked this tiger. I wasn't going to let our relationship get that strained again if I could help it.

Dhiren broke eye contact and got up.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said to him as he had started to wander off to his corner. For a few moments, I felt like nothing had changed and Dhiren was still mad at me, but then when he had settled into his corner, he had turned to face towards Lisa's enclosure.

I had smiled, knowing that I had his forgiveness and that this time, I would do my best to be a better trainer and a better friend to him.

I had gone to Lisa after that. I had fed her and then we did some light training. No big jumps, just a bunch of simple commands and old tricks, which was the exact opposite of what I had hoped to do. Everything had to go at a slower pace as I coached Lisa through forgotten tricks.

It had been one of the most depressing training sessions I'd ever done. I had made sure Lisa got plenty of breaks and hoped that reteaching these tricks would help them stick in Lisa's mind. But I knew one day would not be enough to undo weeks of neglect. That fact became more and more apparent as we trained. When it came time to stop, I felt just as tired as Lisa.

I had been looking forward to a free dinner. At least until I had entered the RV and found myself in the middle of a cold war. In the front of the RV, Mrs. Gailon kept frowning at the road. Occasionally, she sent her daughter icy looks through the mirror. I kept glancing at Cathleen too. She completely ignored me and her mother. She had her earbuds in and the glow of the screen lit up her face as she tapped away at her phone.

The silent argument seemed strange to me. Mrs. Gailon never held back when she was displeased with me. No one at this circus did. But whatever had happened between them, neither felt like airing out here in the RV. The atmosphere made me nervous, so I started talking to Mrs. Gailon, just small talk to pass the time.

I had hoped to talk to Mrs. Gailon and Mr. Maurizio about my cooking once we got to the restaurant. I wanted to hear how close they thought I was to being done with my intensive lessons. Lisa depended on it. But now, I wasn't so sure that tonight would be the best time to talk. Hopefully, Mrs. Gailon's mood would improve once we sat down to eat.

Hopefully.

When we parked, Mrs. Gailon let out a sigh and got out. Cathleen and I followed her. As I walked beside Cathleen, who was still on her phone, a part of me wanted to ask about what was going on. It was on the tip of my tongue, but then I saw Cathleen's expression. Her face was pinched with the type of worry that shouldn't belong to a sixteen-year-old. It made my mouth go dry.

Then, Cathleen looked up at us. The expression was gone. All she said was, "I'm going to the restroom. See you two inside." She hurried across the parking lot, passing me and Mrs. Gailon.

What was that about? I glanced at Mrs. Gailon who just looked annoyed.

"Come on," she said. She quickened her pace and I followed the disgruntled mother, wondering what sort of free dinner I had stumbled myself into.

 **A/N:** **I was happy to write Kelsey and Dhiren making up but the pluperfect or plusquamperfect or simply the past perfect tense is a nightmare to write in in the long term. Never again if I can help it. Next chapter is another family dinner. I am really looking forward to it. See you guys next month.**


	21. Family Dinner

**Chapter 21: Family Dinner**

We entered the restaurant. It was an Italian place, the sort made for large family gatherings and small children. This early, it was still at acceptable levels of racket, but I knew the place would become more hectic as the night wore on.

In short, it was just the sort of place Mr. Maurizio would love.

A smiling waitress led me and Mrs. Gailon to a table and we sat down. I sat next to the head of the table, figuring that Mr. Maurizio would sit there. To my dismay though, Mrs. Gailon sat at the other end of the table with the same look she'd been wearing for most of the car ride.

Before I could say anything, Heather, Mrs. Gailon's eldest daughter, and Nick, Heather's husband, showed up. Heather sat across from her Mom and Nick next to Heather. As soon as they sat down, Heather asked, "Where's Cathleen?"

Mrs. Gailon huffed out a response I couldn't hear. The Gailon boys came next and filled in most of the spaces between me and everyone else. Then Keith slid in at the head of the table.

"Hey, Kelsey," he said with that innocent smile.

I glared at him, "Isn't your uncle going to sit there?"

"Uncle Maurizio," he said, his eyes widening, "Why ever would you think that? He'll sit next to my dear mother of course."

I frowned and looked at the table. There were two spots left: one spot between Jeffery and Mrs. Gailon and another spot across from me.

Mr. Maurizio arrived and, as Keith predicted, he sat down next to Mrs. Gailon at the other end of the table.

Then, just as the waitress returned to ask about drinks, Cathleen emerged from the bathroom. She still looked… off. Her smile was too big and I thought that her face was flushed. Mr. Maurizio must not have noticed because he smiled. "There you are, _mi scimmia_. I was growing worried. It's rare for me not to be the last at the table. Now come, sit down and join us."

Cathleen stared at the table and a look of annoyance crossed her face when she saw the last spot was with me and Keith. Keith waved while I found myself hoping that look was for him. I watched Cathleen sink into her seat, not making eye contact. She just propped up her menu which blocked both mine and Keith's view of her. I frowned. I hoped she was alright.

Keith only grinned. I could just tell he was plotting. "Hey Keith," I said. "Stop."

He cocked his head to the side. "Stop what?"

I frowned at him. "Whatever you're planning to say. Have some compassion for once," I said.

Keith blinked. "Always so harsh, Kelsey. I'm super compassionate."

I scowled at him. He just smiled, but I suppose that was better than him talking.

We kept up our staring contest until the server came up to ask about my drink order. I was forced to glance down at the menu. As I ordered a root beer float, Keith whispered something into Cathleen's ear. I saw her knuckles go white.

I was ready to tell Keith off, but then the waitress turned to him and Keith waffled. He asked the server about their alcohol options, knowing full well he was too young to drink. Then he and the waitress began a lengthy discussion on the best drinks. In the meantime, I tried to catch Cathleen's eye, but she wouldn't look up from her menu. I frowned.

When the waitress moved on to Cathleen, Keith leaned towards me, his eyes sparkling.

"What?" I said.

"Don't you want to know what has Cathleen so upset?" he whispered.

I glared at him. "Not from you."

"But I'm your _bestest_ friend in the whole circus," he whined into my ear.

"Ha!" I laughed. "Good one."

"Well, I don't see anyone else going out of their way to talk to you."

That shut me up.

He continued with that annoying smile of his. "So… I must be your best friend. Because Cathleen sure isn't. She has a new best friend. Isn't that right, Cathleen?" He said raising his voice to above a whisper for her to hear.

In the silence of Cathleen's response, I felt my face grow hot. I blinked a few times. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. So, I hadn't made friends in the circus yet. So what? I've been busy. Once I finished slaving away in the kitchen and I made my debut, things would be different. I would give Cathleen a proper apology and I'd finally be part of the family again.

That's what I tried to tell myself, anyway.

Keith wasn't done though. He was facing Cathleen, "It's such a shame Matt couldn't make it here tonight or… any other night." He paused and then he turned to me almost singing the next sentence. "Good thing we have you~."

Cathleen had had enough. She took that opportunity to get up and leave.

My swirl of emotions had settled on anger. Keith was being downright toxic tonight. Just as evil as when we were kids. "What _is_ your problem, Keith?" I demanded.

"I'm not the one with a problem," Keith sat leaning back into his chair. "You don't see me fleeing to the restroom because my friends aren't here." He paused, "Well most of my friends. I mean if I'm your best friend then you must be on my friend list somewhere…" he glanced down, "near the bottom." Then he smiled blissfully at me. "I have a lot of friends."

"As if," I said, getting up, "No one with half a brain would want to be friends with you. I'm going to go check on Cathleen."

"I'm sure she'll _love_ that," he said, rolling his eyes.

I ignored him and went to go find the women's bathroom. It didn't take me long to find the bathroom, but Cathleen wasn't in front of the mirrors and there were people coming in and out of the place. It wasn't crowded, but it was too busy for privacy. I tried to nonchalantly walk by each stall which earned me some looks before I heard the sniffles that must be coming from Cathleen.

I leaned against the stall door, earning even more looks and whispered into the stall. "Don't let Keith bother you," I said. "He's a poopy jerkface."

I heard a snort. I grinned. It was an old insult back from when I was seven. Cathleen always used to laugh at it, even after we were both too old for the insult.

Then Cathleen said. "You shouldn't be here, Kelsey. You should go back."

There went my smile. I recovered and said, "But I want to be here. I'm worried about you. What's wrong?" Because despite what Keith said, I didn't believe that Matt not being here was the whole problem. Cathleen was not that shallow.

There was silence. Women kept filing past me and toilets flushed, but I tried to ignore it.

I was rewarded with a whisper, so faint in the background noise that I almost didn't hear it. "I can't do this today."

"Can't do what?"

"Kelsey," her voice suddenly strained. "I just need a bit of time alone. I'll be alright, so just go back, okay?"

I stared at the door. She was crying in a bathroom stall. She obviously wasn't alright and I wasn't sure that a bit of time would fix whatever had caused that expression outside the restaurant. I didn't want to leave her alone.

"Please," she said.

It was such a desperate plea that it made me feel like the poopy jerkface. I thought that checking up on her would be a good thing, the right thing. Cathleen looked like she needed help. In the old days, I would have been able to help, but now I just seemed to be making things worse.

"Alright," I said. "I'll see you later."

"See you," she said.

I returned to our table. Keith had moved into Cathleen's seat and was talking to Daniel. He looked up as I approached and smiled, "How _was_ dear Cathleen?"

I scowled and sat down.

"There, there, Kelsey," he said leaning over the table to pat my shoulder. "I'm still your friend."

I angrily shrugged off his mock sympathy and told him to stuff it which he actually did. But Keith's silence didn't improve my mood. Keith was right. I wasn't close enough to Cathleen to help her and she needed help.

I was stewing in my chair staring unseeingly at the menu when the waitress arrived to ask if we were ready to order. Several eyes at the table drifted to the women's bathroom. It had been a good ten minutes since I had left the bathroom, but Cathleen still hadn't returned yet. Mrs. Gailon looked annoyed and worried at the same time.

It was Heather who rose and said, "This is ridiculous. I'll go check on her, Mom." She left the table. The waitress said she'd be back in a few minutes and our table was quiet for a few moments.

Mr. Maurizio patted Mrs. Gailon on the shoulder, "I'm sure she is fine, Viola. Just a little teenaged _bravata_."

"Teenaged girls can be so emotional," Keith hissed into Daniel's ear.

Daniel covered his mouth. He was obviously laughing.

I glared at both of them. "Hey! I'm a teenaged girl."

"Exactly," Keith said smugly.

But my outburst had caught the attention of the rest of the table. "Keith," Mrs. Gailon said in a warning voice, "Don't make any more trouble tonight."

"Yes, mother," Keith said in the voice of an angel.

Mr. Maurizio added, "Needing to make an apology to one young lady is more than enough for one day, _folletto_."

"You're right, Uncle," Keith said.

Mr. Maurizio nodded, satisfied. And then Mr. Maurizio directed the conversation to what he called "Happier topics."

I sat there, surprised. In the old days, Keith never used to get told off like this. He had that angel face and was so sneaky that no one ever suspected him. I guess at some point people had caught on to Keith's act. My shock must have caught Keith's eye because he turned to me and shrugged.

"You can't win them all," he said. "But… I do win most of the time." He winked and then he turned back to the conversation.

Soon after Heather returned with Cathleen. Keith smiled at Cathleen and gestured to the head of the table. Cathleen glowered at him and sat down. The whole table focused in on Keith as he said, "Cathleen, I'm so sorry for teasing you. I know how much you love Matt. Maybe he'll be invited next year."

Cathleen turned red and held up her menu even higher.

"Keith!" Mrs. Gailon snapped.

He turned to her and said, "What?"

Mrs. Gailon glared at him.

"Fine." He said, rolling his eyes. He turned back to Cathleen, "I'm sorry for mentioning that you love Matt too." He glanced at his mom who still looked displeased. "How was that?"

Mrs. Gailon sighed, "Terrible as usual, Keith."

Keith frowned. "Um…sorry?" he said. He looked genuinely confused. The poopy jerkface deserved an Oscar.

Mrs. Gailon just shook her head. Both she and Mr. Maurizio looked like they might say something, but luckily for Keith, the waitress returned. It was time to order our food and Mrs. Gailon was first up.

Keith shot me a smile and mouthed, "Most of the time."

I rolled my eyes. Then I propped up my menu like Cathleen and tried to ignore him. While Mrs. Gailon and Mr. Maurizio were ordering, Keith sparked a conversation with Nick of all people. Nick was happy to discuss different circus philosophies. Nick had worked at a couple of circuses before joining ours. It was an interesting topic for everyone and soon it distracted both parental figures from a probable lecture.

The rest of the dinner went better after that. Despite his many faults and bullying tendencies, Keith actually was a great conversationalist when he wanted to be and now that his powers were being used for good, conversation flowed across the table.

Cathleen didn't join in. She was quiet and subdued. I think Keith purposefully avoided drawing her in. I felt bad for her, but there was nothing I could do to help. Besides glancing at her now and then, I didn't do much.

At one point, Keith asked me, "Do you like this pasta more now that you've learned how to cook, Kelsey? I remember Daniel started liking food that he didn't have to cook more after he joined the kitchen."

"Uh. Yeah," I said, "I do appreciate not having to cook this. Though," I paused, surprised at my upcoming thought. "I think I like Ruth's sauce a bit better than this."

Mr. Maurizio eyes twinkled. "Ah yes. I think that must be true. Ruth, she is a master. I like to eat out for variety and atmosphere. I do not expect better food."

The table agreed and it began a discussion of favorite circus foods. It was a lively topic as people fantasized about their favorites. I personally was getting excited because this seemed like an ideal way to transition into the question that determined my fate. But then the question got directed to Mrs. Gailon. She smiled sadly, "There are a lot of good things that Ruth cooks, but my favorite was tandoori chicken."

I stiffened. That was one of my mom's dishes.

"Ah Viola," Mr. Maurizio agreed, "That was a good one. Perhaps Kelsey will learn it one day and cook it for us."

All eyes were on me. I screwed up my courage and said, "Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you and Mrs. Gailon about my cooking lessons, Mr. Maurizio."

"Oh, _mi patatina_ , now is not the time."

"But-"

He held up a hand. "I know. I have been thinking about it too, but wait until next Wednesday. That will be the time. You, Viola and I will talk business on that night."

"But, Lisa-"

"Now Kelsey," Mrs. Gailon said cutting me off, "My brother's right. This is a family dinner. He didn't invite you here to talk about work. We'll see him on Wednesday and discuss it. It's only a week away. Okay?"

They wanted me to back down and accept this, but Lisa needed me. Every week was like a month in bobcat years and Lisa needed help as soon as possible. I didn't want to arbitrarily delay this meeting because of etiquette. I eyed Mrs. Gailon before saying to Mr. Maurizio, "It's not just a week. Lisa hasn't done well under this new schedule. It's not healthy for her to be away from me so much. And since you both said I was doing better, I was really hoping to discuss changing my schedule as soon as possible, for her sake. Are you sure we can't speak about this tonight?"

Mrs. Gailon frowned at my plea as Mr. Maurizio shook his head. "I am sorry for that, _mi patatina_ , but we really cannot speak of it now. My plan is good, but it requires some more time," Mr. Maurizio promised, "Have patience and work hard in the meantime. Yes?"

I looked up at the two siblings feeling the eyes of everyone at the table watching me. I had made my case despite Mrs. Gailon's interruptions and I saw no change in their expressions. I swallowed. I wanted to keep pressing, but I knew it wouldn't work. They saw it as a measly week and I could tell Mrs. Gailon thought I was being melodramatic. I knew the best thing to do to ensure their goodwill was to stop arguing, so I swallowed my complaints and said, "Alright."

"Very Good," Mr. Maurizio said.

Mrs. Gailon stopped frowning and looked almost relieved.

After that dinner was essentially over in my mind. I had nothing more to say. I knew that tonight would be a long shot with the whole Cathleen thing and it hadn't been a total no, but I couldn't help but be disappointed. I needed more time. Before I had just wanted to start planning my new circus act, then to escape the kitchen and hopefully make up with Dhiren. But after yesterday, I realized how dire things were with Lisa. I needed more time with her to create a new training plan before she became weaker and more forgetful. It was a week between today and Mr. Maurizio's proposed meeting. I would just have to pray that things didn't get much worse between now and then.

 **A/N: So... I'm really into watching stats. I like to look at the traffic stats feature and such. And I found out something cool. I think with this chapter, I will have the longest fic in this fandom. Granted the word count includes these authors notes but it is still pretty crazy. I joined this fandom super late, but with this, I kind of feel like I'm making an impact. I don't know. It feels cool and I am over excited about it.**

 **Anyway, this was a really fun chapter for me to write. Keith indeed is a poopy jerkface and was a joy to write. I've been trying to ride what I call the "writer's wave." The muse has stopped by so I'm hoping to finally get ahead of myself in chapters. That should mean more consistent upload times. You might notice I'm early this month :)**

 **Please leave a comment if you are enjoying this fic. I use those comments to bolster my spirits when the writing gets rough. Follow and fav too for updates if you've been tuning in each month. That's it, guys. I'll see you next month.**


	22. Hope

**Chapter 22: Hope**

The next morning, I awoke, feeling a sense of dread. Between the training setbacks and Dhiren's disappearance, which I still hadn't solved, the Fourth of July holiday hadn't been relaxing. Still, even with all the drama, it had been much better than an average work day. Today that was over. I was back in the kitchen.

I got in for breakfast and Ruth eyed me as she said, "I bet you're feeling real proud of yourself, Kelsey Hayes."

I stared at her blankly. On the contrary, I felt pretty bland. The holiday had left me thinking of all the stuff I needed to do once I left this kitchen. The list seemed to be getting longer every day. So, all I said was, "I don't know what you mean."

Ruth scowled and said "Don't play dumb. I know Viola talked up your pancakes like they were God's gift to the world."

Oh! That. I had completely forgotten about Fourth of July morning and the holiday pancakes.

"But, don't let it go to your head," Ruth continued, "There's more to cooking than pancakes, Kelsey Hayes. Now eat up and get to work."

I did as she said, but despite what she had said I thought maybe Ruth had been impressed and was even acting a bit nicer? Like she actually seemed to be treating me like a human instead of trash. I hoped it wasn't my imagination.

Breakfast was just cereal and lunch would be BBQ leftovers. So, we spent most of our cooking time prepping dinner. We were having greens tonight along with long grain rice and fish. I was surprised when I was dismissed to go to sanitation duty. The morning had gone by quickly.

I went to the enclosures, actually feeling good and immediately noticed something strange. The dogs were still in their enclosure. They all started to bark excitedly as I passed. I frowned. Normally, Matt took them out for a walk during this time.

Lisa was sleeping which unfortunately was to be expected. Dhiren was resting too though he was already in the spot he usually occupied when we talked. It was odd. He usually avoided sleeping in that area for obvious reasons. Hopefully, it was because he was excited to see me.

I quickly grabbed the sanitation supplies and called out to him, "Hi Dhiren!"

Dhiren's ear twitched and he raised his head. He squeezed his eyes before opening them like a person who hadn't had their morning coffee. As I started my work, he blinked a few times as if he was trying to focus.

"You feeling sleepy today?" I teased.

The tiger narrowed his eyes at me with the resentment all tired people have towards the well-rested.

I snorted. "Well you might be in a sour mood today, but I'll tell you who isn't."

Dhiren stopped glaring and cocked his head like the attentive listener he was.

"Ruth," I said, "she actually bordered on nice today. Between this and Mr. Maurizio agreeing to meet me on Wednesday, I think I might finally be starting to make some positive progress."

Dhiren stared at me blankly. His tired eyes blinked a few times.

I stared back at the unusual reaction. It was almost a non-reaction, but Dhiren always reacted. That's what made him so interesting to talk to.

I searched his face. He wasn't bored or distracted. Though he was tired, I doubted he was that tired. He just looked…blank. Was he confused?

"Um… you know with cooking. Remember how I said that I had to spend more time in the kitchen?" I paused. Dhiren and I had stopped talking after that. So even if he could have understood me, he really wouldn't know. Not that he could understand me of course. The sensible part of my mind reminded me. I frowned at my shovel.

Dhiren whined. He didn't like it when I paused.

"I guess you wouldn't really know," I admitted, "It's a long story but basically my life has been hell for the last few weeks. Ruth sort of went off the deep end after I skipped out on a cooking lesson. But none of that matters now since I think it might be over soon. Today's the first day I've seen her act normal towards me in a long time. It's a good sign."

I looked up at the tiger. He had an intense expression of interest. Perhaps he was hoping for more.

"I mean it is a long story. Too long to explain in one day."

The tiger whined again. He knew I was holding out on him.

I sighed. You would think I was withholding treats with the way he was looking at me. "Well…" I said, "if you really want to hear."

The tiger chuffed in confirmation.

"Fine," I said. I took a deep breath my mind going back to that fateful day I had skipped my cooking lesson and I began, "It all started with me trying to find Cathleen…"

Over the next few days, I began chronicling my life in the kitchens to the tiger. With the upcoming meeting with Mr. Maurizio fresh in my mind, it had at first seemed almost practical to go over my time in the kitchen.

As the days passed, I continued my work in the actual kitchen which was getting better. I could officially confirm that Ruth was being nicer to me. Not actually nice, but she was manageably snappy if I didn't make any mistakes which I tried very hard not to do. And for Ruth, I'd call that a major improvement.

And it wasn't just Ruth who had changed. Other people in the kitchen started treating me better too. There were fewer disgusted looks and jokes at my expense. In fact, the night shift was a refuge once again. Mrs. Gailon had gone back to making small talk with me which was a signal to everyone that they could talk to me too. Gab, who of all the clowns had always been kindest to me, started cracking jokes with me anytime we shared a night shift together. Life might have been good.

Except it wasn't.

By Sunday, Lisa seemed mostly recovered from our double day training session and was ready to greet me when I arrived at her enclosure. Instead of feeling happy though, I felt worried.

On the Fourth of July, I'd been focused on creating new routines and then when I realized how out of shape and rusty Lisa was, I'd spent the day after trying to reteach her some old moves. Lisa forgetting some tricks wasn't good. In fact, it was horrible. Some of those took us weeks to master, but even so, it wasn't the main issue. Lisa losing her endurance, her very ability to train…now that was a disaster.

Back when I was with Sarah, Lisa and I trained daily for hours. Some weekends, we'd go somewhere like a park or in the garage and train all day. We took breaks of course but continuing was never a problem. Lisa and I both had plenty of energy and we were able to use it to learn all sorts of tricks and variations. Comparing those times to now was just heart-breaking to think about.

But I couldn't fix those problems now. All I could do was continue the high-intensity workout for the next few days and hope that this meeting with Mr. Maurizio would change things. I had held up my end of the bargain. I had worked hard and sacrificed precious time to learn cooking. My talks with Dhiren going over my time in the kitchen reinforced that to me. I was becoming better, becoming a useful worker, as Ruth put it. People had finally started to notice.

That's what I told myself when I petted Lisa good job at the end of the workout. That's what I told myself when she looked at me with her amber eyes, when I saw the fatigue in her expression and when I felt like a failure as a trainer. I told myself to hope. Because I'd done my job, and on Wednesday it would be time for Mr. Maurizio to do his.

 **A/N: Who's excited about the upcoming meeting? Oh wow, that's weird to say. Meeting + Excited. But, I am. I've been polishing that chapter all month. It's the reason this is so late in the month. I don't like to publish a chapter until the following chapter is finalized. It helps me avoid regrets and continuity problems down the line. Thanks to everyone for staying tune. See you next month!**


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